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Post by friends4ever on Sept 15, 2007 4:29:28 GMT -5
Hello Everyone,
I'm new to this forum but not to the pain. Becky and I had been best friends for 11 years and she had been with my brother Steve for 9 of those years, they had 2 beautiful girls and 2 months prior to her death I helped her come to the decision to leave him after discussing how he treated and controlled her.
On December 28th it will be 12 years ago that I found her body, she had been beat in the head with 2 separate weapons and was left for dead, the coroner could not determine if she bled or froze to death first.
Steve had called me 8 hours before to go check on her at her new apartment and from the minute he requested this I knew in my heart what had happened, it just took a long heart wrenching process before I found her.
Steve never would have been convicted for her murder if my husband and I had not seen him leaving the crime scene 5 hours before I found her, all the evidence was very circumstantial.
In the end he received a sentence of 5 years to life and the first parole hearing is set for 2016... 20 years after his conviction.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Sept 15, 2007 6:32:26 GMT -5
Hi friends4ever:
Welcome to the board! I'm glad that you found this special subsection of the board -- Murder in the Family -- because we truly understand what it's like to have loved both the murderer and the victim.
For me, I still feel like I'm living in the twilight zone a bit. It's certainly not as surreal as when my brother murdered my Dad, but it's still there.
Do you ever feel that way?
Right after the murder happened, I had so many conflicting feelings -- anger, sadness, shock, horror, compassion (because my brother was mentally ill) betrayal, guilt -- that I felt all jumbled up in side. It was like all these competing emotions cancelled each other out and I didn't know how to feel or what to think.
Do you have any contact with your brother?
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Sept 16, 2007 8:55:56 GMT -5
Dear friends4ever, I'm very sorry about your Friend. As Drewsmom said, this board is a wonderful place for us. It's the 1st place I "met" other inter-family MVS and I'm VERY thankful. 22% of murders are inter-family, which is a high number. And we need specific support as we have some issues to deal with that others don't have. This isn't to say we don't have at least a few things in common. All MVS do. But we have some such as do we break off contact with the perpetrator? Do we still love him/her? What will we do if he/she is released from prison? I'm also curious if you have contact with your Brother. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. Take care.
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Post by Charlene on Sept 16, 2007 10:08:14 GMT -5
Hi friends - I'm so sorry about your loss. It's a horrible position to be in. It's surprising that his first parole hearing is after 20 years served since the he received an indeterminate sentence with such a low minimum.
Your post left me wondering what has become of their children - who is raising the beautiful girls?
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Post by taterfay on Sept 17, 2007 22:08:39 GMT -5
Hi:
I am so sorry about Becky. The fact that you found her body makes this story even more heartbreaking for me. My sister was beaten to brain death by her abusive boyfriend. Domestic Violence is OUT OF CONTROL. It makes me sad. I am so glad you found this board and urge you to vent freely here.
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Post by friends4ever on Sept 19, 2007 1:44:57 GMT -5
Hello again everyone and thank you for your responses. I too am very glad to find these forums as for almost 12 years I have only talked to close friends and most can only feel sorry but not relate any more than that.
Drewsmom, there are still times that I feel like I'm in the twilight zone as well. I also went through those same feeligs, I dont think that feeling will ever completely leave us as each year has a different effect. Some years I'm okay and others the pain is just as strong as if it had just happened. I don't think we ever get over the grief, we just learn to deal with it.
If not grief I would use the term of PTSD, you just learn to lice with it or get meds to cope. I know I have been diagnosed 4 times since then with PTSD but I deal with thaat pretty well. It took me longer to get through the feel as if the rest of my family had abandned me, I'm glad that is over now.
I would love to have contact with my brother, he doesn't want it though. I think the main reason is because he knows what he did to me and my family. Their daughter's were raised by our sister. As hard as this is to believe, her family did not want the girls they have seen them a handful of times since Becky's death. The girls are now 19 and 17 and they have grown up remarkable well, they have issues they have to deal with and the youngest I don't think will ever forgive him....she is planning to move with me and my family when she turns 18, my contact with them was cut off as soon as this happened.
I think for me the hardest part is feeling like her mother ever cared, she couldn't wait to get rid of her when we were younger, never had time for her when she was an adult and a year after she died she told me that she was dead and to forget about her. I do keep in touch with hewr younger sister and indeed their mother has "forgotten" Becky. I still don't understand how her mother could "forget" their child.
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