|
Post by toniga on Nov 3, 2005 3:46:41 GMT -5
Hi, I have searched for a site like this for quite a while now. My mother killed my father when I was in-utero, and I was born in prison.It is a long story but basically I get so fed up with people assuming my dad was beating her and that she killed him in self-defense.She was first charged with first-degree murder ,then, from what I am now assuming was a lack of evidence to prove first degree murder she was charged with manslaughter.My life has had so many challenges due to her actions, and it would be nice to meet people I can share this with.It happened 33 years ago and the effect the murder and resulting effects on so much of my life has put me in a place of awareness that results in alienation and isolation at times.Thanks so much for this forum being here.If anyone needs my support please feel free to email me.Oops, my name is Tonette.Hello all!
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Nov 3, 2005 6:46:39 GMT -5
Dear Tonette, I'm very sorry about your Dad. My Mom murdered my Dad when I was 24. She also killed my Grandma. I know exactly what you mean by the isolation. It's something I have to fight all the time not to do. I think you'll agree the isolation is a way we avoid not being hurt more. I'm glad you found this site and hope it will be a comfort to you. Take care.
|
|
|
Post by toniga on Nov 4, 2005 5:31:55 GMT -5
thank you so much for replying.i really would like to know your story one day.usually when i tell people they get scared and treat me so differently, so it's nice to find a forum where i can express many feelings and thoughts others might not understand.thank you all for being brave and putting your stories up here.your stories need to be heard! i am so tired of my dad being reduced to a story.he was a human being.my pain,his pain and my families pain is/was real.my heart goes out to you all.
|
|
|
Post by wordup on Nov 7, 2005 3:41:38 GMT -5
HI TONIGA, JUST WANTED TO SAY WELCOME AND THANK YOU FOR SHAREING WHAT YOU HAVE, I ALSO WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAD, AND THAT IT WAS YOUR MOM THAT DID IT, AS YOU CAN SEE YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE ALL CAN RELATE IN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, YET WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, WE ARE TOTALLY CONNECTED FOR IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO ONE THING, WE HAVE LOSS SOMEONE THAT WE LOVE, OUR LIVES HAS BEEN CHANGED FOREVER, SO COME AND VENT WE WILL LISTEN. TAKE CARE.
|
|
|
Post by toniga on Nov 8, 2005 1:41:01 GMT -5
thank you so much for replying to my post.i am glad there is a place to share my pain and strength and also one day i can be a source of comfort for some of you.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Nov 20, 2005 8:15:51 GMT -5
Dear Tonette, thanks for your reply. My story: in 1990 my Mom killed my Dad and Grandma. I was 24, and living with Mom and Dad at the time. The reasons she did it (that we know for sure): she had an untreated mental illness (manic depression) that she wasn't getting treatment for; there was unresolved verbal/emotional abuse between her and my Grandma (her Mother), and she had a rotten incompetent medical doctor treating her who she saw the day before and he's given her a prescription for Prozac. She was nearly hysterical the night before about the Prozac prescription, telling me that if she took it she'd kill herself or something like that. Nothing I said or did could calm her down. The doctor should have NEVER given her that as it wasn't the right drug for what she had. He didn't even do a physical exam and bloodwork on her before prescribing it. We later took this doctor to court and lost the case. The state I live in, malpractice at that time was "all or nothing". We had 2 questions for the jury, and they agreed on 1 of them but not the other so we lost the whole case. However, it was worth it to me, as I'm HOPING it got this doctor to see the wrong he had done. There's some things we don't know for sure besides these, 1 being that it's possible my Dad had admitted her mental state after that last doctor's visit. Mom was found incompetent to be tried and was committed to the state mental hospital. She passed her competency test a few years later but when she knew she'd be sent back home for trial she regressed again. After that she never got any better and died in the hospital 7 years later. We never went to trial and the case was closed after she died. There was never any question that she'd done it, as she confessed the next day after doing it. After she'd done it, she tried to kill herself several ways and I went with her to the hospital, as her last attempt was to take all my Dad's medicines. I only saw her once in the mental hospital and just couldn't face seeing her again in person to be honest. I did write her and call her a few times but she'd always hang up on me on the phone and never wrote back. In the few times she was in her right mind, she knew what she did and just the way her mannerisms and expressions were she was devastated and just a shell of the person she once was. These were my impressions on the 1 visit that I made in person. She never expressed remorse to me or to 1 of my brothers who was her guardian but I've always hoped she repented to God.
|
|
|
Post by toniga on Nov 20, 2005 8:37:13 GMT -5
wow we have much in common with our mothers.i am so sorry this happened to you.it has to be hard at times.my mom was diagonsed acutely psycotic in prison while waiting trial so i can understand what you went thru to some degree.my mom also doesn't express much remore besides the fact my grandparents claim it was an accident although she wrote a letter to some guy trrying to get him to kill my father but i guess it was found by my grandmother,it is even in the court transcripts.my mom was so full of remorse she (shortened story) told me the money i got when i was 18 from my dads death was HER money.i wish you never had this happen.i ve read so many stories and i am glad you people get to share your side of the story because as many of you know our stories get overshadowed at times.i have read so many stories on this forum and cried and felt so angry at what has happened to you all.please keep going when any of you feel down because you and i matter and our stories and out loved ones matter.you are all in my thoughts!
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Nov 20, 2005 11:07:36 GMT -5
Dear Toniga, was your Mom diagnosed with a specific mental illness? Or did she have a nervous breakdown in prison or something like that? I know my Mom the strain of her being in the mental hospital didn't help her mentally, but at the same time I think that was the place she had to be because of what she did. Whenever I think of if my Mom repented or not I feel upset. I just pray she did. I agree with you about the stories of people on here. They're just heartbreaking. But I find it inspiring, too, that people on here didn't lose their sanity and are doing the best then can with what happened to them.
|
|
|
Post by toniga on Nov 20, 2005 19:36:32 GMT -5
All I know is she had emotional issues related to her parents(my grandparents).I know for certian she was diagnosed with being "acutely psychotic" while waiting trial.I know in prison she was then diagnosed with being schitzophrenic(not sure of how to spell it).She has had a few breakdowns and suicide attempts but she would never take any lethal doses of pills to my knowledge.I think in her case it was a ploy for attention.Actually ,I do feel bad when she was in prison ,because suppossedly they chained her up often and fed her full of Thorazine and Haldol,even while I was in her womb.
I do agree the stories on her are heartbreaking and inspiring. I feel thankful that I have a place to share my story which helps me(and others) greatly.
|
|
|
Post by wordup on Nov 20, 2005 21:18:37 GMT -5
hI tONIGA, I THINK I UNDERSTAND BETTER NOW, ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH, AND MAN MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND OTHERS THAT ARE/HAVE GONE THROUH WHAT YOU ARE, AND I AM ON THE OPPISITE SIDE OF THE COIN YET I AM HURMAN AND I DO FEEL OTHERS PAIN, I TRY HARD TO UNDERSTAND YET NEVER SEEM TO GET ANY ONE PERSON TO REALLY TALK ABOUT IT. IT IS ALWAYS GIVEN IN PIECES, MAYBE IT IS SOMETHING ONE REALLY HAVE NO DESIRE TO TALK ABOUT, I WONT TO KNOW, WHAT WENT WRONG, WITH THE GUY THAT KILLED MY BABY. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS POST TO HEART, BUT IF YOU CAN HELP ME THEN I WILL WELCOME IT.
|
|
|
Post by toniga on Nov 21, 2005 5:29:53 GMT -5
Wordup: anything I can help you with please ask and I will try to help you in the best way I am capable of.
|
|
|
Post by x3017 on Aug 3, 2008 15:56:20 GMT -5
I know this is an old thread but, my mother murdered my father about 5 months before I was born. She served time for manslaughter during the first 5 or so years of my life. It's interesting to see I'm not really the only one who has had to deal with this. My mother, though undiagnosed and estranged from me for 5 years, I truly believe was a sociopath, meaning she had Antisocial Personality Disorder. I dealt with her abuse for most of my teen years and fear I'm just a better adjusted sociopath myself.
|
|
|
Post by Charlene on Aug 3, 2008 20:55:31 GMT -5
I know this is an old thread but, my mother murdered my father about 5 months before I was born. She served time for manslaughter during the first 5 or so years of my life. It's interesting to see I'm not really the only one who has had to deal with this. My mother, though undiagnosed and estranged from me for 5 years, I truly believe was a sociopath, meaning she had Antisocial Personality Disorder. I dealt with her abuse for most of my teen years and fear I'm just a better adjusted sociopath myself. Even though the thread is old, I am glad it was still here to show you that you are not alone. I imagine that there are many more people in very similar circumstances who have not found this board or would not want to talk about it even if they had.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Aug 4, 2008 5:39:44 GMT -5
Dear x3017, I'm very sorry about your Father. My Mother murdered my Father in 1990. She has bipolar disorder that she refused to treat on a consistent basis. When she DID go for treatment, she never stuck with it. If you don't mind my asking, what happened to your Mother after she got out of prison? Did you keep in touch with her? I felt VERY alone as far as being an inter-family MVS before this board was started. I went to Parents of Murdered Children meetings for a few years after the murders in my family and not 1 person there had an inter-family case. Here's the 1st place I "met" others and I'm thankful every day. At least 22% of murder cases in the US are inter-family, by the way. There's a lot of us out there. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. Take care.
|
|
|
Post by x3017 on Aug 4, 2008 8:36:48 GMT -5
I dealt with her abuse through my childhood until I was 18 when I moved out of her house. We had a very spotty relationship until I was about 26 when I became fed up with her toxic influence and ceased all communication. I was never close to her family, and had little to no contact with my fathers family.
|
|
|
Post by x3017 on Aug 4, 2008 8:38:33 GMT -5
The past couple of years I've come to terms with the sort of damage that was done to my social skills, and the way I looked at the world. I know that I am different than many others because of it but the more I can understand about my own behavior and how I got this way helps me stay under control.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Aug 5, 2008 10:07:50 GMT -5
I dealt with her abuse through my childhood until I was 18 when I moved out of her house. We had a very spotty relationship until I was about 26 when I became fed up with her toxic influence and ceased all communication. I was never close to her family, and had little to no contact with my fathers family. I understand to a degree about the abuse. Mom's abuse was emotional and verbal. I don't feel guilty (and never will) for saying that her being committed by the courts was 1 of the best things that happened to me. I was FREE! I wasn't being abused anymore once she was committed. I learned through all that that if we don't cut off contact with abusers in our lives who think there's nothing wrong with them, etc., we're going to end up with a horrible life. NONE OF US DESERVE ABUSE! Especially after ALREADY going through the hell of becoming an inter-family MVS. Your choice to get away from your Mother I understand. I had very little contact with mine after she was committed. I saw her once in person and other than that sent a few cards and letters. Thanks for answering my questions. Take care.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Aug 5, 2008 10:15:23 GMT -5
I know this is an old thread but, my mother murdered my father about 5 months before I was born. She served time for manslaughter during the first 5 or so years of my life. It's interesting to see I'm not really the only one who has had to deal with this. My mother, though undiagnosed and estranged from me for 5 years, I truly believe was a sociopath, meaning she had Antisocial Personality Disorder. I dealt with her abuse for most of my teen years and fear I'm just a better adjusted sociopath myself. Even though the thread is old, I am glad it was still here to show you that you are not alone. I imagine that there are many more people in very similar circumstances who have not found this board or would not want to talk about it even if they had. Of all the MVS in the US, at least 22% of them are in the inter-family category. 1 thing this board has proven is that the more of us that tell our stories, the more OTHER inter-family MVS will also speak out. ;D Sharing our stories gives others the strength to tell theirs, too. Of course, with ALL MVS, there'll be some who don't choose to come on boards. That's their right. I may not have if I hadn't been introduced to the Internet by a family member. The steady growth of this specific board proves that more inter-family MVS are speaking out. This is very needed as it helps us heal. I resolved that once I was treated by a FEW (not ALL, thank God) with fear and hesitancy once I talked FULLY about my familys' case that I'd do something to FIGHT IT. To PROVE that not ALL the inter-family MVS fit the stereotypes of narrow-minded people full of fear. Or 1's who have had a bad experience with the family/friends of ANY murderer and after that put us ALL in the same "bad" ( ) group. I'm very thankful that not ALL I met at Parents of Murdered Children meetings treated me this way. But, I resolved from the few that DID that in the long run I'd do what I could to educate people about us inter-family MVS. Here I am going on and on (as usual ), so thanks for listening to me go on about 1 of my favorite causes.
|
|