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Post by drewsmom595 on May 19, 2007 17:47:02 GMT -5
I just got back from driving my Mom four hours to go see my brother in prison (he is mentally ill and murdered my Dad). As I was driving back, I was wondering if there's anyone else on this board who has had a family member kill another family member, and who still has some form of contact with the murderer...whether through phone calls, letters or visits?
For me, it is such a struggle to have to do this. I have such mixed emotions about driving my Mom down there to see him. She's too old to drive herself, and she's too embarrassed to have one of her friends do it. And she really can't afford the plane ticket to do it herself. She still loves my brother, despite what he did. And in some small way, so do I...even though I hate him at the same time. So, I end up dreading the visit for weeks, and I usually snap at her several times during the trip. I usually well up in tears several times during the whole ordeal. I feel so alone sometimes. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on May 22, 2007 9:55:18 GMT -5
Dear Drewsmom, I know about the conflicting feelings. I think we'll have them the rest of our lives. To answer your question, I sent Mom a few cards and called a few times. She never answered the cards and hung up on me when I called. I saw her once in person and that was enough for me. I was terrified of her to be honest. My brother who was her guardian saw her at least every several weeks. It was a problem between him and I that I didn't go but that 1 time. But the fact is I wasn't ready to see her. I wasn't well enough myself yet. Plus I didn't want an in person relationship with her again. Have you talked about this with a counselor? That may help to sort out your feelings and all. I know how hard this can be. Because you love your brother but you hate what he did and hate him at times. I felt the same about Mom, and still do. I love her but will hate what she did forever. I hope others answer on this topic because it's 1 that's very important. Whatever your choice I wish you the best. Take care.
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Post by angelbaby on May 25, 2007 8:17:36 GMT -5
Actuall,I have to have some sort of contact with my sisters husband,otherwise I will not see or talk with the children since he still has them.The court granted him custody though the court knows he is the prime suspect in her disappearance.Its like when I have to talk with him on the phone,I bite my tongue,then when I hang up,i srem like crazy.
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Post by mary on May 25, 2007 9:45:23 GMT -5
angel, its has to be so hard all the time wondering where your sister is, my prayers go out to you and yours, I know who killed my son and they are lock-up , and I hope they die in prison ,they can go up for parole in 2035 but they won't get it every year I call just to make sure ,, and each time one or the other of them are in the SHU sometimes both, so they are still up to all their bad habbits in prison.It would be so hard not knowing, as it is hard for my even knowing
Mary mother of Devid 8-22-72 8-10-98
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Post by wordup on May 28, 2007 4:42:48 GMT -5
I've never tried to hide my feeling about anything on this board, sometime I would reply to a post and sometime I won't I think it is because I'm not really sure how to reply to it, but I thought I would reply to this one
Angel, I can only imagine how you are feeling, which is the reason why in the beganning of coming to this board I kept up with Laura's post, it was through her that I tried to understand what a family felt who lost a love one at the hands of another. and to be mentally ill. it is almost as if you have to come to a conclusion as to weather or not it made a difference. The guys who murdered my grandson was/is mentally ill. this is what I learned but I could not understand none of what had happen, because I've never been around anyone with the illness to know if they were capable of committing such a act as this one did to us,
At the same time I'm not a heartless evil person that I can't understand . I understand what you are saying, both men are apart of you, and there has to be mixed feelings, as you have said you love him even now,maybe one day you will be able to sort it all out, But I do commend you for thinking about your mom, you could have easily said no I will not take you ect... but that is what love does. I do hope things work out for you as you continue on this journey, and if you feel you need outside help, go for it, but just know we are here for you.
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Post by drewsmom595 on May 31, 2007 5:32:27 GMT -5
I really appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions. Hopefully, others who struggle with the same thing will weigh in when they're ready.
I know how hard it must be for others on this board to put themselves in my shoes. It's a special kind of "hell" to have a family member kill another family member. When you loved both the victim and the murderer.
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