kelly
First-time poster
Posts: 1
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Post by kelly on Jul 14, 2005 22:48:23 GMT -5
I am the recent survivor of a murder suicide that took the lives of my sister, my 13 y/o nephew, 10 y/o niece, 8 y/o neice, my brother-in-laws mother who was also a close friend and my brother-in-law who then killed himself. I am so lost and grief stricken. How does one who suffers such loss and tragedy begin to move forward? My sister was my best friend, there was never any indication nor has any explanation surfaced to explain what has happened. I cry all the time and feel as if I am in a different world than others. My nephews Birthday is next weekend and I am terrified. Please, if anyone is willing to share how they are living through their hurt and pain I would be so grateful.
Kelly
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Post by wordup on Jul 15, 2005 0:50:36 GMT -5
HELLO: KELLY FIRST OFF, LET ME JUST SAY TO YOU, I'M SOOOOO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSSES, THIS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ONE TO BARE. AND I WANT TO TELL YOU I REALLY KNOW WHAT IT FEEL LIKE TO LOSE SOMEONE YOU LOVE, BUT NEVER SO MANY AT ONCE. THIS HAD TO HAVE THROWN YOU FOR A FLIP.
YOU HAVE CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE, LISTEN, READ THESE POSTS AND YOU WILL SEE, YOU ARE NOT AT ALL ALONE, I WISHED I HADN'T HAD TO FIND THIS BOARD, BUT I'M GLAD I DID.
THOSE FEELING THAT YOU HAVE THEY ARE THOSE THAT WE ALL EXPERINCE. THOSE DAYS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T HARDLY MAKE IT THROUGH, THE WHYS, THE WHAT IFS, THE ANGER. THE TEARS, AND THE PAIN OF IT ALL. THESE ARE ALL NORMAL. AND WHAT I HAVE FOUND OUT IS, THEY DON'T HAVE A CERTAIN TIME WHEN THEY COME DOWN ON US,
WHAT HAS BEEN A HELP TO ME, IS COMING TO THIS BOARD, WHENEVER I'M HAVING A BAD DAY OR FEELING ALONE, AND LIKE NOONE CARE OR UNDERSTAND. I READ WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING, AND SOMETIMES WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, I FEEL BETTER BECAUSE OF WHAT SOMEONE HAD WRITTEN.
THERE ARE NO SET RULES TO FOLLOW WHEN ONE SAYS, MOVE ON. HOWEVER IT IT A FACT THAT EVERYONE DEAL WITH THEIR ISSUES, THAT WOULD BEST FIT THEM. SOME USE OUTSIDE SOURCES (DOC. MEDS. GROUP.ECT..) AND MAYBE YOU CAN BENIFIT FROM SOME OF THESE. THE MAIN THING IS TAKING YOUR TIME, AND MOVE AT YOUR OWN PACE, WE HAVE GOOD DAYS THEN WE HAVE BAD ONES. BUT TRUST ME YOU ARE IN OUR WORLD AND YOU WILL BE OK.
THOSE BIRTHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS CAN BE VERY STRESSFUL. THOSE UP COMING DAYS WILL BE A GOOD TIME TO COME AND JUST VENT. BECAUSE HERE YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, WHATEVER YOU ARE FEELING AND NOT BE JUDGE FOR IT. I DO HOPE YOU WILL STAY WITH US, AND LET US HELP YOU. THROUGH OUR STORIES, AND WE OPENLY EXCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF KELLY.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jul 15, 2005 5:59:57 GMT -5
Dear Kelly, I'm so sorry about your family. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find comfort here. As Wordup said, what you're feeling is normal. When it happened to me I also felt this way, when I was out in public I just wanted to scream "don't you know what happened to us?", as the world was just going on and my world and that of my family had just been turned upside down. I had 2 family members murdered by another family member in 1990. I'm going to come back on here later and write you more, but I wanted to welcome you to this board and give my condolences.
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Post by mattsma on Jul 15, 2005 14:50:53 GMT -5
:'(Hello Kelly, Your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry that you had to find yourself is this terrible situation. I want to welcome you to the board, and I hope that you find this a safe place. We all have a different story to tell, and it helps just to come here to vent. Please come back and take care. b-safe deb
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jul 16, 2005 9:46:54 GMT -5
Dear Kelly, the ways I've gotten through the hurt and pain are: going to a psychologist. My 1st doctor I saw many years and I thank God for her. What's wonderful is you can be totally free and open and as survivors we really need that caring and acceptance. Another way was to go to Parents of Murdered Children meetings. This was a great help. There's a link to them on this site, hopefully there's a meeting by you. I also got counseling at church on the spiritual aspects of the whole thing that weren't covered in therapy. This board will also help. Here are people that truly understand and care. Also having caring friends and family helped me, people who have the patience and caring to listen to you no matter what. You'll find friends like that on this board. I'll always have my "bad days" as I call them, when I think the worst of everyone and everything. I've learned, though, through counseling how better to handle these days and not take out my pain on other people. Be easy on yourself right now and do what is right when you feel the time is right. Don't let people tell you "get over it", etc., as they mean well but aren't right about recovery from this. This is all a process. I also wanted to add that the perpetrator in our case tried several ways to kill herself after she did it. To me this was a sign that she knew how bad what she did was. I went with her to the hospital (she was my Mother) and they saved her, as she'd taken all of my Dad's medicines. This was before we knew who did it. She confessed the next morning in the hospital. If you ever need to talk, feel free to e-mail me, my address is on my profile. Please keep us updated on how the case is going and all. Take care.
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Post by ttakach10 on Feb 21, 2006 19:01:57 GMT -5
Kelly, I'm sorry to hear of your losses, How awful! Unfortunately, we do have this in common. My brother in law had decided that he didn't want to live anymore so, he up and killed his 6yr old son along with my identical twin sister and then he killed himself. This happened 4 1/2 years ago. It's hard to live with everyday. It's a constant struggle. I'm slowly learning to live with it. I've joined a twins support group for surviving twins and its helped me. I make a point to go to the gatherings and annual conferences. I hope I dont sound insentative by asking, "How long has it been?".
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Post by meme on Feb 26, 2006 18:08:20 GMT -5
When suicide is involved you always wonder... why didn't they just kill themselves and leave everyone else alone? It is torment, looking back for any sign that could have stopped this insanity. How very selfish of the killer.
I have lived through three seperate murders. The thing that gets me through day to day is spiritual reading. I don't know if I can mention the author I read, but she has 25 best sellers, and I would have lost myself without her help.
Your sister and her children are with you, watching over you. I keep the spirits of my loved ones alive by doing as much artwork depicting the precious victim in various stages of their lives. A legacy to honor them.
Everyone is not an artist but you can maybe write stories of your experiences with your loved ones. Add photos, poems or whatever to make a small book of their lives.
When you are down is the perfect time to partake in their memorial book. Just a suggestion, I hope this helps.
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toniann
Regular
Just a lil redneck
Posts: 384
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Post by toniann on Apr 27, 2006 1:39:00 GMT -5
what makes a child(19) think he has nothing to live for? and then think that if he takes the closest ones he cares for, than somehow he can care for them on the other side? im afraid that their love and undying devotion might sentence them to eternal damnation? i loved my nephew i really kinda raised him. and had he lived i think i would want to kill him. ...........but i loved him, im so confused
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Post by meme on Apr 27, 2006 13:58:37 GMT -5
You have a right to be confused. The concept of murder is so unacceptable to the brains of "normal" people (whatever that is) that we are in shock and disbelief. The question of WHY may never be answered. If anyone can figure that out, it may be the detective. There should be victim's services to help you. This is sorrowful, and so unfair to those who loved the victims. I'm in agreement, I'd like to kill the murderer too!
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toniann
Regular
Just a lil redneck
Posts: 384
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Post by toniann on Apr 27, 2006 18:18:08 GMT -5
Kelly, I reread what I wrote and I am ashamed that I assumed that the one who killled and then took thier own life would go to hell........who am i to judge, we must remember that these individuals are not sane, and the lord knows this right? anyway Im sorry to have voiced an opinion based on emotions keep the faith toni
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