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Post by toniga on Dec 20, 2005 20:45:50 GMT -5
My aunt invited us three kids to Thanksgiving.I declined to go because of whatever reasons I have.I find out she never wanted us there in the first place.What did I do to this woman? Nothing! What did I ask of this woman? Nothing! I ended up calling another aunt asking if this was true and it ended up with me telling her my aunt(pne that invited us to thanksgiving but didnt want us there) and uncle(her brother) can **** off.I then find out my granddad who "raised" us(if you could even call it raised us more like abused us) telling EVERYONE at the party what a loser I am althought I work part time and am going to school FULL TIME and am a good mother! I had to rant because I have so much going on and all these personal problems and the holidays.I told my grandmother I can't talk to him anymore and then we hung up on each other.My family is poison to me.Mu aunt I talked to seems to think that I had it much better than my grandparents biological kids and I went off and told her she was wrong wrong wrong! I had to rant someone where I felt like someone could understand the issues related to my life.I have been crying all day and I feel so hated.
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Post by wordup on Dec 20, 2005 23:10:18 GMT -5
Hi:Toniga I'm so sorry you have been made to feel as you have, and you know I think about all of this and I can tell you, it's not your fault, again it come back to this, we all have suffered a great loss, and you would think this is just the sort of thing that would bring families back together, saddly to say, this is not always true. I know what you are saying when you say, you have not done anything to your aunt, and I for one feel, if you don't care for me, then leave me alone, you live and I will live and to top all things off, they haven't a clue as to what is going on with us, they seem to reach their own conclusion as to what they think of us. I want to tell you, try not to spend to much time on this, for I have learned that when I'm blessed with a few people like I have been on this board, who cares about what I'm going through, and is willing to help get me through it all, then I have found that it has been a good thing for me, in other words, people here, I've never meet yet feel like I truly know. this has been a help to me. because like you, I have so many issues, and the last thing I want to do, is call myself trying to make someone care about me, knowing that they really don't. then again have they ever told you what it is about you that they don't like? Sometimes we don't have to do anything to others for them not to like us, It is just the way we think, act, or feel that they seem to have a problem with. However knowing that their love can be replaced by others, will get you thorough this, I feel your tears, but remember you are still not alone. take care of you and yours. Just be who you are and focus on those that you know cares about you, You will be ok, I know you will.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Dec 21, 2005 19:00:00 GMT -5
Toniga, I'm sorry to hear this. I have family that don't bother with me at all. They never call, write, nothing. When they do rarely show up they talk to me like a retarded 5 year old. It's so fake it's pathetic besides that. The advice I got from my counselor: if you've tried and tried, ie., contacting them, writing letters, e-mails, etc., and all you get in return is nothing or hurt and/or abuse, then end the relationship. I'm going to be doing that with these who act this way. Always remember, those who attack you in this way NEED HELP THEMSELVES. They're projecting on you. You're doing a lot of good in your life, with being in school, working and raising a child. That's wonderful and to be commended, NOT to be put down. You are NOT A LOSER. Ignore this talk, it's wrong and shows how they need to fix THEMSELVES. People project on others their own problems when they're not dealing with fixing them. I do have some family members that care about me, but there's a few issues with them, too. 1 is that my health problems aren't taken seriously or asked about, etc. But compared to those who never bother like you exist at all, I can live with this, but when it comes up next time I plan to speak up for myself. I'm sorry you're going through this. Like Wordup said, our tragedies should bring us closer and sometimes they don't. I think 1 reason is the tragedies sometimes bring up what's wrong in the family already and instead of having that exposed they'd rather lash out, etc., than deal with it. This goes on to some degree in my family. Those who didn't bother still don't bother. Their not bothering was a contributor to my Mother's state of mind before she committed the murders. I'm glad you can vent here and we're here to listen and anything else you need. Take care.
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Post by toniga on Dec 22, 2005 1:12:51 GMT -5
Thanks for the words of support.I had a talk with a few family members and, my aunt by marriage seems to think its best for us to be included.I don't want to be included in their lives(too late) so she doesn't have to speak for me nor my siblings, although I know she has good intentions.I do feel so grateful for my loved ones its just the holidays have been stressful. It bugs me when I feel that they try to make waves or be intrusive and they aren't welcome there anymore and haven't been for many years.I have my own family now.
Thanks for the words of support because you guys get where I am at to some degree.I wish I could adopt you guys! lol.
Pumpkin I think you summed so much of it up for me! it rings so true.I just don't want contact with those family members and this year I am not going to have any contact with my aunt or uncle.Family doesn't have to be relatives.Thanks for the support and make sure to take care of yourself(all of you!).The holidays can be a trying time so make sure you all take care of yourself!
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Post by nomi67 on Dec 22, 2005 17:37:49 GMT -5
Toniga, I am sorry also for your sadness. It seems so often anymore that families are not like they used to be. They too often are fragmented and hurtful. Because of my own tragedy I know what that is like. My mother's family who claimed they loved my mother's children...turned on me and my sister like rabid animals after my mother's death. These same aunts knew what was going on with my sister and I, with our parents care, and how overwhelmed, and exhausted we were and refused to help. Well, you might know they were the first to point fingers after my mother died. They had no sympathy whatsoever for my sister and her plight, just criticism. I no longer want anything to do with them, I consider them hypocritical(they are all religious), and spiteful. I am a mother, and a grandmother, and I hope things get better for you. I wouldn't do my family(child or grandchildren)as you have been done. Don't let your family cause you pain, and hold your head up, knowing you actually deserve better, and just know that "what goes around, comes around". I have seen that happen many times. Take care, and GOD Bless.
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Post by toniga on Dec 22, 2005 19:09:40 GMT -5
Nomi67: Thanks for the words of support.Coming here and knowing people "get me" and knowing I can be of some support(I hope!) to others is very helpful.I wish there was more help available for your family before this happened.My family tried to get help for my mother and father before it happened but noone listened or took it seriously until it was too late.
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Post by chellysdadinoc on Dec 26, 2005 5:50:46 GMT -5
Toniga, I do feel in the same boat I dont beleive it our fault I have a brother that lives with in 20miles of of me and the only times I have seen him is when my father died 96' and then again in 2005' when my daughter was so viscously taken at the hands of evill (rr) I also have my son Christopher -10 and he is in the care of my ex-wife? this is a woman who did absolutely nothin to protect my little "Chellybean" I married this woman when she had three children from another marriage and there dead beat father did not care about them so I was closet parent that they could call father for 12 years and I loved these kids and have always tried to keep contact with them even after I lefet there mother so my 2 children would grow up with that family of brothers and sisters. They all have turned on me especilly when I took there mother to court for ripping my son away from three times from 02' through 04' when I infact had custody what made it worse i live in CA and they my -ex and her mother moved to V W.S. Anyway I thought we were able to get through that upto my daughter was MURDERED ON 11/2/05' my ex and her mother did nothing to protect this littlle girl because of ther own denials.Now my little girl paid the price. One thingILET MY CHELLY GOlast time I filed court orders to get my son back my daughter Chelsea 13 tells me dad I longer want to live with I want to live with my mom. I new why because she new she could get away with things with her mother that she new could not get away with me! I was raising my children on my own 5 years with know help from her mom at all. Anyway I start seeing the thingsthatWASdoing imedialtly got her in my Church to fellowship with kids her own age I was so happy she excepted jesus christ into her life wow! What a great feeling knowing I will see her again just not soon enough. Anyway 2 days prior to the hearing to get my som back Chelly tells me she wants to go live with her mom I agreed only because I knew my wife would fail.So from the day I signed temp custody I TOLDmy ex and her mom theses are the things Chelsea was doing and these are the the things that you need to do to keep her on the wright track aftersschool programs to ever take her word for granted test her for drugs get hewr into fellowship with whatever C hurch that is in the V.W.S. area they did none of this so i of cousrse have been back in court to try to get my children back asap only to have her attorney delay my hearings on three different occasions how very sad I have my daughter as a at risc you youth on my court delarations only to have my voice silenced because her attorney delays. Now the whoLe family wants nothing to do with me like I caused all of this what did I cause I still cant figure it out i did everything I could to protect my daughter and to offer them advise since day one only to get completly shut out of ther lives. I have visitation per court orders only to have them denied from the gate and now my daughter dead they I mean my ex-wife her mother and three adult children have once again done everthing they can to interfere with my relationship with my son I am Christian man and I know the bilble says you have to forgive but that is extremly difficult especially for the reasons that I truly dont understand my son was here in CA for turkey day and he has been here for christmas I have sent e-mail asking for them to let me see him i get no response whats so ever. I have realized that blood is thicker than water but I i do not deserve this nor does my son. MY next dilema is the custody hearing TO CHRIS this hearing is on 12/12/06 here in CA. Then the trial of evil killer (rr) is in V.W.S. ON 1/11/06' I want nothing more than tp proceed with the custody hearing but i get a letter from my ex's attorney hired by her mom that he is re questing 60-90day delay in the custody hearing I dont have a choice in granting this to him because I just comming of disability from a work related injury and I dont have the finances as of yet to go inti court on this next hearing it would be nice to beable go in on a OSC to have my so returned but that is not feasible as of yet!I am still trying to figure how I get to V.WS MY finances have been depleted AND i am waiting for my award from W/C Which will be substantial just not sure when that will be and hold gainful employment after al of this I dont see that in the very near future. I want nothing more to ba=e able to be at the trial of evil (RR) AS WELL AS RESOLVING THIS CUSTODY HEARING.BUT i KNOW GOD WILL PROVIDE I JUST HOPE IT IS SOONER THAN LATER. BUT ONCE AGAIN THE FAMILY ISSUES I WAS ABLE TO SPEEK AT CHELLY FUNE Iknow that tragedy will either tear familys apart or brign them togehter I DID NOT KKOW WHICH WAY IT WOULD GO FOR MY FAMILY BUT I DID SAY THIS I NEW WHAT EVER HAPPENS MY FAITH WILL GET ME THROUGH REGARDLESS and I THANKED GOD AND MY SAVIOR AND i NEW THAT WAS A WONDERFUL THING.Did I ANTICIPATE THE BRUTALTIY AND THE COMPLETE SHUT DOWN OF ME IN MY CHILD LIFE ESPECIALLY AFTER CHAELSEA TRAGEDY NO AND THAT HURTS MORE THAN I CAN SAY IN WORDS GOD BLESS, tongi maybe time will heel in my case i doubt it they are all non-beleivers and i dont KNOWWhat ever there problems are maybe becuase therE lack of being in my daughter life for one f-reason they are taking it out on me. I DONT CARE HOW MUCH THESE PEOPLE HATE ME IT DOES NOT MATTER WHATDOES MATTER IS THE EFFECT THIS IS GOT TO BE HAVING ON MY SON! ChellysdadinOC I MISS YOU ANDI LOVE YOU BEAN LOVE DADDY WILL SEE YOU SOON
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Post by chellysdadinoc on Dec 27, 2005 3:10:33 GMT -5
AS YOU CAN SEE MY EMOTION IS GOING TO BE THE END OF ME. Chelly'sdadinOC-I miss you "Chelly bean" and and I will see you soon-love daddy
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Post by toniga on Dec 27, 2005 5:11:27 GMT -5
chellysdad your going thru alot so i think the expressing of emotion is normal.you needed to be heard.vent away because thats what this forum is for and i have vented plenty on this forum.if you need to chat you can message me anytime.
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Post by wordup on Dec 28, 2005 1:13:19 GMT -5
Yes toniga is right, and I want you to know I have never left, so I offer you the same that has already been offered, take care, and don't forget, you are in a place where there are people who not only knows and understand, but are willing to help you get through what is bothering you at the time. we are not strangers any more, at least I'm not, so come as often and say what you feel, we will listen.
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Post by chellysdadinoc on Dec 29, 2005 4:46:07 GMT -5
I wanted to thank you for your kind responses but I truly do not know how much more of this I can handle. This morning I woke after a nightmare that I had as it relates to what my daughter must of gone thru before this bastard evil (rr) took her life. When I woke up I CAUGHT MYSELF SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS MY-ex's name and her mother's as to why they did nothing to protect her. Two things that are tearing me up inside is there lame a#%## comments. 1. "my ex"- she states this in the paper a couple days after my daughters murder. Chelsea was just doing what normal teens are doing at that age!!!!! thats complete bull-sh@#%# 2. "ex-mnl" this was common verbage that would spew out of her mouth this past year. Chelsea is just doing what you were doing when you were her age. That comment scared the sh@#%@## out of me now look my daughter is dead because of there f#$@^&*$ denial. I feel like giving up! I hold up well in Church but I am a total wreck these people have hurt me at the very core of who I am as a person as a father and as a man!!! worst of it I will not see my little "Chelly Bean" again in this life but I also have know contact with my son as well he is only 10. If thats not hate on there side I dont know what is!!! ChellysdadinOC- miss you "Chelly" see you soon-LOVE DADDY
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Post by wordup on Dec 29, 2005 15:23:08 GMT -5
You are right chellysdad, what you are going through is really enought to fall over the edge. I understand what you mean by holding yourself up in different places. sounds like me, Yet can not really put into words how I really feel at times, for fear that those around me, wouldn't understand. This may not be it ,but they have a tendency of making me feel like it.
You are dealing with a lot, and I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you, However I will tell you, don't give up, and do hang on, it is as you have said, you have a 10yr old son, that you are not seeing, this will give you something to set your mind on, that is trying to see what can be done, that you can get him back into your life. I wished families would look at what they do to each other, but then to, maybe they do see, Just don't care. Anyway you take care.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 8, 2006 16:54:30 GMT -5
Dear Chellysdadinoc, I'm very sorry you're going through all this. That denial in families is so evil. It destroys. It lead to 2 people in my family getting killed. And I'll NEVER NOT believe that if people had themselves right spiritually and morally that things COULD HAVE BEEN different. By that I mean some in my family. I'm very glad to hear Chelly accepted Christ. That's wonderful. I know without Christ I wouldn't be sane because of what happened in my family. Nomi67, I can identify with you to a degree as there were those in my family who just dumped my parents. The only time they called was token calls on the holidays, and you could tell they didn't want to be on the phone to begin with. What a JOKE! Then, after all happens, they're LIKE WHAT HAPPENED??!! Like I said, what a JOKE! The thing is unless you were around my Mom a lot (like I was until the end) you DID NOT KNOW how bad her mental state was. She and my Dad talked every day about how some of their family didn't care about them and didn't bother. This did NOT help my Mom's state of mind. Or my Dad's. They were very alone except for a few in the family that actually cared. I held back on these thoughts in the past, but if this comes up in my family again, I'm not going to hold back. People just don't realize how much THEIR sins hurt their families or others, but they like you said Chellysdadinoc, they're not even to the point they think anything is wrong with them. This is the spiritual blindness the Bible talks about in action. Chellysdadinoc, please keep us updated on how things go with your son. Take care and thanks for listening.
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Post by toniga on Jan 9, 2006 0:32:41 GMT -5
Chellysdadinoc: please message me if you ever need to talk!
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