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Post by 4everjeff on Oct 19, 2008 18:42:49 GMT -5
It’s been a while since I’ve posted or logged on this site. It’s been a hard road. I finally moved and I am doing a little bit better because I’m closer to family. I have noticed that I don’t feel as lonely but I do get more bad moments. I wake up and sleep thinking about Jeff and how happy he would be if he was still here.
I’ve had so many bad moments that I guess I just don’t want to do anything. I’m to the point were I don’t care what happens I don’t care what I do. I just try to keep up with my girls but that too is very difficult. Most of the times I just want to do what I want to do. I don’t feel like I can be all I can be as a mother. Jeff was such a huge part in my parenting life that I don’t feel like I can do it without him. I still don’t cook like I used to and that bugs me because I was the type that wouldn’t eat out and wanted the girls to eat healthy all the time. Thinking about the Holidays getting closer makes me ill. I don’t know how I will do it without him. I think I will loose control of all my feelings like I did not too long ago where I felt like I was going crazy.
Till this day we still don’t have a trial date.
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Post by deanbat61 on Oct 20, 2008 5:39:42 GMT -5
my thoughts are with you. just because you are not making as many homemade meals does not make you a bad mom. just showing that you are concerned about it shows that you are a good mom.
i watched a show one time, where the mom was upset about not cooking her son breakfast....he had a cupcake on the way out the door. she said she realized he had a few carbs, a little fiber, and well a lot of sugar, and at least he ate something, so she really did provide.
Hang in there.
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Post by uncleeddiesniece on Oct 20, 2008 11:54:08 GMT -5
I have felt this very way. I cant say whether this is normal cuz it surely doesn't feel too normal for me when I am feeling it. There are still times I feel heavy w/grief and cant think of what to cook. Most times I just dont want to. So I do understand. Pls be gentle w/yourself. You said you moved closer to family........is someone able to help at times with cooking? How about some prepared foods (may not be as healthy, but at least much easier and less of a burden). you remain in my prayers
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Post by 4everjeff on Oct 20, 2008 20:22:14 GMT -5
I have felt this very way. I cant say whether this is normal cuz it surely doesn't feel too normal for me when I am feeling it. There are still times I feel heavy w/grief and cant think of what to cook. Most times I just dont want to. So I do understand. Pls be gentle w/yourself. You said you moved closer to family........is someone able to help at times with cooking? How about some prepared foods (may not be as healthy, but at least much easier and less of a burden). you remain in my prayers OH MAN! I think that's why I'm still alive now. My family has been there through thick and thin. Every now and then my family brings us dinner. It's not the same. I feel guilt all the time they do. I just don't feel in the mood of anything other than remembering how good I had it....
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Post by 4everjeff on Jul 13, 2009 3:56:48 GMT -5
Hello everyone! It’s been so long since Ive logged on and yet lots of things have changed in my life. One thing for sure that will never change is how I feel towards Jeff. There is still no trial. Today is another court day. May be we will have news on when the trial will begin. My baby (the one that I was pregnant with when Jeff was murdered) is 1 year old and walking. Time goes so quick. I am still not normal. I still have sleeping issues that keep me up all night every once in a while I still brake down with so much pain inside. Jeff is not resting in peace! When I'm not home they tell me that they feel his presence all over the house. They see shadows and things that have been turned off and then they notice them on. What can I do to have him rest in peace? Jeff is all over my house. I have all his stuff he liked in a curio and pictures of him all over my house. My mom tells me I should put some of that away because I don’t let him rest in peace because I keep him very present. I don’t know what to do. I just want Jeff to be resting very peacefully. By the way these things don’t happen when I'm home or maybe I just don’t notice them…
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Jul 13, 2009 6:07:46 GMT -5
I still have pictures of our Beth in almost every room in my house. Why shouldn't I? She will always be my daughter, and every picture reminds me of something wonderful we did have in our time together on this earth. That is how I am more comfortable, and I hope you will do what is comfortable for you yourself, and what helps you - whatever that is.
I hope court today results in something that will help move towards justice for your precious Jeff.
It was long after trial before my sleep issues got any better. When I did let them give me antidepressants for a while, that did help - maybe I should have done that sooner - I probably should have. there have been times I have even slept 8 hours again off and on amazingly enough just this last couple of years or so. But there are still times - like lately, asleep after midnight, and awake before 4 AM this morning.
Hoping for good news at court today, and for a peaceful rest for you. You will be in my thoughts today.
Janet
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Post by thankful4them on Jul 13, 2009 22:51:17 GMT -5
4everjeff, HUGS to you I personally don't believe keeping their photo's and momento's around you and your love will ever keep them from peace. I heard much the same from people.. "stop dwelling, stop obsessing..." I think people want us to "forget" the nightmare because it makes THEM uncomfortable. You are NOT keeping Jeff from Peace... but rather THEM. Love and memories are NEVER a bad thing. I hope you look into the eyes of Jeff in his photo's around you and know he is smiling down on you and your love for him. None of what happened is YOUR fault.. or YOUR burden. Know you love him, and love having his face near you to gaze upon when you miss him. He is in a better place that has nothing to do with this earth anymore and you are FREE to miss and love him without it hurting him. In my opinion of course, but I find most of what people tell us is to help them deal with the pain. xoxo
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Post by wordup on Jul 16, 2009 19:16:46 GMT -5
I think you should do what you feel in your heart to do, My baby has been gone for 5yrs now and yet it seem like yesterday, his pictures are all over the place along with everyone else. But to each their own, This is why I said do what you feel in your heart to do. Take care.
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Post by felitoangel on Jul 18, 2009 14:28:01 GMT -5
Isabel........ we have so much in common. I would love to be able to talk to you more. I am so thankful that I finally feel like I have found someone who truly understands what I am going through. Felix was my soulmate too. And he never saw his son walk..... my son was 14 mos old and walked only DAYS after his father was gone. Y yo se que tu sabes que me duele. Please email me at heatherrojas_perez on yahoo so we can talk more. And don't listen to what others tell you....... I have learned that others say whatever makes THEM feel better. I side with wordup... do what your heart tells you to do. Always trust that inner voice... it never guides u wrong. besos y abrazos
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Post by dblvictim on Jul 22, 2009 1:18:49 GMT -5
Hi. My name is Lisa, and I can very much understand the pain you feel. My husband was murdered in sept. of 2008. His was just as senseless as your husbands. I still ask "why". i still get no answers. I wish there was a way to make the sadness and emptiness go away. Not just for myself but for all of us that have to live this. I pray for you and your children. And yes your Jeff sounds like a great guy, one of those that are far and few between. I don't know what else to say, if you are like myself, there is nothing anyone can say. Know that you aren't alone, cheerish you children, and make sure they know what a great father they have.
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Post by 4everjeff on Sept 15, 2009 22:39:49 GMT -5
We are getting closer to having a trial date and I'm doing bad! I don t want to relive what I went through! Just two days ago I lost it again and felt very depressed and was crying all day. I love him so much and miss him. He was my life! How can one handle a trial?
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Sept 16, 2009 7:47:05 GMT -5
Dear 4everjeff, I hate how this grief comes in waves, and we hardly ever know when or what to expect from them. I hope those waves have receded for you a bit. I was very frightened by the thought of trial coming up too. It was terrifying - there were so many things to worry about. What helped me most was when I decided it was something I was doing for her, no matter what, I could and would face it because it was something I could still do for her. I carried a small picture of her with me to trial, one I could hold in my hand and see her lovely face as it was when she was alive, anytime I needed to. That seemed to help calm me, and help me to find renewed resolve and courage. Those things are what helped me most anyway, I believe. Have they set a date yet? Do you know if you will be testifying yet? I hope we can help you in this upcoming time. (((((HUGS)))))) to you Janet
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Sept 18, 2009 0:19:14 GMT -5
We are getting closer to having a trial date and I'm doing bad! I don t want to relive what I went through! Just two days ago I lost it again and felt very depressed and was crying all day. I love him so much and miss him. He was my life! How can one handle a trial? Have you checked if there's a Parents of Murdered Children group near you? They send other MVS to court with you to support and advise you. There's a link to them on here. I'm very sorry you're going to have to go through a trial (if there were NO murder, NONE of us MVS would even have to deal with that... ). Please let us know how the trial turns out. I'm hoping full justice will be done! Take care.
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Post by purples on Nov 12, 2009 1:24:43 GMT -5
Dear Isabel, Your right, your life will never be the same! But somehow someway you will find the strength to keep going!
It's been 4 yrs since my x-husband murdered my fiance.
It's so hard to face the world when your world has fallen apart!!!
I too have PTSD I still take medication daily! There was so many days + nights I couldn't do anything but cry. Everything reminded me of Michael ( still does, but i'm living with it) It's hard putting those bad memories to rest and only remembering the good. I still have nightmares about it! I can kinda remember calling 911 telling them to hurry, then calling them back to tell them to send 2 ambulances that my x just shot himself too! My baby was crying and all i could do was say Oh MY GOD! We was so lucky he didn't kill us too! Oh and he shot himself in the stomach- of course he could take a life, but couldnt take his own!
As the holidays approach us- It's hard not to fall into that dark depression! I smile on the outside while i'm screaming on the inside!
hugs (((((((((( isabel ))))))))) stay strong ! your in my prayers!
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Post by 4everjeff on Dec 18, 2009 18:07:53 GMT -5
December 7th 2009 Benito Acuna of 37 years was found GUILTY FOR 1ST DEGREE MURDER! He was also found guilty for possession of a fire arm. He is looking at minimum of 50 years to life. Sentencing will be January 26th, 2010.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Dec 19, 2009 6:42:36 GMT -5
That is wonderful news, that the jury made the right decision! I hope you are taking care of you, extra special care of you, again. I know that I was very up and down after trial - back in that fog again, and then relieved that it was done and with what justice the system can provide - up and down. I wish it never was needed, but since we can't change what happened, I am so glad he will be locked up. Thinking of you and your girls Janet
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Post by c21king2queen on Dec 20, 2009 15:05:51 GMT -5
I am glad that there was a conviction for your husband's murder. I know how difficult it has been for you. I know it must be at least some relief to know someone has been convicted for this terrible crime. My husband's case still hasn't been to trial and I don't know when that will happen. Two suspects were indicted for 1st degree murder and felony conspiracy in May 2008. The DA's office started out saying they were going for the Death Penalty. They have all the evidence to push for Capital Murder. Suddenly and in a very sneaky and underhanded way, the DA decided to change the case from Capital Murder to Non-capital murder in August of 2009. In the beginning they did not inform us about the indictments. Now they dedcide not to inform us about bond hearings. They were in jail for a year and three months facing the death penalty with no chance of being released on bond. Then suddenly the DA decides to change the case and allow bond to be set too low for the circumstances. The DA assured my family that they would not be released on bond, that no bond would be set. He lied. They did not inform me about the bond hearings. Now the man who premeditatedly murdered my husband and came to my house two days after the murder and the day before his body was found is home on house arrest no more than two miles from my home. He could disappear at any time and there would not be a trial or he could come after my son and I. No one in this state cares. I keep telling people that law enforcement and the DA's office are doing this wrong and that wrong and they are violating victim's rights. They should never have set bond and allowed this man to be released. He is a repeat violent offender and career criminal. We have Victim's Rights Act in this state, but apparently they are not enforceable and there is no penalty for violating victim's rights. Happy frigging Holidays to me!! No one in this state will help me. The people responsible for my husband's murder should be in jail and never get out. They spent months planning my husband's murder. A single gun shot to the back of the head literally blew my husband's head off. The autopsy report read, "Eyes not present, brains not present. Maggots crawling all over the body." They murdered him, moved the body and left him in a shallow make-shift grave. He was dead for three days before his body was found. Now the man who murdered my husband is home on house arrest. This is not his first attempt at murder. He was indicted in another state for 1st degree attempted murder and aggravated assault. They actually convicted him for 2nd degree attempted murder and agravated assault. He spent ten years in prison, was released in 2006 and then came here. Less than 2 years later he premeditatedly murdered my husband. Now he is home on house arrest. Where is the justice?? I am sorry for venting to you! I am relieved to know that someone has a conviction for the murder of her husband. I know it doesn't change what happened. It doesn't bring him back. They cannot give back, repay or replace what has been taken from us. They cannot take away or lessen our pain or grief. At least you have recieved some justice for your husband's murder. The only true justice for murder is God's justice. In the end God will have the final judgement and the final justice. Just leave it in God's hands and what goes around comes around. Take care of yourself and your children. Your husband sounds like such a wonderful man. He would want you to take care of yourself and your children. He would want you to go on with your life. He would want you to smile, laugh, and find some happiness for yourself. May God bring you Joy and Peace for Christmas! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
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grey
Newbie
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Post by grey on Feb 8, 2010 19:09:44 GMT -5
My husband was murdered too....
I don't have the wearwithall to share my story right now, I'm not sure I ever will. Where do you find the strength to share anything with anyone, let alone with so many people?
His murder was equally horrific, chased hunted down and stabbed to death, and had parkinsons stopping him from defending himself.
What do you do when people ask you about him or bring it up?
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Feb 9, 2010 1:20:57 GMT -5
My husband was murdered too.... I don't have the wearwithall to share my story right now, I'm not sure I ever will. Where do you find the strength to share anything with anyone, let alone with so many people? His murder was equally horrific, chased hunted down and stabbed to death, and had parkinsons stopping him from defending himself. What do you do when people ask you about him or bring it up? Dear grey, I'm very sorry about your Husband. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. To answer your question: I'm very discreet with who I tell about the murders in my family in certain places, ESPECIALLY the workplace! The "rules" I follow are: if I get a good feeling from the person, I'll tell the "bare bones" of it, ie., that 2 family members were murdered. IF I get condolences of any kind, then I'll eventually tell the rest. However, if I don't even get that (which is the LEAST ANY of us MVS deserve) then I won't tell the person anything more. The times I made EXCEPTIONS to this ended up being disasters. The worst exception I made with was a PSYCHO HYPOCRITE STALKER/HARRASSER on the job a few years ago. This SCUM was fired because she wouldn't quit stalking/harrassing me on the job. My so-called "friend" didn't even GIVE a condolence when I told IT the WHOLE story of my familys' case. After that is when I started to be WAY MORE discreet in the workplace. There's been many times it's been so hard to control my rage and hurt at HEARTLESS SCUM who can't even GIVE a condolence when I mention just the "bare bones" of our case. But, I control myself, because they'd highly likely not even care if I got angry, you know? 1 reason I find the strength to tell people at all is because it helps ME heal and I know it helps OTHER MVS heal as well! Another reason: education is VERY NEEDED. I couldn't live with myself NOT doing this education, you know? If I don't try, then I've failed as people NEED to know what HELL we MVS go through, you know? Even if only 1 person UNHARDENS their heart, it was worth it! I want to say if you don't want to share your story, that's OK, too! Whatever works for you! I'm just letting you know how I came to my decision. I hope this info helps you. Again, welcome to the board.
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