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Post by Laura on Aug 14, 2003 20:02:29 GMT -5
On August 15, 1990 my Grandma and Dad were murdered by my Mom. I've been really struggling this week to stay calm and everything. Every year this is a very painful day. The past few years I've forced myself out of the house and this does help me feel better. I really appreciate that there's this board and all the support and caring that's here. Until the past few years I would always drink on the 15th, saying this day was a good excuse to do that, and that I'd tried to find others with a case like my familys' and there wasn't anyone out there. Thank God, I now know both to be untrue! This October I'll have gone 4 years without alcohol. I've had the most amount of peace with it all since I quit masking it with the alcohol. All that did was hide was needed to be faced and everything. My Dad and Grandma were great, loving people who did a lot for their families. When my Mom wasn't in the depressive part of her manic depression she could be great, too. I feel so sad that her illness was denied (by herself and others) and due to being untreated went into psychosis. She was devastated by what she did and was a very broken woman after it all. I know my Dad and Grandma wanted us to achieve all we could, and the cycle of abuse that was in my family is gone now, and I see that as a huge blessing. There has also been a lot of recovery from alcoholism. I have to admit I feel kind of alone this week, as I moved to another city in May to work. I was out of work over 6 months and was going to make the move at some point, and ended up making it the quickest way! I'm in the process of building up a support system again. This board is a great support that you can access in any city, which is a huge advantage. I hope to make more friends here over time. I feel a little less alone when posting on this board. Thanks for listening-Laura
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BethMariansChild
Sophomore
Regular
May the Great Goddess bless you in whatever path you choose.
Posts: 63
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Post by BethMariansChild on Aug 15, 2003 13:00:46 GMT -5
Laura,
Around here the term often used is "sadiversary". That really says so much, doesn't it? I want to extend my sympathy to you for the loss of your Grandmother and Dad...and the symbolic loss of your Mom as well. Was she tried and convicted for the murders? Or was she placed in a psychiatric facility? Do you still see her?
I'm glad you were able to find us. and I want to congratulate you on winning the battle with alcohol. Keep up the good work! It is hard, but so very "worth it" to stay clean and sober and experience life as it is - with all of the pain and joy, peaks and valleys, turmoil and triumph inherent in life as a human being.
Blessings to you...and WELCOME!
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Post by Laura on Aug 19, 2003 6:34:41 GMT -5
Dear Beth, thank you for your very nice reply. Yes, I agree 100%, sadiversary is a great way to describe the anniversaries of the murders of our loved ones. I did OK last Friday but I did have panic attacks trying to start most of the day, but good news is 1 didn't start. I have panic disorder as an outgrowth of post-traumatic stress disorder. Instead of fully resolving everything in therapy, I drank and then when I quit drinking the panic disorder started. To answer your questions: no, my Mom never went to trial. She was found mentally incompetent to stand trial and was committed to the state hospital. There was only 1 time she was found competent but when she knew she'd be sent back for trial she deteriorated again. After that, she never became competent again. The hospital tried shock treatments and everything and she never got well. She died in the hospital in 1997. When she wasn't in the psychotic state she knew what she did and was full of guilt. From what my family has been able to find out, why she did it was a combination of reasons. There was her mental illness which she refused to get treatment for, there was a history of verbal abuse and unacceptance between her and my Grandma, and there were also some other added stresses in the few years before it happened. She also had a rotten doctor who gave her a Prozac prescription without even giving her a physical or bloodwork. She was given this prescription the day before it happened. She was very upset about this and nothing I could say or my Dad could would calm her down. More than 1 person tried to get her to get psychiatric help and she wouldn't. Her Dad also had the manic depression and ended up getting committed. She told me over and over she was terrified of getting committed herself. And then her worst fear came true. I offered to find her a psychiatrist and would drive her and go in with her but she refused. 1 of our family doctors (NOT the 1 who gave her the prescription) also referred her to a doctor and she wouldn't go. After it all, she could barely face any of us, especially me as her and I were the closest before it happened. My brother was her guardian because of her incompetency and had that burden for 7 years before she died. Thank you for your encouragement about stopping drinking. My recovery from this all has been the biggest since I quit. Life is very good when you're in your right mind! I have read your story on the group and am very sorry for all you've been through, too. Thank you again for your nice reply and take care-Laura
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Post by Allie on Mar 31, 2004 15:56:03 GMT -5
Dear Laura, I know a lot of time has gone by since you posted in Aug. of 2003, however, I have just found the website. My mother murdered my dad. I did not know about this for 35 years. My mother died in 1993 and a family member to whom she had confessed, told me the truth. Since that time, I have gone through all kinds of emotions - alone. I had already had an alcohol problem and gone to AA before I found out. So, I tried that, too.
Anyway, the point I wanted to make is that your posting and your response to the response has already helped me to make some sense of the situation. Obviously, my mother was mentally ill. I suspect she was manic-depressive as well as she had mood swings. Of course, I have had the same and have done tons of work on it.
Thank you for putting out your story. I went straight to your posting for some reason. I'm very glad I did. I don't know how many of us have the mother kill the father. I often wonder if anyone could understand. Allie
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Apr 19, 2004 18:58:11 GMT -5
Dear Allie, sorry for my late reply! Thanks for answering my post. Your answer really got to me to be honest. I'm so sorry for all that's happened to you. I'm glad you found this board, I know for me it's been a lifesaver as far as getting support and being able to tell others how we feel, how we got through, etc. I'm very glad you know about AA! AA is also a lifesaver. How many years do you have sober? I'll have 5 this October. I agree with you about all the work to make it through our tragedies. It's very hard but very worth it. I still have days when I think the worst of everyone and everything. But, I try not to take it out of anyone around me. I tend to isolate more on those days and pray more, too. The 1st question I have for God when I die is the why was this allowed to happen to our family? Do you struggle with this question also? If you don't mind my asking, how are the relationships with your other family members? There are a few in my family that still won't face that my Mom had a serious mental illness. I sympathize with you as far as living with your Mom must have been when she had the mood swings, etc. I wish so much if I was the person back then I am now. I think I would have done more. 1 of the last things worked on in my long-term therapy was resolving my guilt over all this, did I try enough to help my Mom get treatment, was there some way I could have helped prevent what happened, etc. Most of the time I accept what my doctor said. But on the bad days the thoughts come up. Like I said above, your post really got to me. I really admire how hard you've worked to remake your life. If you ever need to talk, please e-mail me. I hope you're doing well and wish you the best. Take care-Laura
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