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Post by crybaby on Jul 18, 2006 21:06:43 GMT -5
The time is coming closer for the trail of my mothers murder. as the date gets closer I get more scared and I just dont know what to do. My mom was killed by a friend of the family he was her PCA worker he work in her home for 2.5 years so he was a friend not just an other person no one knew but in the end none of us really knew him I guess but either was I dont know how to handle the trail I wish I knew what to do I dont know if I can deal with hearing everything they are going to say but at the same time I need to know. I guess thing just dont make sense well I fell apart when my mom was murdered and the trial will make it all happened yesterday I really can not deal with that again. Does that sound strange do I sound like a crazy person I just dont know how to do this. I have thought about moving after everything is over but then I cant visit my mothers grave but then I hate seeing her name on the ground and thinking that she is in there and not in her house or even were I can call her and say hi. This is making me so worried I just dont know what to think any more. I try to pretend that she is sleeping or busy everyday I cant stop trying to call her I talk to her everynight even though there is no answer. It has been over a year now and I still dont know how to deal and except that she is gone. and now the trial is coming up and it is going to be more real than ever. please some one tell me how to deal or help me to atleast understand how to try to deal with this. CRYBABY
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Post by wordup on Jul 18, 2006 23:16:20 GMT -5
After reading your post I couldn't help but put myself back into your shoes, by this I mean I remember and I know even now how you feel.(Hugs to you) There is no real formular to give you, but I can tell you that all of us who has had to wait for those trial went through what you are going through right now. One of the key things for you to do is stay in touch with those who have been through it, this is where you will find the most strenght. Nothing we say will prepare you for that day but it will help you get through it.
No you are not crazy at all, as a matter of fact if you weren't feeling or thinking as you are then this would have one say hummmm. so this is ok, what I say to you is. lean on us, we will be there in spirit and on this board,you come and vent about what you are feeling, we all have a word to offer you. This helped me and it will help you.
This will be a hard time for you, but as you have said, there are unanswerd questions and this maybe the only way you will get any of them. so this alone will give you a sense of courage to attend, you will go and if things get to hard on you, you can always step out. You are also right, it will be like reliving the whole thing over again, but remember you are not alone, we have been there and as I have said we will be here when that time come, so try and take care of yourself and if I can be of any help please feel free to call on me.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 19, 2006 5:47:13 GMT -5
I can really relate to your post, as the trial for my father's murder just ended on June 30. I had a lot of those same feelings and was pretty much a basket case worrying about how I was going to make it through the trial. You see, I was subpoenaed as a witness for both sides. Anyway, you're right that the trial is going to stir up emotions and make your Mom's death very real. Like you, I wanted to know what went on at the trial, but was petrified to have to hear things which would cause strong emotions (i.e., did my dad suffer, did he die immediately, etc.) I resolved it by asking a close friend of mine and my victim advocate to sit through the trial and take notes. That way, they could censor anything that they felt I wasn't strong enough to handle. And I was present for the opening and closing statements, which is like a big summary for the case...so I got the gist ofwhat was being said.. I also plan on getting a copy of the actual testimony from the clerk of the court so I can read every word of the trial...eventually when I'm ready. God bless you!! Please be gentle with yourself.
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Post by mattsma on Jul 19, 2006 8:21:44 GMT -5
Hugs to you crybaby, Everything you are feeling is"normal"...........we all have been there. Believe it or not, you will get through this.
I did get all the court transcripts..........it has been 10 years, and I still have not read all the pages............i think it is somewhere around 800. Maybe someday.
take care & b-safe deb
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Post by taterfay on Jul 19, 2006 12:59:28 GMT -5
Dear Crybaby:
It is only natural that the trial is going to be like reliving the whole nightmare all over again and you are NOT crazy for being fearful. Do what you need to do to get through the trial. Deep breathing will help you to relax a little...even a prescription for a very small amount of a sedative might help. Sometimes anticipation anxiety is worse than the actual event. I wish you tons of luck and please continue to come back to this board and post about WHATEVER you are feeling. All of it is "normal" and most of us have felt the same feelings that you have, though the circumstances of the murder might be different. Lastly, I'd like to say how SORRY I am that you lost your mother. Please take care of yourself and let others help to take care of you as well! You don't have to be strong 24-7!! Big Hugs!
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Post by crybaby on Jul 21, 2006 13:48:49 GMT -5
Thank you all for your words. I do relize that nothing is going to change what happened. I am a witness for my mothers trial and the D.A. says I can not be in the court room until they call me. That was a blow to the head because as much as I dont want to be there I need to know why. I guess its better this way so I dont hear the things that would make me go nuts. I will be going crazy out side but its better than the jury seeing me flip out. Although I dont know how I will handle the stand if I will be able to maintain myself. I hope that they just ask the easy questions. Even though there are no easy questions. It might be easier to here your mother was a great person than Do you know what happened to your mother. I dont know but thank you all again I hope that everything will get easier with time.
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Post by meme on Jul 21, 2006 22:13:08 GMT -5
Hi Crybaby, The things that got me through (just finished sentencing today) was my beief in the afterlife--- and ironically, my anger at the murderer. Your courage will come when a deadline needs to b met I believe. You are now the victim's voice. Bless you.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jul 24, 2006 14:39:29 GMT -5
Dear Crybaby, I'm very sorry about your Mom. All that you're feeling is normal. The things that worked for me were/are: counseling; going to Parents of Murdered Children meetings; writing; talking to understanding friends and family; getting counseling at church; going to a spiritual support group; prayer and coming on this board. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find comfort here. Do you have Victims Assistance office where you live? They would be able to help you with court, also Parents of Murdered Children. There's a link to them on this site. Please let us know how the trial goes and take care.
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