|
Post by Deb on Dec 14, 2003 17:34:15 GMT -5
My best friend's brother and sister-in-law were just murdered in Mansfield TX. They were killed in their home. Their son and possibly daughter are considered strong suspects by the Texas Rangers that are investigating this crime. I lost a son (8 years old) to a fatal cardiac arrhythmia so I know loss from sudden death but I don't know how I can help her. Please let me know if you have any pearls of wisdom that you could share. Peace during the holidays. Thank you for your time and consideration.
|
|
BethMariansChild
Sophomore
Regular
May the Great Goddess bless you in whatever path you choose.
Posts: 63
|
Post by BethMariansChild on Dec 15, 2003 19:03:33 GMT -5
Deb,
You're already starting to help her by seeking out assistance so that you can be a more effective help to her in this time of need and in the times to come - and there will be lots of that.
The main thing that I would suggest is to keep communicating with her. So many times people who sincerely *want* to be helpful simply get embarassed or afraid of saying the wrong thing so that they end up saying nothing at all. She needs you. Believe me. She needs all the help she can get...but...she needs it in her time in the way that is most comfortable for her.
So...ask her what is most helpful. If she says that nothing is needed, give her a few days and ask again. Make a list of things that you think might be helpful or that you might want from someone trying to console/comfort you in the event of the death of a loved one, then ask her if she needs those things - one at a time. Some folks are just too shy to ask for what they need or may be afraid of imposing on your helpfulness.
Whatever you do, hang in there. Be patient with her. This is a horrible thing that has happened, and the full impact of it may not be felt for some time to come.
If all else fails, come back here to ask us once again. Hey...come back anyway. You are welcomed with open arms.
|
|
|
Post by Deb on Dec 26, 2003 20:38:42 GMT -5
Thank you for your advice. After losing my son, I learned that grief, though it may wax and wane, it lasts forever. I ended up serving as "Mary Poppins" and babysitting all the little kids during the funeral and visitation times. I think this site is really nice and provides a much needed safe haven for grieving families. I will recommend this site to my friend. Peace to you and all during this upcoming new year.
|
|
honeybare
Cadet
Jeanne Dotts Brykalski - Les and Carol's daughter
Posts: 183
|
Post by honeybare on Jan 4, 2004 11:49:34 GMT -5
Just caring enough to come here and ask is a big step.
Don't give up, keep offering your help and love, just send them a card to know that you are thinking of them, or leave a message on their answering machine that you love them. You would be suprised how much the little things help.
When they are ready, let them cry, rant, rave, be angry. Also let them laugh, smile and remember all the good stuff.
My parents were murdered by complete strangers, but my dear friend Beth (as in the post above) lost her mom to her step-monster (step-father).
Thank you for caring. Jeanne Dotts Brykalski
|
|