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Post by kirsten on Sept 3, 2007 22:31:08 GMT -5
My name is Kirsten, and I really need to get this story off my chest. It helps so much to know that similar situation have happened to people. I feel less alone. On the night of May 6, 2007 I got a phone call that changed my life forever. It was 2am and my dorm room phone rang (we always get prank phone calls on it so my roommate and I never bothered to get up.) Literaly 4 seconds after it stopped ringing my cell rang. I knew something was wrong. My dad was on the other line and he was kind of panicing. He told me my mom had died. My step dad had shot her. My whole world came crashing down around me. I could not comprehend what my dad just told me. I talked to my mom earlier that day, she couldnt be dead! The scary part was that my step dad was on the run. The bastard shot my mom out in the drive way (I live on 24 acres so they were a little ways from the house.) then went back into the house turned on the alarm, locked all the doors then took off walking before he called 911 to say that he shot his wife. When the SWAT team got there they though he was in the house because it was all locked up and his truck was there, so they proceded to throw tear gas cans through the windows, and a SWAT team member fell through my celing!!! I got home Monday morning at 6am (oh and it was finals week so I missed all my finals). I know this seemes stupid, but one of my main concerns were my mom's 3 inside dogs. They were her babies, and I could not loose my mom and them all at the same time. My dad had tried multiple times to get the animals, and to check on my horses, but the cops would not let him on the property. A couple hours later, when I could sort of function, my boyfriend and I went to my house to try to get my animals. The cops were so sweet to me. At first they were like ma'am you are not allowed here and got kind of pushy, but once I told them who I was they were awesome. They actually found one of my dogs (he even made the front page of the newspaper... oh ill get to the media part of this in a sec). The other two were recovered later that day... all three had been affected by the tear gas and got sick, but they are healthy now. My stepdad turned himself in 2 days later. My sister was staying at a friends, and I was at my boyfriends at the time (all withing a 2 mile radius from my mom's) My step dad was hiding out on the same property my sister was staying at! He still had the gun and 7 magazine clips on him!! The police say that if my sister and brother had not been at my dad's (it was a three day weekend for them) that they would probably have been shot too. Now let me get into the media part of this whole story. My step dad was a landscape desinger and did a lot of work for the newspaper so they loved him. All the stories they printed about him glorified his actions in a way. They pinned him as this poor innocent man who temporarily snapped (he thought my mom was cheating on him, but he was literally insane). The man he turned himself into was actually an editor for the newspaper, and brought in a reporter to get an interview before they called the police! At my mom's funeral, a reporter was sleanking around asking people for a motive, and listening to people's conversations. When my dad asked him who he was with, he said my best friends mom. My dad knew that was total bs, but got side tracked when someone started talking to him, so my boyfriend stepped in and kicked him out. It is one thing to loose a parent at a young age (Im only 19... 18 when it happened, my sister was 2 days shy of her 16th birthday, and my brother is 14), but when the media stepps in and degrades what an amazing human being the victim was, that is unexcusable. Has anyone else had a horrible media expirience when it came to the death of their family member? Im really sorry this is so long, but I needed to vent. Well anyways my step dad has finaly been indicted, and he is being pinned with 2nd degree manslaughter... he never made bail, which is very good. He has a hearing on Thur, where they can lower the bail, but I doubt that they will. He wont get a trial for another year or two which sux, but at least he gets to rot in jail for a while.
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Post by taterfay on Sept 4, 2007 0:11:22 GMT -5
Hi Kirsten:
Wow. I am SO Sorry about your mom. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Have the past couple of months been a blur to you? They were for me after my sister was murdered. I've lost my mom, too (but to cancer...she died 10 months after my sis was murdered.) and it is just the worst feeling in the world for me. I am so glad that your step father was never able to harm anyone else and am glad he is in jail. My sister's trial hasn't happened yet (it's been almost 2 years since she was murdered by her boyfriend) and the delays do suck but I guess I have gotten used to them. I reallly hope you can find a few good days in between all the bad ones. This board has been so helpful to me and I hope it will be for you as well. You can vent about anything (or even tell people when you are having a good day for a change) and nobody will judge you! Please take care of yourself the best you can...the first 6 months is REALLY hard. I hope the rest of your family and your friends are a good support system for you! Big Hugs! Stacey
ps...I can't believe what the media has done to your family! It really disgusts me! I am fortunate in that the media was very respectful (for the most part) towards myself and my family.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Sept 4, 2007 11:43:43 GMT -5
Dear Kirsten, I'm very sorry about your Dad. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. The night of the murders in my family I'd gone home (where it happened) to get some clothes, etc. When walking back to the car, I heard people saying "that's the daughter". IF they were media, I don't know. It's highly likely. But, whoever they were, they were talking about me like I was some exhibit in a freak show. Wouldn't it have been NICE for them to COME UP TO ME and say SOMETHING TO MY FACE! But, oh no, couldn't do that! Another thing they did was take a picture of Mom (she was the perpetrator) off the coffee table without anyone's permission and then they put it on the TV. They were OK to us outside the arraignment. We just kept saying "no comment" calmly and kept going and they left us alone. I had 1 contact me a few years ago (a reporter) wanting to talk about my familys' case. I give out my phone #. I've never heard a word since. Don't you LOVE IT when you give out personal contact info and never get the decency of a REPLY? I'm sorry all you and your family went through with the media. Some of them have no hearts and don't even want to. Please let us know how it goes in court when your case gets to trial. This is a wonderful place where people truly understand and there's always people here to listen, answer questions, etc. Again, welcome to the board. Take care.
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Post by acavana on Sept 4, 2007 12:15:21 GMT -5
Hello Kirsten, Welcome to the board, and I am so sorry that your life took the turn it did to find it necessary to be here. Your mom's story is so sad. I really related to the part where you say that you were worried about the dogs. When my best friend Michelle (we were raised like sisters) was murdered, I was worried about all of her plants, and gave them to her neighbors to care for (I can't keep a plant alive to save my life, and didn't want to give it a death sentence.) I also can relate to the murderer being on the run, as we could not find Michelle's husband for a couple of weeks, and I was so scared that he was around. As for the media, it really can be one way or the other with all newspapers. I took charge of all of the media contact and interviews and was able to comment enough to tell our side a bit. I also work for the local newspaper, and made sure that I knew the reporter covering the trial, luckily she did a good job showing both sides. I can remember the day that the headline read "Husband just Snapped". Here I am working all day and every time I turned around I saw it... ".... just snapped". Even with a good unbiased reporter, they still can get to you, because they just don't get it.
Well, anyway, you really have found a great site, filled with people who have been in some way where you are now. Keep us updated as the case progresses.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Sept 4, 2007 19:21:55 GMT -5
Hi Kirsten:
I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mom and how your family has been treated by the media.
My dad was shot and killed by my mentally ill brother, and the media stories immediately after my Dad's death were all WRONG too. Somehow, the media always seems to rush to pin the blame on the victim somehow. It almost makes me feel like they're trying to rationalize that murder happens for a reason, when usually the reason is beyond rational explanation.
Of course, reading such utter crap in the newspaper is heart wrenching, so I can really understand how you must be feeling. The fact that the editor of the newspaper is a "friend" of your stepfathers probably means they're totally biased.
Somehow, the injustice of seeing my Dad's name blasted in the newspaper was too much for me to bear. When the trial came around, the reporters were swarming all over me asking me to comment, I took control of the situation by saying that I wasn't going to comment on the trial, but that they needed to go to their editor and let them know they got the story wrong. As journalists, their code of ethics mandates that they're supposed to tell both sides of the story. As it turned out, their editor agreed with me, and I ended up getting a front page feature story on my Dad in the newspaper ....telling the truth. It felt so good to tell the real story.
I hope and pray that someday you'll be able to tell your side of the story to the media as well. You, of course, need to be careful because you don't want to say anything that can affect the outcome of the trial. Perhaps there's a victims advocate at the State Attorney's Office who can help you decide when the best time would be to get the truth out.
Best wishes to you. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Post by bk2007 on Sept 6, 2007 6:23:55 GMT -5
Hi Kristen! I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your mother. I feel so bad for the other children also. I hope you all can have some counseling with someone that understands grief, it helps some people so much.
I have such "issues" with the press and how unfair they can be to the victim and their family that I was just mentioning that on another thread. I've been pretty down about it today. But also, as drewsmom said in the above post, it's especially best for the victims family to just let the "murderer" do the talking and for you to get legal advise as to what is best for you to say at this point. That is such a hard thing to do! Listening all about the poor murderer, and all the facts being totally wrong, and either negative info about the victim or NO info at all. There are lots of people that have been through this and know exactly what you mean.
I'm so glad you found this board so you can vent whenever you need to, people here are so nice and understanding. Let us know how you're doing, we'll be thinking of you and sending prayers to you and your family.
Bless you, Barb ~
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Sept 6, 2007 16:02:02 GMT -5
Dear Kirsten,
I am so very sorry for your loss of your mom, and the danger and the fear that you all have endured. That must all be so utterly overwhelming, I hope you are at least able to remember to take care of you. Even that seemed so hard to do for so very long.
I don't know why some people are such horrific control freaks. I used to be married to a man who accused me of running around on him, more than once (and wrongly too), and abused me more than once supposedly for that - that was the lie that he said made it my fault he "had to do it" anyway.
I've come to believe that control freaks will say whatever to justify what they simply wanted to do to us, so they could feel as if they were the ones in power. So much for stepdad's power now. Oh how I hope and pray that stepdad was denied that decrease in bail today, and they keep him exactly where he belongs - in that jail cell.
We had a horrible experience with the media at first when my daughter was murdered too. It seemed like the newspaper was trying to make it sound like she must have been dealing drugs, like she must have been doing something wrong. When in fact she did not know the murderers, and had only known the man they had planned to murder a couple of weeks at a new job she had, and she had only given him a ride when he asked that night.
We were so furious at first, and I had no trust at all to speak to the media after that anyway. But the DA's did tell us that the less it was in the news, the less likely we would have to have a change of venue and go to trial somewhere besides our home county also. At least we would hopefully be able to go home at night during trial.
So I never answered any of their voice mails or letters, and never gave an interview at all until just before trial. It was then that the lead prosecutor asked me to, but only if I felt it would not be too upsetting. The murderer had contacted the newspaper before trial, and ASKED them to come and interview him. So when the paper contacted me, I did talk to the reporter. But I made sure to only talk about Bethena, about what she was like, about the things we missed about her.
When she asked me about the murder and the suspects, I simply answered that I could not comment on the case. That the proper place for that would be at trial. When she asked me if I was hoping for conviction, I simply told her that I was hoping and praying that justice would be done.
The DA's did come out and state that our Beth was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. The truth will come out in my experience. And no matter what anyone else says of our lost loved ones, we will always have that love we shared. They can't take that away. Even if we may have to fume and wait for the right time when it will do the most good, we can be their voice.
I am praying for at least some comfort for you Kirsten, and for moments of peace, and for justice for your mom.
Blessings to you,
Janet
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Post by gladriel on Jan 31, 2008 19:14:48 GMT -5
Hi Kristen: I am sorry about what happened to your mother....the media can and will harrass you...stay away from them because anything you say could come back to hurt the case they have against your stepfather. I ...witnessed my fathers live in girlfriend shoot my father when I was 17 years old and I am now 42......it still affects me greatly! The thing with the media is the defence team will look and study what you say, how you say it and whom you say it too so....better to keep away from them if you can. I went thru the justice system and she was charged with 2nd degree murder then it went down to manslaughter and she ended up with maybe 5 yrs out of it and today is out enjoying her freedom....go figure! Oh yeah to boot she won the lottery now thats some justice. I guess I wanted you to know that there is someone who has gone thru this and survived though it is damn hard and I still break down at times but I know he is in a place where she can't hurt him any longer and I can only hope she gets hers in the end! But if you ever need to talk or vent my email address is lorrain1120@yahoo.com. Take care of yourself.....its a long road but there is happiness around the corner. Lorraine
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Post by acavana on Feb 2, 2008 12:13:06 GMT -5
Wow Lorraine! Reading your post about the murderer winning the lottery made my blood boil. Sometimes things just don't make sense!
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