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Post by insideout on Sept 11, 2013 12:53:10 GMT -5
Ok so I realize that this is a little o/t when it comes to murder, since Grandpa died of natural causes, but I am really struggling with his passing, and I have no idea where else to turn to now.
My grandpa was my hero, and he was someone as a kid growing up I really really looked up to. He was very kind and gentle, and seldom got angry or yelled at anyone. He just lived his life spreading positivity wherever he went and he was much loved. he was born in 1923 and died the day before my birthday this year. Only 6 months before I had lost my grandma (his wife) too.
Grandpa was a veteran of WW2 and fought in the pacific against the Japanese. He was even on a ship in the pacific ocean that got torpedoed by the Japanese and Grandpa was left to survive in the water for two days. He told me he watched all his friends in the water being shot around him by the enemy as they tried to swim for safety. Grandpa survived by playing dead on a wooden board for three days, until he was picked up by the Australian navy. as a kid, I really really admired him for everything he did to defend our great country, and I always told him I wanted him to know how grateful I was that he and my poppy (dad's dad) got up and fought so hard for our freedom. Grandpa always said though that he thought the best thanks I could ever give him was to make the most of the opportunities given to me here. Make the most of my education, my right to vote, my work opportunities, and every other freedom I enjoy. I tried so hard to go on and do that and make him proud.
He was very active in my life growing up, I think especially since Poppy and Nanna had died years before I turned up, so Grandma and Grandpa were all I had when it came to grandparents. He never missed a thing in his grandpa duties. School concerts, graduations, choir concerts, birthdays, you name it, grandpa was always there. He always said he wouldn't miss it for the world and that if he was in an iron lung he would still make the nurses take him. He saw me do so much and I cant help but think of all the things he will miss out on now. My wedding, my concerts, performances, and tours (I am a tour guide). He wont be there to see any of them. He wont be able to watch my son grow up, and Luca wont even remember him. The only way he will know what a great person Great Grandpa was is through me. And I will teach him the same things my grandpa taught me, to make the most of every day, every opportunity and to never take his freedom for granted, because at the end of the day, someone got up and fought for it. That many great and wonderful men and women have fought and died for him to have those opportunities.
The sad thing is that Grandpa was going along really well until 2010. He had bad Parkinson's, and couldn't walk very well or drive, but he could cook, and live independently with Grandma. Then he got pneumonia, and it triggered a stroke. It has just been downhill from there. He got vascular dementia, couldn't remember me or my mum or his wife. he used to think mum was grandma, grandma was his mum, and I was mum usually. My brother was usually my dad or my uncle, or sometimes mum's first husband Jon (who died when we were really young, like 5-6 years old). It was so horrible to see him like that, especially since he had always been very fit and active and would get increasingly frustrated at the fact that he couldn't remember things he knew he should, or couldn't do things that he wanted to do because of the Parkinson's. He slowly lost the ability to walk, to shower and to even use the toilet himself. He always had to have a carer and a walking frame with him at all times, and he hated it all with a passion. I couldn't bring myself to see him much in his final years, it was just so heart wrenching to see him that way. I guess I just wanted to remember him for who he was. Luca was born just shortly after he came down with the pneumonia, and he was there with me at grandpas passing, along with my Mum, and my two aunts. My two uncles were on the way. I had to tell him that my grandpa was very sick, and would probably go to heaven. The look on his face was just heartbreaking. It was crazy though, grandpa was asleep, and had lost the ability to talk ages ago. He woke up, and called us all straight out by name. He even knew Luca by name, which shocked Luke let me tell you, as he had never heard grandpa say it. He told us all how much he loved us. He asked where John and Peter were, and told Luke how beautiful he was. Luca just yelled "LA YOUU GAMMPA!" right back at him and gave him a kiss. Then grandpa just laid down his head and died.
Here comes the selfish part though. I'm struggling. I have to hold it together for Luke now, but now is just one of those times where it is just getting to me. I want grandpa back, and I really really miss his presence in my life. Is it selfish that I would want to put him through all that pain and suffering again though? Luke said the sweetest thing to me at his funeral. "Mumma, no sad. Gammpa not in the box. He in heaven with Jesus." There was just so much that was left unsaid and I am kicking myself that I didn't take the opportunity to say it to him while he was here. How much I love him, how proud of him I am, and how lucky I am to have had him in my life. I will always be eternally grateful that god graced me with him as my grandpa. Luca looks a lot like him to, is actually quite striking the resemblance there. Its like when you look at him, you are looking at Grandpa.
One thing I will vent about too is the conduct of certain people at his funeral. Some people were just so god damn dis respectful. One of grandpa's "friends" had a go at me outside the church for having Luca young and out of wedlock. And ironically enough the same idiot got up at the wake and gave an anti abortion speech. He also tried to take the picture of Grandpa that Luke drew to put in his casket. Luke kicked him in the shins hard and yelled "NO MAKE MUMMA CRY" before walking away to my partner. Like I am sorry but is it me or is this disrespectful? he did not even ask any of the family if he could talk, he just took it on himself and did it. Also Grandpa, being an ex servicemen, his coffin was draped in the Aussie flag. On the way from the service to the cemetery in the funeral procession, some complete random bullied his way in between our car and my uncle in the car behind. He repeatedly tailgated us, held his high beams on us, and once he finally decided to go around had the ordacity to hold down his horn at grandpas hearse, even though the flag would have been in full view!!
I guess I just want my grandpa back. I wish he didn't have to miss out on everything like my wedding etc, because he cant be there. I miss him so much and I just want him here with me again. He was a wonderful, positive, brave and happy person, and someone that nobody could hate. His funeral was standing room only, just further proof of the wonderful person he was that so many turned out. I just miss him so very much.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Sept 12, 2013 9:58:38 GMT -5
Ok so I realize that this is a little o/t when it comes to murder, since Grandpa died of natural causes, but I am really struggling with his passing, and I have no idea where else to turn to now. My grandpa was my hero, and he was someone as a kid growing up I really really looked up to. He was very kind and gentle, and seldom got angry or yelled at anyone. He just lived his life spreading positivity wherever he went and he was much loved. he was born in 1923 and died the day before my birthday this year. Only 6 months before I had lost my grandma (his wife) too. Grandpa was a veteran of WW2 and fought in the pacific against the Japanese. He was even on a ship in the pacific ocean that got torpedoed by the Japanese and Grandpa was left to survive in the water for two days. He told me he watched all his friends in the water being shot around him by the enemy as they tried to swim for safety. Grandpa survived by playing dead on a wooden board for three days, until he was picked up by the Australian navy. as a kid, I really really admired him for everything he did to defend our great country, and I always told him I wanted him to know how grateful I was that he and my poppy (dad's dad) got up and fought so hard for our freedom. Grandpa always said though that he thought the best thanks I could ever give him was to make the most of the opportunities given to me here. Make the most of my education, my right to vote, my work opportunities, and every other freedom I enjoy. I tried so hard to go on and do that and make him proud. He was very active in my life growing up, I think especially since Poppy and Nanna had died years before I turned up, so Grandma and Grandpa were all I had when it came to grandparents. He never missed a thing in his grandpa duties. School concerts, graduations, choir concerts, birthdays, you name it, grandpa was always there. He always said he wouldn't miss it for the world and that if he was in an iron lung he would still make the nurses take him. He saw me do so much and I cant help but think of all the things he will miss out on now. My wedding, my concerts, performances, and tours (I am a tour guide). He wont be there to see any of them. He wont be able to watch my son grow up, and Luca wont even remember him. The only way he will know what a great person Great Grandpa was is through me. And I will teach him the same things my grandpa taught me, to make the most of every day, every opportunity and to never take his freedom for granted, because at the end of the day, someone got up and fought for it. That many great and wonderful men and women have fought and died for him to have those opportunities. The sad thing is that Grandpa was going along really well until 2010. He had bad Parkinson's, and couldn't walk very well or drive, but he could cook, and live independently with Grandma. Then he got pneumonia, and it triggered a stroke. It has just been downhill from there. He got vascular dementia, couldn't remember me or my mum or his wife. he used to think mum was grandma, grandma was his mum, and I was mum usually. My brother was usually my dad or my uncle, or sometimes mum's first husband Jon (who died when we were really young, like 5-6 years old). It was so horrible to see him like that, especially since he had always been very fit and active and would get increasingly frustrated at the fact that he couldn't remember things he knew he should, or couldn't do things that he wanted to do because of the Parkinson's. He slowly lost the ability to walk, to shower and to even use the toilet himself. He always had to have a carer and a walking frame with him at all times, and he hated it all with a passion. I couldn't bring myself to see him much in his final years, it was just so heart wrenching to see him that way. I guess I just wanted to remember him for who he was. Luca was born just shortly after he came down with the pneumonia, and he was there with me at grandpas passing, along with my Mum, and my two aunts. My two uncles were on the way. I had to tell him that my grandpa was very sick, and would probably go to heaven. The look on his face was just heartbreaking. It was crazy though, grandpa was asleep, and had lost the ability to talk ages ago. He woke up, and called us all straight out by name. He even knew Luca by name, which shocked Luke let me tell you, as he had never heard grandpa say it. He told us all how much he loved us. He asked where John and Peter were, and told Luke how beautiful he was. Luca just yelled "LA YOUU GAMMPA!" right back at him and gave him a kiss. Then grandpa just laid down his head and died. Here comes the selfish part though. I'm struggling. I have to hold it together for Luke now, but now is just one of those times where it is just getting to me. I want grandpa back, and I really really miss his presence in my life. Is it selfish that I would want to put him through all that pain and suffering again though? Luke said the sweetest thing to me at his funeral. "Mumma, no sad. Gammpa not in the box. He in heaven with Jesus." There was just so much that was left unsaid and I am kicking myself that I didn't take the opportunity to say it to him while he was here. How much I love him, how proud of him I am, and how lucky I am to have had him in my life. I will always be eternally grateful that god graced me with him as my grandpa. Luca looks a lot like him to, is actually quite striking the resemblance there. Its like when you look at him, you are looking at Grandpa. One thing I will vent about too is the conduct of certain people at his funeral. Some people were just so god damn dis respectful. One of grandpa's "friends" had a go at me outside the church for having Luca young and out of wedlock. And ironically enough the same idiot got up at the wake and gave an anti abortion speech. He also tried to take the picture of Grandpa that Luke drew to put in his casket. Luke kicked him in the shins hard and yelled "NO MAKE MUMMA CRY" before walking away to my partner. Like I am sorry but is it me or is this disrespectful? he did not even ask any of the family if he could talk, he just took it on himself and did it. Also Grandpa, being an ex servicemen, his coffin was draped in the Aussie flag. On the way from the service to the cemetery in the funeral procession, some complete random bullied his way in between our car and my uncle in the car behind. He repeatedly tailgated us, held his high beams on us, and once he finally decided to go around had the ordacity to hold down his horn at grandpas hearse, even though the flag would have been in full view!! I guess I just want my grandpa back. I wish he didn't have to miss out on everything like my wedding etc, because he cant be there. I miss him so much and I just want him here with me again. He was a wonderful, positive, brave and happy person, and someone that nobody could hate. His funeral was standing room only, just further proof of the wonderful person he was that so many turned out. I just miss him so very much. Dear insideout, I'm very sorry about your grandfather. I'll look for some links for you in regards to support/information because he died of natural causes and will post them here. Take care.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Sept 12, 2013 13:19:32 GMT -5
Ok so I realize that this is a little o/t when it comes to murder, since Grandpa died of natural causes, but I am really struggling with his passing, and I have no idea where else to turn to now. My grandpa was my hero, and he was someone as a kid growing up I really really looked up to. He was very kind and gentle, and seldom got angry or yelled at anyone. He just lived his life spreading positivity wherever he went and he was much loved. he was born in 1923 and died the day before my birthday this year. Only 6 months before I had lost my grandma (his wife) too. Grandpa was a veteran of WW2 and fought in the pacific against the Japanese. He was even on a ship in the pacific ocean that got torpedoed by the Japanese and Grandpa was left to survive in the water for two days. He told me he watched all his friends in the water being shot around him by the enemy as they tried to swim for safety. Grandpa survived by playing dead on a wooden board for three days, until he was picked up by the Australian navy. as a kid, I really really admired him for everything he did to defend our great country, and I always told him I wanted him to know how grateful I was that he and my poppy (dad's dad) got up and fought so hard for our freedom. Grandpa always said though that he thought the best thanks I could ever give him was to make the most of the opportunities given to me here. Make the most of my education, my right to vote, my work opportunities, and every other freedom I enjoy. I tried so hard to go on and do that and make him proud. He was very active in my life growing up, I think especially since Poppy and Nanna had died years before I turned up, so Grandma and Grandpa were all I had when it came to grandparents. He never missed a thing in his grandpa duties. School concerts, graduations, choir concerts, birthdays, you name it, grandpa was always there. He always said he wouldn't miss it for the world and that if he was in an iron lung he would still make the nurses take him. He saw me do so much and I cant help but think of all the things he will miss out on now. My wedding, my concerts, performances, and tours (I am a tour guide). He wont be there to see any of them. He wont be able to watch my son grow up, and Luca wont even remember him. The only way he will know what a great person Great Grandpa was is through me. And I will teach him the same things my grandpa taught me, to make the most of every day, every opportunity and to never take his freedom for granted, because at the end of the day, someone got up and fought for it. That many great and wonderful men and women have fought and died for him to have those opportunities. The sad thing is that Grandpa was going along really well until 2010. He had bad Parkinson's, and couldn't walk very well or drive, but he could cook, and live independently with Grandma. Then he got pneumonia, and it triggered a stroke. It has just been downhill from there. He got vascular dementia, couldn't remember me or my mum or his wife. he used to think mum was grandma, grandma was his mum, and I was mum usually. My brother was usually my dad or my uncle, or sometimes mum's first husband Jon (who died when we were really young, like 5-6 years old). It was so horrible to see him like that, especially since he had always been very fit and active and would get increasingly frustrated at the fact that he couldn't remember things he knew he should, or couldn't do things that he wanted to do because of the Parkinson's. He slowly lost the ability to walk, to shower and to even use the toilet himself. He always had to have a carer and a walking frame with him at all times, and he hated it all with a passion. I couldn't bring myself to see him much in his final years, it was just so heart wrenching to see him that way. I guess I just wanted to remember him for who he was. Luca was born just shortly after he came down with the pneumonia, and he was there with me at grandpas passing, along with my Mum, and my two aunts. My two uncles were on the way. I had to tell him that my grandpa was very sick, and would probably go to heaven. The look on his face was just heartbreaking. It was crazy though, grandpa was asleep, and had lost the ability to talk ages ago. He woke up, and called us all straight out by name. He even knew Luca by name, which shocked Luke let me tell you, as he had never heard grandpa say it. He told us all how much he loved us. He asked where John and Peter were, and told Luke how beautiful he was. Luca just yelled "LA YOUU GAMMPA!" right back at him and gave him a kiss. Then grandpa just laid down his head and died. Here comes the selfish part though. I'm struggling. I have to hold it together for Luke now, but now is just one of those times where it is just getting to me. I want grandpa back, and I really really miss his presence in my life. Is it selfish that I would want to put him through all that pain and suffering again though? Luke said the sweetest thing to me at his funeral. "Mumma, no sad. Gammpa not in the box. He in heaven with Jesus." There was just so much that was left unsaid and I am kicking myself that I didn't take the opportunity to say it to him while he was here. How much I love him, how proud of him I am, and how lucky I am to have had him in my life. I will always be eternally grateful that god graced me with him as my grandpa. Luca looks a lot like him to, is actually quite striking the resemblance there. Its like when you look at him, you are looking at Grandpa. One thing I will vent about too is the conduct of certain people at his funeral. Some people were just so god damn dis respectful. One of grandpa's "friends" had a go at me outside the church for having Luca young and out of wedlock. And ironically enough the same idiot got up at the wake and gave an anti abortion speech. He also tried to take the picture of Grandpa that Luke drew to put in his casket. Luke kicked him in the shins hard and yelled "NO MAKE MUMMA CRY" before walking away to my partner. Like I am sorry but is it me or is this disrespectful? he did not even ask any of the family if he could talk, he just took it on himself and did it. Also Grandpa, being an ex servicemen, his coffin was draped in the Aussie flag. On the way from the service to the cemetery in the funeral procession, some complete random bullied his way in between our car and my uncle in the car behind. He repeatedly tailgated us, held his high beams on us, and once he finally decided to go around had the ordacity to hold down his horn at grandpas hearse, even though the flag would have been in full view!! I guess I just want my grandpa back. I wish he didn't have to miss out on everything like my wedding etc, because he cant be there. I miss him so much and I just want him here with me again. He was a wonderful, positive, brave and happy person, and someone that nobody could hate. His funeral was standing room only, just further proof of the wonderful person he was that so many turned out. I just miss him so very much. I am so sorry for your loss, and that this is so hard for you. Everyone's grief is their own journey, and we each must honor that and remember our loved ones so that we can put one foot in front of the other to take the steps we need to. To allow ourselves to seek any help we might need - that is one of the gifts we can give ourselves, and reaching out is the first step to getting better. You've done the brave and smart thing reaching out. :-) Here is one link I found that addresses coping with a grandparent's death. It's pretty short, but does give some options for you. www.caring.com/questions/dealing-with-grief-over-deathI like the idea of a grief support group. POMC support group meetings were one of the things that helped me the most. You may be able to find one through your county Mental Health/Mental Resources department? Some of my daughter's friends found some help through ours. Many churches seem to host grief support groups too. Pumpkin usually has some really good ideas, so I am looking forward to seeing what she has to say.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Sept 13, 2013 6:48:08 GMT -5
Ok so I realize that this is a little o/t when it comes to murder, since Grandpa died of natural causes, but I am really struggling with his passing, and I have no idea where else to turn to now. My grandpa was my hero, and he was someone as a kid growing up I really really looked up to. He was very kind and gentle, and seldom got angry or yelled at anyone. He just lived his life spreading positivity wherever he went and he was much loved. he was born in 1923 and died the day before my birthday this year. Only 6 months before I had lost my grandma (his wife) too. Grandpa was a veteran of WW2 and fought in the pacific against the Japanese. He was even on a ship in the pacific ocean that got torpedoed by the Japanese and Grandpa was left to survive in the water for two days. He told me he watched all his friends in the water being shot around him by the enemy as they tried to swim for safety. Grandpa survived by playing dead on a wooden board for three days, until he was picked up by the Australian navy. as a kid, I really really admired him for everything he did to defend our great country, and I always told him I wanted him to know how grateful I was that he and my poppy (dad's dad) got up and fought so hard for our freedom. Grandpa always said though that he thought the best thanks I could ever give him was to make the most of the opportunities given to me here. Make the most of my education, my right to vote, my work opportunities, and every other freedom I enjoy. I tried so hard to go on and do that and make him proud. He was very active in my life growing up, I think especially since Poppy and Nanna had died years before I turned up, so Grandma and Grandpa were all I had when it came to grandparents. He never missed a thing in his grandpa duties. School concerts, graduations, choir concerts, birthdays, you name it, grandpa was always there. He always said he wouldn't miss it for the world and that if he was in an iron lung he would still make the nurses take him. He saw me do so much and I cant help but think of all the things he will miss out on now. My wedding, my concerts, performances, and tours (I am a tour guide). He wont be there to see any of them. He wont be able to watch my son grow up, and Luca wont even remember him. The only way he will know what a great person Great Grandpa was is through me. And I will teach him the same things my grandpa taught me, to make the most of every day, every opportunity and to never take his freedom for granted, because at the end of the day, someone got up and fought for it. That many great and wonderful men and women have fought and died for him to have those opportunities. The sad thing is that Grandpa was going along really well until 2010. He had bad Parkinson's, and couldn't walk very well or drive, but he could cook, and live independently with Grandma. Then he got pneumonia, and it triggered a stroke. It has just been downhill from there. He got vascular dementia, couldn't remember me or my mum or his wife. he used to think mum was grandma, grandma was his mum, and I was mum usually. My brother was usually my dad or my uncle, or sometimes mum's first husband Jon (who died when we were really young, like 5-6 years old). It was so horrible to see him like that, especially since he had always been very fit and active and would get increasingly frustrated at the fact that he couldn't remember things he knew he should, or couldn't do things that he wanted to do because of the Parkinson's. He slowly lost the ability to walk, to shower and to even use the toilet himself. He always had to have a carer and a walking frame with him at all times, and he hated it all with a passion. I couldn't bring myself to see him much in his final years, it was just so heart wrenching to see him that way. I guess I just wanted to remember him for who he was. Luca was born just shortly after he came down with the pneumonia, and he was there with me at grandpas passing, along with my Mum, and my two aunts. My two uncles were on the way. I had to tell him that my grandpa was very sick, and would probably go to heaven. The look on his face was just heartbreaking. It was crazy though, grandpa was asleep, and had lost the ability to talk ages ago. He woke up, and called us all straight out by name. He even knew Luca by name, which shocked Luke let me tell you, as he had never heard grandpa say it. He told us all how much he loved us. He asked where John and Peter were, and told Luke how beautiful he was. Luca just yelled "LA YOUU GAMMPA!" right back at him and gave him a kiss. Then grandpa just laid down his head and died. Here comes the selfish part though. I'm struggling. I have to hold it together for Luke now, but now is just one of those times where it is just getting to me. I want grandpa back, and I really really miss his presence in my life. Is it selfish that I would want to put him through all that pain and suffering again though? Luke said the sweetest thing to me at his funeral. "Mumma, no sad. Gammpa not in the box. He in heaven with Jesus." There was just so much that was left unsaid and I am kicking myself that I didn't take the opportunity to say it to him while he was here. How much I love him, how proud of him I am, and how lucky I am to have had him in my life. I will always be eternally grateful that god graced me with him as my grandpa. Luca looks a lot like him to, is actually quite striking the resemblance there. Its like when you look at him, you are looking at Grandpa. One thing I will vent about too is the conduct of certain people at his funeral. Some people were just so god damn dis respectful. One of grandpa's "friends" had a go at me outside the church for having Luca young and out of wedlock. And ironically enough the same idiot got up at the wake and gave an anti abortion speech. He also tried to take the picture of Grandpa that Luke drew to put in his casket. Luke kicked him in the shins hard and yelled "NO MAKE MUMMA CRY" before walking away to my partner. Like I am sorry but is it me or is this disrespectful? he did not even ask any of the family if he could talk, he just took it on himself and did it. Also Grandpa, being an ex servicemen, his coffin was draped in the Aussie flag. On the way from the service to the cemetery in the funeral procession, some complete random bullied his way in between our car and my uncle in the car behind. He repeatedly tailgated us, held his high beams on us, and once he finally decided to go around had the ordacity to hold down his horn at grandpas hearse, even though the flag would have been in full view!! I guess I just want my grandpa back. I wish he didn't have to miss out on everything like my wedding etc, because he cant be there. I miss him so much and I just want him here with me again. He was a wonderful, positive, brave and happy person, and someone that nobody could hate. His funeral was standing room only, just further proof of the wonderful person he was that so many turned out. I just miss him so very much. Here's some links to grief support groups: www.griefshare.org/findagroup griefnet.org/ Hope this helps! Take care.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Sept 13, 2013 6:53:40 GMT -5
Ok so I realize that this is a little o/t when it comes to murder, since Grandpa died of natural causes, but I am really struggling with his passing, and I have no idea where else to turn to now. My grandpa was my hero, and he was someone as a kid growing up I really really looked up to. He was very kind and gentle, and seldom got angry or yelled at anyone. He just lived his life spreading positivity wherever he went and he was much loved. he was born in 1923 and died the day before my birthday this year. Only 6 months before I had lost my grandma (his wife) too. Grandpa was a veteran of WW2 and fought in the pacific against the Japanese. He was even on a ship in the pacific ocean that got torpedoed by the Japanese and Grandpa was left to survive in the water for two days. He told me he watched all his friends in the water being shot around him by the enemy as they tried to swim for safety. Grandpa survived by playing dead on a wooden board for three days, until he was picked up by the Australian navy. as a kid, I really really admired him for everything he did to defend our great country, and I always told him I wanted him to know how grateful I was that he and my poppy (dad's dad) got up and fought so hard for our freedom. Grandpa always said though that he thought the best thanks I could ever give him was to make the most of the opportunities given to me here. Make the most of my education, my right to vote, my work opportunities, and every other freedom I enjoy. I tried so hard to go on and do that and make him proud. He was very active in my life growing up, I think especially since Poppy and Nanna had died years before I turned up, so Grandma and Grandpa were all I had when it came to grandparents. He never missed a thing in his grandpa duties. School concerts, graduations, choir concerts, birthdays, you name it, grandpa was always there. He always said he wouldn't miss it for the world and that if he was in an iron lung he would still make the nurses take him. He saw me do so much and I cant help but think of all the things he will miss out on now. My wedding, my concerts, performances, and tours (I am a tour guide). He wont be there to see any of them. He wont be able to watch my son grow up, and Luca wont even remember him. The only way he will know what a great person Great Grandpa was is through me. And I will teach him the same things my grandpa taught me, to make the most of every day, every opportunity and to never take his freedom for granted, because at the end of the day, someone got up and fought for it. That many great and wonderful men and women have fought and died for him to have those opportunities. The sad thing is that Grandpa was going along really well until 2010. He had bad Parkinson's, and couldn't walk very well or drive, but he could cook, and live independently with Grandma. Then he got pneumonia, and it triggered a stroke. It has just been downhill from there. He got vascular dementia, couldn't remember me or my mum or his wife. he used to think mum was grandma, grandma was his mum, and I was mum usually. My brother was usually my dad or my uncle, or sometimes mum's first husband Jon (who died when we were really young, like 5-6 years old). It was so horrible to see him like that, especially since he had always been very fit and active and would get increasingly frustrated at the fact that he couldn't remember things he knew he should, or couldn't do things that he wanted to do because of the Parkinson's. He slowly lost the ability to walk, to shower and to even use the toilet himself. He always had to have a carer and a walking frame with him at all times, and he hated it all with a passion. I couldn't bring myself to see him much in his final years, it was just so heart wrenching to see him that way. I guess I just wanted to remember him for who he was. Luca was born just shortly after he came down with the pneumonia, and he was there with me at grandpas passing, along with my Mum, and my two aunts. My two uncles were on the way. I had to tell him that my grandpa was very sick, and would probably go to heaven. The look on his face was just heartbreaking. It was crazy though, grandpa was asleep, and had lost the ability to talk ages ago. He woke up, and called us all straight out by name. He even knew Luca by name, which shocked Luke let me tell you, as he had never heard grandpa say it. He told us all how much he loved us. He asked where John and Peter were, and told Luke how beautiful he was. Luca just yelled "LA YOUU GAMMPA!" right back at him and gave him a kiss. Then grandpa just laid down his head and died. Here comes the selfish part though. I'm struggling. I have to hold it together for Luke now, but now is just one of those times where it is just getting to me. I want grandpa back, and I really really miss his presence in my life. Is it selfish that I would want to put him through all that pain and suffering again though? Luke said the sweetest thing to me at his funeral. "Mumma, no sad. Gammpa not in the box. He in heaven with Jesus." There was just so much that was left unsaid and I am kicking myself that I didn't take the opportunity to say it to him while he was here. How much I love him, how proud of him I am, and how lucky I am to have had him in my life. I will always be eternally grateful that god graced me with him as my grandpa. Luca looks a lot like him to, is actually quite striking the resemblance there. Its like when you look at him, you are looking at Grandpa. One thing I will vent about too is the conduct of certain people at his funeral. Some people were just so god damn dis respectful. One of grandpa's "friends" had a go at me outside the church for having Luca young and out of wedlock. And ironically enough the same idiot got up at the wake and gave an anti abortion speech. He also tried to take the picture of Grandpa that Luke drew to put in his casket. Luke kicked him in the shins hard and yelled "NO MAKE MUMMA CRY" before walking away to my partner. Like I am sorry but is it me or is this disrespectful? he did not even ask any of the family if he could talk, he just took it on himself and did it. Also Grandpa, being an ex servicemen, his coffin was draped in the Aussie flag. On the way from the service to the cemetery in the funeral procession, some complete random bullied his way in between our car and my uncle in the car behind. He repeatedly tailgated us, held his high beams on us, and once he finally decided to go around had the ordacity to hold down his horn at grandpas hearse, even though the flag would have been in full view!! I guess I just want my grandpa back. I wish he didn't have to miss out on everything like my wedding etc, because he cant be there. I miss him so much and I just want him here with me again. He was a wonderful, positive, brave and happy person, and someone that nobody could hate. His funeral was standing room only, just further proof of the wonderful person he was that so many turned out. I just miss him so very much. I am so sorry for your loss, and that this is so hard for you. Everyone's grief is their own journey, and we each must honor that and remember our loved ones so that we can put one foot in front of the other to take the steps we need to. To allow ourselves to seek any help we might need - that is one of the gifts we can give ourselves, and reaching out is the first step to getting better. You've done the brave and smart thing reaching out. :-) Here is one link I found that addresses coping with a grandparent's death. It's pretty short, but does give some options for you. www.caring.com/questions/dealing-with-grief-over-deathI like the idea of a grief support group. POMC support group meetings were one of the things that helped me the most. You may be able to find one through your county Mental Health/Mental Resources department? Some of my daughter's friends found some help through ours. Many churches seem to host grief support groups too. Pumpkin usually has some really good ideas, so I am looking forward to seeing what she has to say. Thanks for your kind words.
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