maggieg
Regular
Lenny 06-18-61 to 06-29-06
Posts: 341
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Post by maggieg on Jul 24, 2006 10:17:40 GMT -5
My sister Lenore was murdered June 29th. I miss her terribly. I feel odd about her death because I cannot seem to cry to much but I can get angry at the jerk who did it. That consumes my mind and that's sad. I wish I was able to consume my mind with her memories.
All I can think of now is trying my hardest to get him what he deserves when his time comes. He took my sisters life so brutaly and she was so little, 5'1" 100lbs. He is huge I have been told. How can one man even do such a thing? It's beyond me that there are people out there that you cannot trust.
My sister was a beautiful woman. You would have loved her, goofed off with her, had fun. Now some jerk takes that away from me and my family. I grieve for her because she suffered. It was not an easy way out for her at all.
How do most of you cope? Why do you think I cannot seem to cry, just be angry? Any input appreciated.
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Post by myamber20 on Jul 24, 2006 10:28:09 GMT -5
Hi maggie.
I am sorry about your sister.
I could not do the poll because it is everything and more you have to do to cope.
I wish there was an easy way to cope. It is so fresh with you. But then it has only been 10 months since my beloved daughter was murdered.
I do not understand how anyone could murder anyone it is unimanageable to me. we are all here for the same reason we are mvs. i am sorry that you have become one of us.
For ME this board has helped there are good people here. but to me the only one that can help me is me. You have to take it day by day and sometimes minute by minute.
Some days I feel like I will be ok and then the next hour I feel like the whole world fell down on me.
I feel that you have to go with your feelings and do what your feelings tell you to do.
If you need to scream, scream!!!! if you need to cry, cry!!!
punch a hole in your wall if you need to!!!
i hope i have helped you in any way!
carolyn
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maggieg
Regular
Lenny 06-18-61 to 06-29-06
Posts: 341
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Post by maggieg on Jul 24, 2006 10:56:02 GMT -5
Thank you Carolyn. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. Life can be so unfair. I agree that you have to cope day to day. I just wish I could consume my mind with thoughts other than her murderer. He is in jail and has 1st degree murder with pre meditation. So it should be pretty cut and dry but I cannot cry... It's so hard. Anyways. here is her link. lenny.virtual-memorials.com
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Post by mattsma on Jul 24, 2006 10:59:29 GMT -5
hi maggie & welcome to the board, I am very sorry that you lost your sister. Like carolyn mentioned, coping will not be easy. You as still in the very early stages of your healing & grieving. Most days you will feel like a yo-yo, and the best thing you can do is just get through one emotion at a time. Find something that makes you smile, and go there when you fell overwhelmed. Do whatever works for you...........the tears will come. The anger will fade, but never go away. take care & b-safe deb
I just went to the link...........lenny is beautiful.
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maggieg
Regular
Lenny 06-18-61 to 06-29-06
Posts: 341
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Post by maggieg on Jul 24, 2006 11:08:56 GMT -5
Ladies. THANK YOU. I have been unable to cry in so long and reading your replies has made me able to do so. I really appreciate that!!!! I FINALLY CAN CRY!!!!!!
I work in Emergency Medicine and I fear the day I get a call like this and have the same outcome for another family. Life is so hard.
People always tell me "Call whenever you need to" No ojne is around when I am home 8-noon. They all work. I cannot call them at work and bother them with my sadness.
Please view her website and click on photo albums and look at the pics and listen to the beautiful song.
You may all leave messages even though you do not know her.
I don't know you all but I can tell you all that I already feel so welcome here. I miss her so much. I am so sorry any of you have to go through the same thing.
It's so unfair.
Did the jerk realize what he did? He took a loved one, put their families in deep grief. Caused many people financial hardships and now we get to pay for him to sit in a cell. Eat 3 meals per day. What a hipocrite!
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maggieg
Regular
Lenny 06-18-61 to 06-29-06
Posts: 341
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Post by maggieg on Jul 24, 2006 11:14:50 GMT -5
I did not realize till now that this forum was for people who had a family member murdered by another family member. The man who killed my sister is not a family member and I will never care for him like he was one. My apologies for posting this on this forum but so you all know. I love her so much.
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Post by meme on Jul 24, 2006 11:37:28 GMT -5
So sorry Maggie for your loss. I coped by being furious after crying a flood. Anger will give you strength, and it is completely normal. The murder victims do not have a voice, so now it is up to her loved ones to be HER VOICE. No one who has not been through this can understand, but we MVS understand and we are here for you.
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maggieg
Regular
Lenny 06-18-61 to 06-29-06
Posts: 341
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Post by maggieg on Jul 24, 2006 11:51:12 GMT -5
Thank you meme. All I can do is be mad.... I wrote a blog a while ago and I hope you all don't mind it. It is harsh. I use a lot of cuss words but I did it when I was angry.
here it is.
I just want to scream. I hate this *deleted*ing life God has granted upon my family. Here I am supposed to be cheery and god loving and I just want to curse at him.
I want to kill the mother *deleted*er who stole my family away from me and tore it to pieces. I want him to rot in prison for the rest of his life and I want this to end now. I was told today to not expect a jury trial to begin until Summer of 2007... a *deleted*ing year?
I was asked by the DA office today what I think we want for his sentence. You all know my thoughts. Let him stay there for life. Let Bubba get the ass end and beat the living *deleted* out of him like he did my sister.
My mom, she's not forgiving him but she says (trying to quote correctly) "I can't wish a life sentence on him because I will then be hurting his family and taking away their son, I know what it's like to lose your child and they have now lost theirs" I agree yet I want him to pay.
I am so angry at him. I can't wait to see his face. I really hope the mother *deleted*er locks eyes with me because I would give him the look from hell.
He's a *deleted*ing hypocrite and he has no understanding of what he has done. He's a *deleted*ing *female dog* beater. A *deleted*ing loser and in my eyes a *deleted*ing waste of my tax paying money. Why should I pay for his crime? I am paying for it in many ways. The guy ruined a lot of lives.
He got what he wanted I suppose, now I hope I get what I want.
I would love for him to suffocate, I would love for him to look up at me, tears slowly pouring down his eyes, trying to breathe yet, he can't.Pain.. I want him to feel the same pain. I would love for him to have a taste of his own medicine.
Anyhow.... My venting is over.
I feel better and don't feel like screaming anymore.... right now.
Be careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved.
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Post by taterfay on Jul 24, 2006 14:13:02 GMT -5
maggie: I went to Lenny's site. She was so cute and I am SO sorry about what she went through and about what you and her other loved ones have to go through. This is a long, hard road, with not a lot of help along the way, but I can say that this site has been a god send for me! Keep coming here! Write whatever you want. We don't judge (or we TRY not to anyway)..I like your blog. It is SO healing to get it all out, by crying, by being angry, by writing, by breaking bottles, punching pillows, leaning on friends, by talking about it over and over again to make it seem more real. Have you tried asking your sister for help? I know that sounds kind of strange but I just KNOW she is always with you. Ask her (and God or whatever higher power you believe in) to give you strength to get through this the best you can. You'll never "get over it" but many people will want you to. Don't pay attention to them. Your friends and family may seem like they are too busy to be bothered to be a support. If you can, reach out to them anyway and let them know you need them. It is great to be "strong" during this traumatic period but it's even greater to not feel like you have to be strong. Breakdown, scream, lose it, write it out...Do whatever it takes. I found for me that my grief hit me in "waves" (and still does)..One minute I'll feel "almost normal" and then I suddenly feel as if I've been punched in the stomach and sob and feel like I'm going to die from the horror and sadness of it. Then it passes. I cried every day for the first several months (and had many days where I felt SO angry but didn't know how to release it...wanted to scream so much)...I feel for ME like I'm healing a little now and I'm able to deal with it better, this doesn't mean that it will EVER go away. Feel free to vent as much as you want on here! We want you to know that we are here to help and listen. My sister was brutally beaten while 7 months pregnant by her boyfriend and I KNOW she suffered that day (and was abused in their relationship) and I too sometimes just cannot stop thinking about how much she suffered on the fateful day (and before that, too)..it hurts so much. I'm glad she is not suffering at his hands anymore..that gives me a little hope, as does the fact that her BABY SURVIVED the trauma and he is a MIRACLE and a wonder to behold. Sister's have a special bond, that's for sure! God, talk about venting...I Just want you to feel a little better. Take Care and I'll be thinking of you. I think I can donate money to help you keep the memorial site up. You can send me a private message on here and we can talk about that. Huge Hugs, Stacey
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jul 24, 2006 14:45:14 GMT -5
Dear Maggieg, I'm very sorry about your sister. I'm glad you found this board. The things that helped me were/are: counseling; going to Parents of Murdered Children meetings; writing; prayer; getting counseling at church; talking to understand friends and family; coming on this board and going to a spiritual support group. All that you're feeling is normal. This is a wonderful place to vent. All of us on here know how it is. I couldn't cry much either in the beginning. It took a while for that. I just felt like screaming 24 hours to be honest and that everything had been turned upside down. So many emotions at once. Don't be hard on yourself as far as how much you're crying. All of us have different backgrounds and all and everyone recovers in different ways and at different times. But, we do have many feelings in common and have been through similar things also. I can understand the anger. I'm still working on my anger over it all. I had 2 family members killed by another family member in 1990. The work to recover takes time, and don't rush yourself or let others tell you how "fast" you should be going, recovering, etc. There's differences for each person. Please keep us updated and take care.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 24, 2006 17:38:56 GMT -5
maggieg:
I'm so sorry about your sister. It's very normal to feel the way you are feeling. You are still in shock, to be honest, so the tears often will be kept at bay. That is a natural response to such a tremendous loss. The tears will come later...when you're ready. It's also normal to feel a confusing tide of emotions all at the same time....sadness, anger, fear, denial.
For me, I had to make a conscious choice to go on living, and not let this ruin my life. There's an incredible strength that you discover when you've reached rock bottom and have nowhere to go. But I needed to lean on a lot of people, go to grief counseling and support groups, and do a lot of reading about surviving traumatic loss and spirituality in order to do so. Every day I still have to make a conscious choice to continue to live my life as my Dad (who was murdered by my brother) would want me to live it. Some days I'm more successful at it than others. That's also normal too, I believe.
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maggieg
Regular
Lenny 06-18-61 to 06-29-06
Posts: 341
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Post by maggieg on Jul 25, 2006 9:40:44 GMT -5
I cannot express to you how amazing you all are. You have been the strength for me. I have been unable to figure things out and your hardships are helping me. I am so sorry that all of us are here. I think it is awful that we have to come here but amazing that we are here and we all can understand what it's like. I can't talk to my friends because they do not understand, none have been here in this situation.
You now are my replacement friends for when I need to vent. Feel free to vent on me. I will listen, I will care ad I will remember what you have said to me forever. You have filled a spot in my heart that the accuser took from me. I feel like maybe you are all descendent's from God and you are helping his people (my sister) express to me how much you care.
Tamecasmom, What a wonderful anonymous person. I don't know who you are but you sponsored her page for me and I really really cannot find the words to thank you enough for this.
I will of course keep you all updated as court moves on. It's gonna be a long road and you are all going to be stuck with me till trial and beyond. I feel your friendships will be here forever.
Our first preliminary hearing is Aug 8th. I guess this is when they post all the evidence and decide what to keep and what not to keep. Keep it all I say. If my sister had problems it doesn't matter. What matters is the man took her life and there can be no reasoning for that whatsoever.
This man will pay for his crime.
I was told not to expect a jury trial until Summer of 2007. That seems like forever but I guess if he has court often before the actual trial It may go by fast.
I received a box of my sisters stuff the other day. Some clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc. I wear one of her necklaces religiously. It is a constant reminder of her every time I see it, feel it, etc. I smell her on the clothes and cannot wash them. They are already clean but I cannot wear them because I don't want to wash away her scent.
Let me give you a little briefing on the person she was.
She was 45, I am 28. We were sisters. She was a half sister though, same mom but children through 2 different marriages.
She grew up a stunning lady. She was always into pastel colors, always there for a hug.
She had 5 children. They range in age from 22 to 6. Have you ever seen a six year old view her mother's body in a casket? THAT SUCKS. The cry from my nieces mouth was a cry of pain but not the original pain, the pain from her heart.
This poor girl has no idea her mom was murdered. She thinks mom was sick and went to the hospital.
The other 4 children I talk with here and there. They range in their emotions as do I. One day we can laugh, others we can cry.
Lenny was a fantastic person. I loved her when she was alive and love her more now.
I have no regrets though with my last conversation on the phone with her. I always told her I loved her so I know my last words to her were I love you!!!! No regrets on that end.
I wish I could have stolen her away from the man (her new boyfriend) who murdered her. I wish I could have helped. Oh and amongst her items, the hardest one to find was a little piece of blue pot it note with the number for project safe on it. If only she would have called.
My mom saw me in uniform (I work for an ambulance service). She broke down in tears and said "I bet you could have saved her" I told her I did not think anyone would have been able to.
He killed her by strangling her. He also stabbed her, punched her, kicked her and god only knows what else. I will find it all out in court.
The man called 911 before he killed her. The detective has warned me the tapes will be hard to hear. Though I need to hear them. I don't want to hear her voice on there though because I am afraid to hear terror. I am afraid of the unknown.
I will be at all court dates allowable. I don't think I will be considered an "endorsed witness" because I really can't help either ends. As long as I stay a sister and not a witness I can attend every court date. I am looking forward to meeting this man face to face and locking eyes.
Anyhow. You all are wonderful. Thank you for allowing me to be here and thank you for reading my story and be a part of your lives. You are all very special to me and I am saddened we all have to meet in a place like this.
Thank you. Maggie
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Post by taterfay on Jul 25, 2006 17:18:29 GMT -5
Maggie: I wear some of my sister's clothing and jewelry, too. I just love being able to do that!!
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Post by mattsma on Jul 25, 2006 18:40:22 GMT -5
:-*I wore matts karate shoes until they fell apart..........they were sooooo comfortable...................he was 10 when he wore them, and they fit me perfectly. I still have some of his T's, but his friends cleaned out his room & took most of his clothing. I have his nose ring, but since I have no body piercings, that will stay packed with his last pack of cigarettes & the $5.71 he had in his pocket. His one sis has his ring, and the other has his watch. Other that that all we have are memories. (((hugs))) to all. take care & b-safe deb
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Post by acavana on Jul 25, 2006 20:35:02 GMT -5
It's funny how a post like this helps us as much as it helps you. I thrive for hearing how "normal" my feelings have been, and hearing you confirms it, its amazing. This board has been my saving grace in the loss of my best friend by her husband. I have had VERY angry nights, and days. I will say that when the murder first happened, I was the really SAD one. Now, I have the anger. It will all come around, and it will take time. My friend was killed the first week of March, so I only have a few months on you. (She was a lifelong friend, and very much "family" to me and my kids). No time will make it "better" I feel like you already know that. I have all of Michelles stuff, from house decoations, to clothes, to kids... lol. It is normal to surround yourself with them. Another suggestion. Write. Write right now. Both memories, and feelings, maybe in two different journals. My obsession was not forgetting things, and I found that part of Michelle's childrens obsession was not forgetting. Whenever her seven year old tells me a story, I type it and put it into a scrap book for her. Now that we have started that she seems to relax, and not feel that she has to remember everything over and over... Does that make sense? Here I go... on and on! My heart goes out to you... Michelle's sister is my best friend, her brother was my first boyfriend, and she was my heart. I know that you are hurting. Just hang in there, and you have found a wonderful place in this site. Everyone has gotten me through many a nite!!!
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maggieg
Regular
Lenny 06-18-61 to 06-29-06
Posts: 341
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Post by maggieg on Jul 25, 2006 23:17:08 GMT -5
I agree it is odd how hearing other peoples heart breaking stories help you cope. It's not because we want to hear other horrific things but we want to hear we are not alone. Thank God for you all.
I wear my sisters stuff too. i wore her shirt, necklace and jeans today. It was nice. I miss her so much.
Did I tell you all how wonderful you are?
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Post by angelbaby on Oct 28, 2006 1:49:18 GMT -5
maggie,i am so sorry that you lost your sister.i know how hard it is to believe someone can do this.my sister was murdered by her husband,though he swears she left with another man,leaving her children.he had abused her for about 3 years before she disappeared.i have went through the stage of angry,mad,crying,screaming,writing and anything else i can think of.you have to remember the good things or it will drive you mad.i cry everyday for my sister.she had always been there for me to talk to,goof off with,to cofide in,and in the 4 1/2 years she has been missing i feel a part of me is missing.we just have to remember the pos that took our loved ones will eventually have to pay for what they did....god bless you....
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Post by sistersareforever on May 15, 2007 21:04:12 GMT -5
My name is Norma, and my beautiful sister Sonia was murdered on August 9th 2007. I can't believe so much time has gone by. She was only 29 years old. She was the youngest of four girls. I have not dealt with it so good. I feel like I'm going to explode any day. Have not wanted to talk to anyone about it. How would they know how it feels, if they have not lost a sister like I have. I saw your user name and that's what caught my attention. You have lost a sister, you know what it feels like. My little sister and I were very very close. She was a very big part of my life. She had family that loved her so much. One night she was here at my house and at 2:00 am the next day we got the call. The call that would break me. I am devastated. I have crying spells. I miss her so much I can't explain. I would walk to the end of the earth to bring her back. I would have given my life for hers. I am 41 years old I had lived a longer life. Why not me? I ask that all the time. I'm sorry I'm going on and on but I feel like I can type forever about her. She was shot in the head in her sleep. Killed instantly. I went to the house where it happened and find myself there in my mind all the time. Trying to figure things out. I have not been able to. If you can, please write back.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on May 17, 2007 5:25:21 GMT -5
Dear sistersareforever, I'm very sorry about your Sister. Please know that most of us here have lost a loved 1 and/or friend to murder so we know what you're going through in many ways. Not all of us have lost sisters so we don't know 100% what you're going through, but we do in most ways because this same trauma has happened to us, just with different family and/or friends. As for alcohol, I can tell you it's a lie. Once you sober up, your problems will still be there. It's a distraction. I was already an alcoholic when the murders happened in my family and after that I really started it. It got me NOWHERE. It also affected my physical health with problems I still have. Please get help. Alcoholics Anonymous is a wonderful group that truly helps. The people I met there are wonderful and care, like on this board. I may be hard on you here, but I'm saying it because I know 1st hand the alcohol is a destroyer of body and mind. Please keep us updated on how you're doing. Take care.
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Post by sistersareforever on May 19, 2007 20:46:08 GMT -5
As time goes by it does not get any easier like people say it does. I see and hear my parents and it hurts so bad. They have lost their youngest daughter. They are not the same anymore. I am a mother of two so I feel that I would rather throw myself in a fire pit than lose one of them. I miss my sister so bad I can scream forever. I want her back!!!!!!! I want to know why why why! I feel like I'm lost. It's so hard to focus on anything. Yes, I have turned to alcohol to numb my feelings. I know it's a problem. I am thinking of taking your advise and seek help. I don't want to throw my life away. It's just so much easier to give up though. I am not going to. I will get better, I know it. I have to for my family, because they could not stand going through another tragedy. I know deep down that I have to do it for myself. Most importantly, my sister that was killed did not like my drinking. She would always tell me to slow down. She worried about me. I feel she can see me now and would be very upset. Thank you for responding to me. I appreciate it. I know you are a very busy person, yet you took the time to write back. Thank for that. God Bless Your Heart! Norma
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Post by pumpkin12903 on May 23, 2007 9:56:26 GMT -5
Dear Norma, you're welcome! All of us MVS struggle with the "why". I gave it up to God a few years ago for my own sanity! I prayed God if I don't find out in THIS life the ultimate WHY about the murders, then please give me peace about it until the next life. I'm so proud that you're considering getting help on the drinking! YOU CAN DO IT! I was so scared when I 1st quit. I wondered will I make it? Yes, it's hard, but over time you see life fully and deal with it fully. You will also feel better physically. And your Sister would NOT want to see you hurting yourself with alcohol. YOU CAN MAKE IT! Know that there's always other MVS here that are ready to listen and give advice if needed. Take care.
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Post by wordup on May 23, 2007 14:28:00 GMT -5
Hello Norma: I am so sorry to hear about your sister, that was awful, Just wanted to let you know that what Laura said to you, carries a lot of weigh, it is not easy getting through the days but that is what we have to do, take them one by one, some days or harder than others, We know what you are going through, and we are here to help in anyway that we can, Hang in there, take care.
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