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Post by taterfay on Jan 15, 2007 15:14:19 GMT -5
It's good to hear from you again, Misty. I haven't gone to my sister's murder trial yet, but I know that the when it gets time to go there I will start to relive it all over again. It's been 4 years for you since your son was killed, but there IS NO TIMELINE for grief and there is no "normal" or "abnormal" way to grieve. Each person does it in their own way. Please don't worry about crying in front of others..you have to do what you have to do. They most likely understand more than you think (or if they don't understand..well...I feel sorry for them!) It is good that you are trying to stay strong but please remember that you don't have to ALWAYS BE THE STRONG one. You are only human and what you have experienced is horrific..it is ok to break down and in fact, it is crucial to doing some healing. Just try to take it one day at a time, and please keep coming back here. You can "cry" and vent and scream and talk to us all that you want..just get it out when you can, ok? Big Hugs to you!! And to those that seem to think you blame all of your problems on his death...ignore them....they have no idea what they are talking about, ok? Love, Stacey
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 15, 2007 19:03:58 GMT -5
Misty:
What you've described is completely normal. Grief comes in spasms, and you're in the midst of a spasm right now. Don't worry too much about losing your mind. It's the ones who never worry about it that should be the most worried. My belief is that you survived the initial shock of finding out that your son was murdered...nothing could be more horrible than that. And you didn't lose your mind then. You've survived four years with your sanity intact...so you're not suddenly going to go bonkers now, or even 10 years from now. With the trial coming up, it naturally stirs up painful emotions and anxiety. That's normal. It's painful, but normal. I know this because it happened to me, too. Please have faith in your ability to survive this, because I know you can. You just need to take it one day...sometimes even one hour at a time.
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Post by Misty419 on Jan 21, 2007 12:55:06 GMT -5
just went through a forensic interview and let me tell you it was ruff, to have to repeat what happened that night has left me very emotional over the last few days , the scary part is I know its going to get alot ruffer in court when it comes time for me to be on the stand, I am told that the defense lawyer is going to try and make it look as though I was a bad mother, don't these people understand that I blame my self for my son death, I dont think that feeling will ever go away for there will always in my mind be the what if's , The justice system has a way of taking a victim and re-victimizing them. How do they call that justice? everyone wants to know the details of the interview but I have not had the courage to talk in detail about it for one I dont want to talk about those details for it brings to much pain. with the trial coming up I will be talking about it enough, why does'nt anyone understand that this is truely hard on me and the emotional impact is so overwhelming for me . No one understands that I am just trying to get a little piece of mind, is that to much to ask? I was all alone that night my son was found and placed in my arms , I feel guilty because they want to know and I just cant talk about it just yet.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 21, 2007 19:07:56 GMT -5
Hi Misty:
I can very much relate to how you are feeling, and as a result, I feel deeply sorry for you. I have been there myself. I wish I had a magic pill that I could give you that would help you get through this, but I really don't. I just want you to know that I have a sympathetic ear if you ever need to vent. I, too, was attacked by the opposing side's attorney on the witness stand and it was a very painful experience for me. My victim advocate told me not to take it personally, that it was simply his job to do everything possible to discredit me, but it still hurts me to this day. You're absolutely right about being re-victimized. It was very painful for me to get up on the witness stand and talk about the most painful night of my life in front of a court room full of strangers. The one thing that helped was that I had my closest friend there, and a victim advocate. I tried to look at them when the feelings got really overwhelming, and it helped. I also prayed alot for strength and courage to get through it.
I did go to my doctor and she did give me a prescription for xanax to take which helped calm me down some before the trial. It was also very helpful when I was on the witness stand. I don't know how you feel about taking prescription meds, but I don't think I could've made it through the trial without them. That might be something that you might want to try. I also understand there's some over the counter herbal products like kava and valerian root which act in the same manner.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 24, 2007 10:55:55 GMT -5
I agree with Drewsmom. I got the personal attacks when my family sued my Mother's last medical doctor. His supposed "care" of her we believed (and know) was a contributor to her bad state of mind the night before the murders. Anyway, it sure hurts, I know what you mean. Misty, share with people when you're ready to. None of us are really on a timetable despite those know it alls and naysayers who THINK we should be. It's a long road being a MVS. Don't let anyone tell you you should be on your progress, etc. Ignore the naysayers! You're sane and you're on this board and that's progress right there. Please know we're always here to listen. Take care.
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Post by wordup on Jan 24, 2007 17:26:47 GMT -5
Pumpkin and Drewsmom well spoken, I agree with you on what you have said and I too am hear if you need me Misty, until then take care.
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Post by Misty419 on Jan 31, 2007 12:36:12 GMT -5
Yesterday I went to court for a suppression hearing, when they brought my Brother up for court he said that he wanted this over today and wanted a plea, in the end we did do a plea , we go back to court for a sentencing hearing February 27, 2007 the plea is for 7-18 year prison term that must be served as a flat rate, The hardest part yesterday was listening to My Brother tell the court how he strangled my son and hid the body. it was very emotional and I am still shaken today from the ordeal, I did the plea for one reason, to spare my daughter from having to testify against my Brother, Now alls I can to is hope for the best , I pray that they judge gives him the full 18 years, hopeful my impact statement will help in doing so . and the fact that his words were " I strangled the s*** out of him" I keep hearing that play over and over in my head . Please pray for justice for my weyman and our family. again thank you for being here for me .
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Post by drewsmom595 on Feb 1, 2007 7:05:51 GMT -5
Misty: What an emotional time this must be for you. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to sit there and listen to what your brother had to say. His words "I strangled the s*** out of him" caused my stomach to drop, so I can just imagine how you must be feeling. I know 18 years probably doesn't seem like enough, but you did a very kind thing to spare your daughter (and yourself) more trauma from a trial. Hopefully, this will bring you some peace of mind knowing that your brother is going to be locked up for a very long time. I hope there will be no possibility of parole, and he serves the full 18 years.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Feb 4, 2007 8:10:03 GMT -5
I agree with Drewsmom. It's 1 of the most horrible things in the world to have to hear what you have. I pray and hope, too, that he serves the full time. Please keep us updated and take care.
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Post by Misty419 on Feb 28, 2007 0:58:53 GMT -5
Ok everyone today was the sentencing hearing for the murder of My son Weyman, The plea was for 7-18 years and I am very happy to tell you that My Borther was sentenced to the max of 18 years. For the first time in 4 years I feel good. I feel as though justice has been served and my little boy can now truely rest in peace. I just hope my Brother gets some help as he serves his time and can somehow better himself. as for my mother she was there today, she never said a word to me and attacked my son in the courtroom, a part of me feels sorry for her for she is a very angry person and refuses to accept the fact that my brother murdered my son even though he pled guilty. I hope that one day she find peace within herself and accept the truth even though I know the pain she must feel, at least she still has a chance with my brother, I on the other hand will never beable to hold my son or tell him that I love him and surely will never hear his voice again. I Love you my dearest Weyman, rest in peace my love .
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Post by drewsmom595 on Feb 28, 2007 6:09:01 GMT -5
I'm glad that you feel good about the sentencing and that feel that justice was served. Your mother's in deep pain and denial, which is why she's angry at everyone except for your brother. My mother acts the same way about my brother, who killed my Dad. Sometimes it is downright shocking to hear her speak...like this is all some big mistake. I keep having to remind her that her son killed her husband. I talked to my counselor about it and he said that at her age (she's in her 70s) that it is probably better for her to live in denial than to face reality. Perhaps it's the same for your Mom. It's very difficult, I know. Take care and thanks for the update.
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Post by Misty419 on May 12, 2007 18:56:25 GMT -5
Ok everyone, today is just a little ruff for me, so much has happened since I last posted, first my mother has contacted me and we talked for awhile, that phone call has left me feeling very emotional, she just don't understand that there are things I am not willing to talk about with her, Mainly my brother and my Weyman, I am trying to go on with my life for the sake of my remaining children, this is what I need to do. I am trying so hard to stay strong, stay focused, Its been 4 and half years since my sweet weyman was killed, I cant keep reliving his death, I want to relive his life, my gut says not to talk to her at all but my heart say to reach out to her and help if I can. but then how can I help her when I'm trying so hard to help my children and myself. I am so heartbroken and confussed by her actions , can I ever get over that? I want to but don't know if its possible , I still love her with all my heart, I'm just not sure I like her or can tolorate her anymore, she use to be my best friend, she says it can be like that again but I have my doubts, By the way Happy Mothers day to you all !!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by pumpkin12903 on May 13, 2007 11:02:40 GMT -5
Dear Misty419, I'm very sorry about all you're going through. You may need to keep setting these limits with your Mom. It'll be how you keep your own mental/emotional health in order. Give her the time and effort you can along with working on your goals. The relationship may never be the same. It also may fully heal. As long as you know you're doing all you can within the time you have, that's all you can do. It would be worse if you didn't care at all about your Mom. I commend you for working on the relationship. Hope you have a good Mother's Day, too. Take care.
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Post by drewsmom595 on May 14, 2007 18:45:22 GMT -5
Dear Misty419:
I really feel for you because I am pretty much in the same boat as you. My mother and I have very different opinions on what happened (when my brother killed my Dad) as well as what true justice is. For my own sanity, I've decided to just agree to disagree with her. I am never going to bring her around to my point or view, nor will she bring me around to hers. There are times when we start discussing it again, and we end up in a huge argument. I love her, but I really don't like her very much sometimes. I really don't have any answers for you, as I'm struggling with it myself. I simply try to concentrate on my son and my husband as much as I can. I can't cut my Mom out of my life, as she's elderly and really depends on me to do things for her. It does help me to try to put myself in her shoes, and think about how I would feel and react if my son did the same thing. I still don't think that I would act the same way that she has, but it does help me see where she's coming from. Also, I know that my Dad is looking down on me and knows first-hand how frustrating she can be. I saw my Dad put up with a lot from her and my brother while he was alive. I know that he would want me to continue to help her as much as I can without sacrificing my health and my sanity. You know how the stewardesses always tell you to put on your own oxygen tank before helping your child with theirs? Well, that's what I'm trying to do with my life now. I'm trying to focus first on my needs, and my family's needs. Whatever's left, I give to my Mom. It sounds harsh, but I'm really in survival mode these days. Good luck to you.
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Post by Misty419 on Oct 4, 2007 15:46:32 GMT -5
Boy I am so upset right now, My mother just won't let me be about any of this anymore, she still says my brother did not kill my son, well how funny , I guess I'm lying , the courts are lying , my children are lying, the sheriffs office is lying , and even my brothers own attorney is lying, the only one tell the truth is my brother, come on honestly !!!! I do not answer the phone anymore when she calls for its just to upsetting, when is everyone going to understand that I just want to remember my son with all the good times we had with him, I dont want to dwell on the awful fact that my son was murdered, I am trying really hard to cope with all the bad, for my children sake I have to look to the future and learn to cope, I don't think that is too much to ask. sorry for venting like this but hope you all understand.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Oct 5, 2007 5:15:49 GMT -5
Hey Misty:
Unfortunately, I do understand what it's like to have a mother in denial about what her own son did. My Mom is pretty much just like your Mom. She's even hired a private defense attorney to "investigate his appeal options in the hopes he can be a free man one day."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never mind the fact that he came to my house a 1/2 hour before he killed my Dad to try to kill me. She doesn't believe it even though it's in evidence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've spent hundreds of dollars on counseling sessions on this issue alone. My counselor said that at my Mom's age, it's better for her emotionally and physically to live in denial, and that helps me a bit, but not much. The anger and hurt and frustration are still there. I know this sounds morbid and crass, but sometimes I think my only hope is that I will outlive her (if all the stress doesn't kill me) and will someday have some peace.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Oct 5, 2007 9:58:22 GMT -5
Dear Misty419, your Mother is in some big time denial. As long as she stays in that and doesn't get to the realization that she's wrong and it's hurting her and you she won't recover much from this tragedy. It must be so hard to deal with her in the state of mind she's in. I'm sorry you're going through this. I have a few family that are in denial of aspects of our tragedy that happened in 1990. I wonder if the murder of 2 people didn't get them to FACE FACTS what WILL it take?
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Post by kirsten on Oct 6, 2007 20:58:52 GMT -5
Dear Misty, I am so sorry to hear about your son. It is especially hard when another member of your family is the reason for your son's death. You will never fully be the same person again. However this will probly make you a stronger person. And you never have to forgive anyone if you dont want to. I had a long talk with my therapist one day because my stepdads family kept telling me to forgive him (he murdered my mother) because they were from a very hard core catholic background. My therapist told me that forgiveness may help some, but never be pressured into forgiving the person who hurt me like this. The decision is all up to you. I wish the best for you and your family
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Post by friends4ever on Oct 7, 2007 23:51:53 GMT -5
Misty,
It took my Mom 10 years to admit to me that my brother killed Becky, I think she always knew deep down but the wanting of it to be wrong was there for so long that shwe was in denial. It took him telling her and his daughters before she fully believed it.
Try what I did, make it known to your mother that this is a closed subject and you will not talk about it with her anymore. Tell her it causes too much pain and hurt and that if she continues to talk about it that you will have to end the contact as painfull as it may be.
Denial is an ugly thing that we as the survivors have to deal with, sometimes for the rest of our lives.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Post by Misty419 on Jun 23, 2008 16:10:30 GMT -5
On June 14th was Weyman's 18th Birthday, needless to say I felt it coming before it was even here, just the heavy sadness that hit me was just so overwhelming and heartbreaking. June has been a really ruff time for me for this is also the year my son would of graduated high school, I went to the cemetary the day of his birthday and placed his balloons at the grave site and sung happy birthday to my son. when I got back in the car alls I kept thinking was how did we get here, for 18 years ago my son was 7 hours old and so safe in my arms and now that will never be again, its been about 5 months since I really broke down, this time the tears would not stop, I have stopped crying in front of the girls for it affects them so badly , it just so happened that they were all out of town that weekend , maybe I felt it was safe and ok to finally let go and cry for the fear of falling apart in front of them. after 5 and a half years the pain and sadness is still there strong. I don't think it ever goes away. all's I know Is I love him and miss him so very much and not a day goes by that I dont think of my sweet weyman...
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jun 23, 2008 18:05:18 GMT -5
God bless you Misty!!!
I can't even imagine how difficult it must've been for you to celebrate Weyman's 18th birthday at the cemetary. I'm glad you had a good cry though...and hope you're doing OK today.
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Post by lilithb on Aug 3, 2008 14:15:41 GMT -5
I am so very sorry. My father was murdered by my brother and I grieved for years. I don't think it is something you do just get over and to lose your child, well to me that is the ultimate in pain. I can't say why your mother acts this way but my hunch is that she feels a deep guilt and this is how she makes herself feel better , she is now protecting the son she left. I do not have the words that will help you to continue but I pray for you and that God will give you the strength you need to get through life and you that you will come out stronger and filled with peace..
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Post by Misty419 on Sept 18, 2008 15:01:12 GMT -5
Well today I found out that my son's murderer was moved to a private prison in oklahoma, I have read alot of the blogs on this prison and they say that it is alot easier there than regular prison, Well this just pisses me off, I feel that my children and I was lied too and decived , I spent 4 and a half years in the justice system making sure this guy got punished for what he did and then this happens, they say he was moved because of overcroweding and this is the same place they send illegals to. well excuse me but the guy isn't a drug dealer, he's not a car theif , He is a murderer, a child killer. I dont think its to much to ask that for the next 18 years be uncomfortable for him. dont these people understand that for the rest of my life I will suffer the loss of my child, That I am serving a life sentence. I am just wondering if anyone else here as been through a similar experence or has any advice on dealing with this .
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Post by drewsmom595 on Oct 4, 2008 6:32:02 GMT -5
Hi Misty:
I'm sorry for the pain and injustice that you're feeling. It probably is very little consolation, but from what I've read, most private prisons only have a slight edge over government-run facilities...they still are prisons.
Your son's murderer is still locked up, and living in a tiny cell, and eating crappy food, and doesn't have freedom that he used to enjoy (and is probably craving desperately by now).
I know that since you're serving a life sentence of grief and pain that this hardly seems like justice. I guess since you can't change the circumstances, I'm hoping that you can try to focus on the fact that he is locked up -- which is more than some MVS can say about the person who killed their loved one.
I know that the fact that he's at least locked up is not true justice for you. And for that, my heart truly goes out to you.
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Post by Misty419 on Mar 19, 2009 20:53:08 GMT -5
I was reading lately on forgiving, my first thought was how in the world would I or could I forgive the person that killed my sweet Weyman, after pondering on the thought and Idea for some time, it finally happened. I was able to forgive the man that took the life of my child and in doing so has changed my life, for 1 I feel so in control of my life , and the feeling of relief was so overwhelming, I feel as though I have a new begining, I will never be the same nor will life ever be the same for me and there isnt a day that goes by that I don't think of my son , I do know that forgiving someone for such an awful thing is a very powerful thing to do . for so long I could not be the mother or person that I once was but can honestly say that I have come close . everyone has noticed the difference but most importantly I notice.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Mar 21, 2009 13:38:22 GMT -5
Hi Misty:
What an amazing thing you have done. I know that forgiveness is a very personal decision, but I came to the same conclusion as you did with my own situation. I simply couldn't live with the anger, and hatred and bitterness. It was poisoning me on he inside. For my own sake, and for my family's sake, I needed to let go of that. And the outlet that helped me was forgiveness. I'm not 100% there, but about 90%. I'm so pleased for you that you feel more control of your life, and you've given yourself some measure of relief. And I'm thrilled that others have noticed what a difference that has made in your life. I don't know you very well, but the difference in the tone of your last post is truly remarkable. I hope you continue to rebuild your life, and that you and your family continue on this new path.
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Post by shelly1 on Apr 7, 2009 18:14:23 GMT -5
Jesus, I know I am late to this horrendous story Misty, but OMG my heart bleeds for you. I know too well that the pain that you feel on a daily basis is more than most people out there could ever wrap their brains around. My son was shot to death along with his sister-in-law by his own brother, my oldest son. He was strung out on PCP and was non remorseful about it. It has been 6 years and he is just starting to show signs in prison where he will be when I die, of a human being who cared about his brother.
Unbelievable, the amount of pain that a family member can bring to the rest of the family.
My heart goes out to you and I will pray for the peace that your family so deserves. God bless you Sweetie!
Peace,
Shelly
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Post by Misty419 on Dec 14, 2011 10:32:26 GMT -5
Its been awhile since I have posted on here, in 4 days it will be 9 years since I lost my sweet little boy and today I am still so heartbroken and lost without him, The holidays are really hard for me, my son died just one week before christmas, I have small children still at home so each year we dedicate december 18th just to weyman, on that day I allow myself to just cry if I feel like it and sit back and just remember the funny thing he did and all the memories I have of him, sometimes I sit and look at all his photos and just remember just how special he was to me and all that knew him, Then I dedicate the rest of the time to my remaining children and try very hard to give them a good christmas...I just hope that I am doing right by my other children......9 years wow sometimes it just seems like yesterday and other times it seems like a million years since I last seen my son. Rest in peace my sweet weyman and Merry Christmas in heaven
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Dec 14, 2011 13:44:00 GMT -5
Its been awhile since I have posted on here, in 4 days it will be 9 years since I lost my sweet little boy and today I am still so heartbroken and lost without him, The holidays are really hard for me, my son died just one week before christmas, I have small children still at home so each year we dedicate december 18th just to weyman, on that day I allow myself to just cry if I feel like it and sit back and just remember the funny thing he did and all the memories I have of him, sometimes I sit and look at all his photos and just remember just how special he was to me and all that knew him, Then I dedicate the rest of the time to my remaining children and try very hard to give them a good christmas...I just hope that I am doing right by my other children......9 years wow sometimes it just seems like yesterday and other times it seems like a million years since I last seen my son. Rest in peace my sweet weyman and Merry Christmas in heaven Dear Misty419, it's great to hear from you. Yes, the holidays are the worst time of the year for us besides the sadiversary. The holidays are never the same. But, we do what we have to do. We keep going because the alternative is to give up and have a lot worse life. The holidays are getting to me more this year because of unusual stresses that I've had since October. Any unusual stress flares up my PTSD and panic disorder. Yes, you're doing right by your other kids and I commend you. You could have given up completely. Keep up the great work! Having the day for Weyman is a wonderful thing. If we don't acknowledge our loved 1's we're not healing fully. Take care.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Dec 18, 2011 5:41:11 GMT -5
Hi Misty:
It's been a long time since I've been on this board. So long that I can't remember how long...but I do remember you and pray that you and your family will find peace and joy this holiday season. Big hugs to you!
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