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Dad
Mar 9, 2012 16:40:42 GMT -5
Post by spiritdad on Mar 9, 2012 16:40:42 GMT -5
It's been a little over 5 years since my dad was beaten to death by my son. It happened the day after Christmas in 2006. It's been hell. I went through more than I ever thought I would. I lost my job less than 6 months after it happened, my bird died the next summer, I had to put 1 of my dogs to sleep October 2007, the trial started in December 2007, I found a 24 year old hanging in the basement of the apartments where I worked in January of 2008 (I went into a tailspin for about a week, I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes that's all I could see). I had to go through being questioned by the police over it because I found him (luckily I didn't have to go downtown and be questioned-I think only because the crime scene investigator that was at the trial was there). I finally went over to talk to his mom. She couldn't understand why the police wouldn't let her go downstairs and I told her she didn't want to remember him that way. I told her just to remember him the way he was. There was a shooting and a retaliation shooting that took place, the sentencing was in February of 2009. I ended up losing my house to foreclosure the day before Thanksgiving in 2009 and moved to Iowa and had an accident with my granddaughter, some stuff fell out of the truck and hit her in the head splitting her head open all the way to the skull. Her mom and her family was furious with me and the year and a half that I lived there hardly got to see my granddaughter. My sister moved me to California in July of 2011 and ended up kicking me out leaving me homeless I slept in a car with 2 large dogs. Sometimes I still don't get why I have had to go through so much hell. My whole family disowned me during trial, and my only sister just recently. I still am struggling with that one because your supposed to stick by your family. I don't understand why I found someone not once, but twice. Most people don't find someone dead once, and knowing it was at the hands of my only son makes it even more difficult. I hate what he did and I still want to choke him for what he did, but it's a love/hate relationship. He's still my son. I got to where I don't tell people who beat my father to death because it changes the way people treat me. They act like I have a disease or something. Pastors don't even get it sometimes. They don't get the Post Traumatic Stress part. They don't get that it affects you in more ways that they understand. It doesn't go away, you think about it almost all the time. You can't get the images out of your mind no matter how hard you try. You can't stop the nightmares. You have your good days and more bad days than you would like to have. I am trying to come to terms with all of it but when you have no support from your family, it makes it really hard. I've tried really hard to not be mad at God, because I know He didn't make this happen, my son made the choice. It's just so hard to have faith and hope when you feel like you are out there all alone and feel abandoned by the people you thought would support you. And everything you thought you knew is gone. I am doing better, but it is still really hard sometimes. My family support is gone, I am pretty new in town and don't really know a lot of people. I miss my nephews dearly. I feel so alone sometimes because the people that I thought would be there for me are not. I am trying to keep faith and have hope, but when the storms just keep coming and it seems like there is no end in sight it makes it so difficult. I miss my homicide survivor groups. They have a POMC group here, but my sister is the chapter leader, so I really don't have a desire to go there. I know things will get better, I just really wish it would be sooner than later.
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Dad
Mar 10, 2012 17:30:17 GMT -5
Post by pumpkin12903 on Mar 10, 2012 17:30:17 GMT -5
It's been a little over 5 years since my dad was beaten to death by my son. It happened the day after Christmas in 2006. It's been hell. I went through more than I ever thought I would. I lost my job less than 6 months after it happened, my bird died the next summer, I had to put 1 of my dogs to sleep October 2007, the trial started in December 2007, I found a 24 year old hanging in the basement of the apartments where I worked in January of 2008 (I went into a tailspin for about a week, I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes that's all I could see). I had to go through being questioned by the police over it because I found him (luckily I didn't have to go downtown and be questioned-I think only because the crime scene investigator that was at the trial was there). I finally went over to talk to his mom. She couldn't understand why the police wouldn't let her go downstairs and I told her she didn't want to remember him that way. I told her just to remember him the way he was. There was a shooting and a retaliation shooting that took place, the sentencing was in February of 2009. I ended up losing my house to foreclosure the day before Thanksgiving in 2009 and moved to Iowa and had an accident with my granddaughter, some stuff fell out of the truck and hit her in the head splitting her head open all the way to the skull. Her mom and her family was furious with me and the year and a half that I lived there hardly got to see my granddaughter. My sister moved me to California in July of 2011 and ended up kicking me out leaving me homeless I slept in a car with 2 large dogs. Sometimes I still don't get why I have had to go through so much hell. My whole family disowned me during trial, and my only sister just recently. I still am struggling with that one because your supposed to stick by your family. I don't understand why I found someone not once, but twice. Most people don't find someone dead once, and knowing it was at the hands of my only son makes it even more difficult. I hate what he did and I still want to choke him for what he did, but it's a love/hate relationship. He's still my son. I got to where I don't tell people who beat my father to death because it changes the way people treat me. They act like I have a disease or something. Pastors don't even get it sometimes. They don't get the Post Traumatic Stress part. They don't get that it affects you in more ways that they understand. It doesn't go away, you think about it almost all the time. You can't get the images out of your mind no matter how hard you try. You can't stop the nightmares. You have your good days and more bad days than you would like to have. I am trying to come to terms with all of it but when you have no support from your family, it makes it really hard. I've tried really hard to not be mad at God, because I know He didn't make this happen, my son made the choice. It's just so hard to have faith and hope when you feel like you are out there all alone and feel abandoned by the people you thought would support you. And everything you thought you knew is gone. I am doing better, but it is still really hard sometimes. My family support is gone, I am pretty new in town and don't really know a lot of people. I miss my nephews dearly. I feel so alone sometimes because the people that I thought would be there for me are not. I am trying to keep faith and have hope, but when the storms just keep coming and it seems like there is no end in sight it makes it so difficult. I miss my homicide survivor groups. They have a POMC group here, but my sister is the chapter leader, so I really don't have a desire to go there. I know things will get better, I just really wish it would be sooner than later. Dear spiritdad, I'm very sorry about your dad. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. Unfortunately, you've already run into what many of us MVS have: people that do treat you like something's wrong with YOU when you tell your story. It's something many MVS have run into (myself included). You get to the point with it that you can tell right away who only has a ghoulish interest in your story and who really does care in a GOOD way. This is 1 of the reasons that more education about MVS is needed. The ideal is that NO education be needed, but, unfortunately, it is needed and we do what we can to work towards the ideal. MVS also learn quick that some will never care about our tragedies. They've hardened their hearts and some of them are proud of it and say so. I say thank God for the 1's who truly DO care. They help us MVS recover as best as possible along with other people and things. The emotions you're having are normal for what's happened to you. I understand them to a degree because my Dad and Grandma were murdered by my Mother in 1990. Every time I think about my Mother my feelings are mixed. I'll always love her, but will also hate forever what she did. I also never wanted an in-person relationship with her again after she confessed to the murders. I purposely had little contact with her after the murders. This is 1 of the things we inter-family MVS have to deal with: our mixed feelings towards the perpetrator. We have more issues to deal with than those who don't have inter-family cases. Again, welcome to the board. Take care.
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Dad
Mar 22, 2012 13:52:41 GMT -5
Post by spiritdad on Mar 22, 2012 13:52:41 GMT -5
I do not understand why my sister has to be the way she is. She brings me to California. Which was my mistake-only to kick me out after everything I have been through. I made the mistake of calling her after she sent me a card for my birthday because she wanted to take me out to dinner. Turns out she was sick and I told her I didn't want it-then the s---- was on. She hangs up on me and then calls me back and leaves me nasty messages saying that I am a psychopath just like my son, there is not a medication in the world that can help me, she wants me out of her life, and if I contact her again she is going to call the police and get a restraining order on me. I got here in July of 2011. I listened to the phone conversation she had with my Dr. (who is not supposed to discuss my stuff with anyone anyway), and she asked if I was capable of hurting her or her twin boys. I never in my life gave her any reason to ever think that. She wonders why I started keeping to myself after that happened. Then at dinner-he wants us to say what we are thankful for-and she says something negative about that. Then she writes a living arrangement that started out as 1 page and turns into 3. She says my behavior is "unacceptable". All the negative things she said to me and about me I kept my mouth shut until she pushed me and I said a few thing-but what she has said to me is acceptable? She thinks I'm sick. I'm traumatized-f----- get real. I not only found my dad beaten to death the day after Christmas, but I found someone hanging 2 years later, and my granddaughter's accident when I had her. She has no idea how much guilt I still have. I keep telling myself I shouldn't have left that day and what if I would have found my dad sooner, I was home almost an hour before I found him. She has no clue what it has been like for me and she wants to sit there and tell me I'm sick. I just don't get it. It wasn't bad enough that the rest of the family disowned me during the trial, but my own sister? I know that in the end the karma will come back around to her. The old saying "what goes around comes around" will bite her in her a--. She shouldn't treat family that way. Maybe someday when her twins grow up she will understand the true meaning of "unconditional" love, and that we may not like what our children do, but we still love them. She will have double everything with 2 of them. She wanted me to help her and now she threw me out of her life for no reason. I consider myself christian, but for all the things she has said to me I don't think we will ever have the relationship we had before if any.
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