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Post by nikkissis on Feb 5, 2014 10:42:12 GMT -5
The wind is out if my sails. It has been. I spent NYE in the hospital. The holidays were too much. I spent 10 days there doing a trauma program. I was diagnosed with PTSD although I already knew that. I did learn so much but I am finding it difficult to apply the tools I obtained. My heart just hurts. So much loss. I have been trying to move forward but my mind keeps going back to the fact that my sister is in a 50 gallon drum in a shallow grave. I know I will never find her. I just know it. Yet my parents continue on with their lives as though she never existed. Something new.. I have been trying to work through all of the things that happened to me. I have been so fixated on Nik that I didn't allow myself to process the severe torture and abuse I experienced as a child. Anyway I see a therapist twice a week an they have me on so much medication. At least I am not crying anymore. Still having flashback and nightmares. It has been 22 years since my sister was murdered by my step dad. Gosh I just want to feel peace. Even for a moment.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Feb 5, 2014 11:07:32 GMT -5
The wind is out if my sails. It has been. I spent NYE in the hospital. The holidays were too much. I spent 10 days there doing a trauma program. I was diagnosed with PTSD although I already knew that. I did learn so much but I am finding it difficult to apply the tools I obtained. My heart just hurts. So much loss. I have been trying to move forward but my mind keeps going back to the fact that my sister is in a 50 gallon drum in a shallow grave. I know I will never find her. I just know it. Yet my parents continue on with their lives as though she never existed. Something new.. I have been trying to work through all of the things that happened to me. I have been so fixated on Nik that I didn't allow myself to process the severe torture and abuse I experienced as a child. Anyway I see a therapist twice a week an they have me on so much medication. At least I am not crying anymore. Still having flashback and nightmares. It has been 22 years since my sister was murdered by my step dad. Gosh I just want to feel peace. Even for a moment. Dear nikkissis, I'm very glad to hear you're getting treatment. It's going to take time in treatment to start to feel peace for longer times. Getting help is a wonderful step that shows you're not taking the easy way out. It's something to be very proud of. Keep going and you'll make it through. One thing that you have to deal with is your case isn't officially solved so that adds more to your trauma. You have more to resolve than some other MVS do. Please know that and don't be hard on yourself. I wish you the best with your treatment. Take care.
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Post by kidsister on Feb 5, 2014 12:54:22 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss and the agony that you are going through. I lost my sister as well recently and I have no advice, just want to wish you well and hope that you have some resolution.
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