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Post by gladriel on Feb 26, 2009 11:29:20 GMT -5
Hello to all.....again.... First I'd like to apologize for not being here since last yr...tried something new....like trying to forget....doesn't work! Lord, why can't I get that image of my dad in his last horrible moment out of my head? To stand there and stare at him it was like my feet were glued to the floor, and it felt like I was watching from the ceiling I know it sounds whacky but thats what it was like watching my dads murder. There he sat at the table, with a gunshot wound to his head and everything all over, my eyes saw what happened but my mind couldn't comprehend it all. Except to be a coward and run as his common law wife was loading up the rifle again, run I thought run where? What about him do I try to take him with me what if she shoots him again? Anyways........the same questions with the same answers when will the right answers come its been 26 yrs I can't believe it..26 yrs and still no answers and I still feel like that 17 yr old girl standing there...just standing there.....Lorraine
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Post by drewsmom595 on Feb 28, 2009 6:33:15 GMT -5
Hey gladriel:
What a horrible trauma you witnessed when you were 17! I'm not sure you can ever truly get that image out of your head...but I hope that some day you'll be able to remember the good things about your dad without that horrible image overtaking them.
That is also something that I wish for myself. My Dad was shot in the head by a relative, too. Five years ago. Although I didn't witness it, my Mom did. I was with her as she told the police what happened, and although I wasn't there, hearing her describe it in minute detail to the police made me feel like I was. And it made me sick to my stomach...literally.
Running away is not truly an answer, though I do understand the impulse. I fantasize about running away from this area, and from my life, all the time. But I know that I won't really be running away from the trauma...because it's still inside of me.
Forgetting? I can't forget about it either. I wish it were possible, but it's not.
Somehow, we have to learn how to live with this immense pain and trauma. What helps me sometimes when I feel that I can't is the simple fact that I know my Dad wouldn't want me to live like this. I'm sure your Dad wouldn't either.
I'm sorry I don't have a magic solution for you...I really don't even have one for myself. Just know that you're not alone.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Mar 1, 2009 2:14:08 GMT -5
Hello to all.....again.... First I'd like to apologize for not being here since last yr...tried something new....like trying to forget....doesn't work! Lord, why can't I get that image of my dad in his last horrible moment out of my head? To stand there and stare at him it was like my feet were glued to the floor, and it felt like I was watching from the ceiling I know it sounds whacky but thats what it was like watching my dads murder. There he sat at the table, with a gunshot wound to his head and everything all over, my eyes saw what happened but my mind couldn't comprehend it all. Except to be a coward and run as his common law wife was loading up the rifle again, run I thought run where? What about him do I try to take him with me what if she shoots him again? Anyways........the same questions with the same answers when will the right answers come its been 26 yrs I can't believe it..26 yrs and still no answers and I still feel like that 17 yr old girl standing there...just standing there.....Lorraine Dear gladriel, when it comes down to it, we can't forget our tragedies and we shouldn't. Please don't repress what happened to you like I did! In the long run me drinking to repress it DIDN'T WORK. Once I got sober, the whole thing still needed to be faced and worked on. If we hide from life, our quality of life will never be the best it can be. Please don't think you were a coward! You ran to save your life and no one should ever be against that! There's nothing wrong with saving your own life. I thank God every day that I had a temporary job at the time of the murders in my family. That job saved my life. If I'd still been job hunting, I'd have come home a few hours after the murders and don't know if the perpetrator would have come after me also. I'm very thankful that the possibility of this was gone because I was working. You may never get the full answers to your tragedy. My family has most of the answers, but a few we don't, including what I call the "ultimate why" (ie., why did God allow the murders to happen?). I had to give this up to God for my own sanity and hold out hope I'll get all the answers on it in the afterlife. Know that we're here for you and I'm sorry about how you've been feeling with this. Take care.
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