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My sister
Jan 31, 2014 19:16:44 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by kidsister on Jan 31, 2014 19:16:44 GMT -5
My oldest sister was killed on dec 9th by her schizophrenic son. The first month or so I didn't cry much but in the last week I cry everyday. He checked himself into a psych hospital and was only arraigned last week, he's no in county jail awaiting trial although I hope for my family's sake it does not come to that. I feel such competing emotions. My nephew was a sweet boy , him and my sister where so close. He was in and out of the hospital and I never truly realized how bad he was. I didn't know that when off his meds he made threats to my sisiter, or that he was obsessed with things like aliens, naxi's and serial killers. She did so much for him and I don't understand how this could happen to us. The messed up part is that I don't hate him, I still love him. I went to see him in jail, we both just cried and cried. He has been on his meds for a few weeks and is realizing what he has done. None of our lives will ever be the same. I still text my sister and I keep trying to remember the last time I said I loved her or gave her a hug. I feel like if I was a better sister I should have known more what was going on with him, I should have helped her more. It's been all over the news and papers, I feel like everyone looks at me with pity. It's so much easier to be around people who don't know.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Feb 1, 2014 8:21:07 GMT -5
Hi kidsister, I'm so very sorry your sister was taken from you. This is so soon after for you, no wonder you have questions about what is happening to you. This is a horrifying thing that we never knew how to be ready for, and no one to teach us either. I wish no one had to know. The first days/weeks are kind of a fog for many of us. I have read this is our brain's way of protecting us from the full force of the shock and horror. When we start to cry and be able to talk about the murder more, I believe that is when we are starting to come out of that protective fog. Most of us seem to have had some form of survivor's guilt, and endless what-ifs to learn to live with - but even if we all seem to do it, it's still dangerous to let them take us over - because the murder is not our fault. After years of therapy and soul searching, I decided that no one knew what choices they were really making but the murderer. Unfortunately for you, your sister and for your nephew, he didn't really know what he was doing in this case either. But you certainly would not have known since they didn't even tell you the magnitude of the problems he was having. The most important thing for you to do right now is to remember to take care of you, and know that everything doesn't have to be figured out today, and may even feel and look very different to you over time. Be sure you remember to eat, give yourself time to rest even if you can't sleep, and don't let anyone tell you how you "should" feel. Feel free to vent here or write in a journal if you need to. Find that friend who can listen without judging if you can. My heart goes out to you. Janet-Beth's mom
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