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Post by debbiessister on Apr 23, 2010 14:59:20 GMT -5
I can't stand the pain. It happened on 4/11 and every day is different. I can't stand to hear about the husband but of course that is all people want to talk about. I could care less if he lives, dies, goes to jail (he is in jail right now). I just want to pretend he is dead. It is not going to bring my sister back.
How do I deal with my sister's two sons having sympathey for their father. I understand it but I am having a hard time accepting it. I want them to hate him!!!
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Post by tamècasmom on Apr 23, 2010 19:46:36 GMT -5
Debbiessister,
My heart goes out to you. With sadness in my heart I welcome you to this unfortunately needed site.
Debbiessister your pain is so raw right now try not to worry about the not so good thoughts you are having. Whatever your thoughts are they are normal and acceptable behavior! YOU have loss your beloved sister because of ugly person's murderous hands. Do not expect anything of yourself.
The most important thing you can do for YOU is drink water whenever you think about it and eat whenever you can, no matter how small the amount.
I have added you to my prayer list.
Last advice for now: Use this site whenever you need to it is here for you 24/7/365.
Tameca's mother
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Post by debbiessister on Apr 24, 2010 6:07:04 GMT -5
I am just so angry. How can people sit in a court room and support a Killer!!! It is so painful!! They are heartless. I can't stand the pain when I think about those people and the killer. He is disguisting.
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Post by Charlene on Apr 24, 2010 8:35:08 GMT -5
It is really frustrating when you realize that people still love and support the murderer, especially in an inter-family murder where those same people had also loved the victim. I do not understand it from many perspectives, except perhaps the parents.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Apr 24, 2010 21:44:19 GMT -5
Dear Debbiessister, I don't even have the words to describe how very sorry I am that your sister was taken from you. I am sorry you have this reason to be here, but welcome to the board. I hope you can find some ideas that help you in some way here, or some moments of comfort at least. In the first weeks/months after my daughter's murder, I was often in what I called my "fog". Kind of numb and unbelieving, the world was blurred, it was not right anymore. When I would come out of it a bit the anger and rage was frightening to me. It was so huge. I did not know I could feel like that before she was murdered. Maybe people sometimes don't even know how to respond, how to feel, at first? Nothing could have ever prepared us for this. Please remember to take care of you. Remember to eat and drink and try to keep your strength, as Tamecasmom said. If someone offers to help, let them. Be gentle with yourself, you have been through a horror of a shock that no one should ever have to go through. If you need to vent your anger, we are here. I know I have many times. And we can listen; most of us have been there ourselves, and perhaps still are sometimes. I wish I could hold your hand and give you a hug. My heart goes out to you so very much Janet
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Post by nanaof4 on May 5, 2010 0:47:14 GMT -5
Debbiessister, I know how raw the pain is right now and believe me it never goes away.But I think the reason the children support their father is because they don't have their momma and they wanna hold on to one of their parents,even though he is the idiot (nice name) that took your sister,their mother away from all of you. I have hated my sisters husband since 2002 when my sister disappeared and is presumed to be murdered by her husband.But I have started just recently to let go of so much of the hate,though I still can not stand him and pray he never hurts another person.But since becoming active in the church again and getting my faith very strong,I am trying to let go of the hate,bot for him,but for myself.I want to be with my children that passed away and my sister in heaven when I pass.If I keep the hate that won't happen. Just take one day at a time and know you are trying to defend your sisters name and memory
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Post by friends4ever on May 29, 2010 2:01:20 GMT -5
I am just so angry. How can people sit in a court room and support a Killer!!! It is so painful!! They are heartless. I can't stand the pain when I think about those people and the killer. He is disguisting. Hello Debbiessister, I am so sorry for your loss, I know there is nothing anyone can say that will help right now but I hope that I may help you to understand another perspective. My brother was married to and murdered my best friend almost 15 years ago, I was asked to check on her so I found her. I was numb for so long and at first did not want to believe that it was he who killed her. I dedicated myself to bring her killer to justice no matter who it was and I testified against my brother as I could place him at the crime scene 6 hours before I found her, each time I went into the court room and looked at my brother I did not know whether to love him or hate him, in the end I did neither. I watched day after day and year after year as my family supported my brother and did not want to believe that he could have done this, they said he loved her too much to hurt her and that I was a liar. He was able to convince them that it was not him so they stood by him. In fact, when the guilty verdict was read I was sitting behind our mother in support of my brother, I did not want to believe what deep down I knew to be true... My brother was a murderer! Sometimes the reason you support him is just that you do not WANT to believe that this could be true. It took 12 years of my brother sitting in prison for him to admit to my Mom that he truely did murder my best friend, it was 12 years before my Mom believed that what I said was true. She hates what he did but continues to love her only son. Sometimes the support is there because they don't want to believe it is possible for their loved one to have murdered someone, but because they want to believe that they didn't.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Aug 21, 2010 17:09:57 GMT -5
It is really frustrating when you realize that people still love and support the murderer, especially in an inter-family murder where those same people had also loved the victim. I do not understand it from many perspectives, except perhaps the parents. Please realize you can love WITHOUT supporting. I did this in my familys' case. You CAN love from a distance and NOT be in contact with your loved 1 who murdered, etc. I DO have a HUGE problem with the family members who are in EVIL DENIAL and literally support their murdering family member in their lies, etc., if the person is trying to get out of what they did, etc. If any of my family members had done this, I would have cut off contact with them for good. Again, you CAN love at a distance and NOT do anything for the murderer to be free again, etc. None of my family ever considered doing ANYTHING to free the perpetrator, get her out of charges, etc. Love doesn't mean you CONDONE the murder. The love I have for the perpetrator in our case is based mostly on the time before the murders. Just like with forgiveness, still loving your family member who murdered doesn't mean you'll EVER condone the murder, try to get them out of charges, live in evil denial, etc.
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Post by Charlene on Sept 6, 2010 9:49:20 GMT -5
It is really frustrating when you realize that people still love and support the murderer, especially in an inter-family murder where those same people had also loved the victim. I do not understand it from many perspectives, except perhaps the parents. Please realize you can love WITHOUT supporting. I did this in my familys' case. You CAN love from a distance and NOT be in contact with your loved 1 who murdered, etc. I DO have a HUGE problem with the family members who are in EVIL DENIAL and literally support their murdering family member in their lies, etc., if the person is trying to get out of what they did, etc. If any of my family members had done this, I would have cut off contact with them for good. Again, you CAN love at a distance and NOT do anything for the murderer to be free again, etc. None of my family ever considered doing ANYTHING to free the perpetrator, get her out of charges, etc. Love doesn't mean you CONDONE the murder. The love I have for the perpetrator in our case is based mostly on the time before the murders. Just like with forgiveness, still loving your family member who murdered doesn't mean you'll EVER condone the murder, try to get them out of charges, live in evil denial, etc. Yes, I definitely agree. If I were a parent of someone who committed murder, I would always love them but could not support them and certainly would not defend them.
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