Post by Kir on Apr 18, 2004 13:41:20 GMT -5
Hi!
First, I just wanted to thank you all for posting on this board. It must have taken a lot of guts for the first poster, because i know how hard it can be to open up and tell people that someone you're related to committed murder. I just thank you, because reading these posts has helped me realize that I'm not alone.
My father has been in prison since I was 5 (i'm now 19) for murdering a coworker. Luckily, I did not know the man he murdered or his family.. my heart goes out to those of you who had two losses and knew the victim as well. I still visited my father in prison while we still lived in FL, but once we moved (when I was 7) I switched to just phone conversations. Eventually though, my psychiatrist at the time said that i wasn't taking it well, and that I should consider not talking to him. I had never even thought that it was an option, and was so relieved to hear it, so i did. He continued and continues to send me letters, which I stopped reading a few years after I stopped talking to him. And, I basically forgot about him since then. In the back of my mind, I know my father is in prison, but I've had other male supports in my life, one whom I even call Dad (making a distinction between "Dad" and "Father").
I just realized over the past few days, how I completely shut my father out of my life. I know that I am fortunate to have had a man who loved me so much that he'd write me and tell me for years, even when I never answered. However, I never even considered it love for some reason, because it shocked me when i realized that he actually does love me. I don't know why I assumed that he didn't. Have any of you had a hard time figuring out how to integrate the past into your current life? how to live with that fact, without being completely bogged down by it or without ignoring it? and have any of you had a hard time loving or accepting the love of the murder that you know?
You have no idea how grateful I am for this outlet-- I have some very compassionate friends who have listened and haven't judged me, which has been awesome, but at the same time, they have no comprehension of what it's like. And more than anything, it was amazing to read accounts of other people who had a similar experience. I've always felt like I was the only one who knew someone in prison.. much less had a father in prison.
Thanks for listening! and for posting!!
~K
First, I just wanted to thank you all for posting on this board. It must have taken a lot of guts for the first poster, because i know how hard it can be to open up and tell people that someone you're related to committed murder. I just thank you, because reading these posts has helped me realize that I'm not alone.
My father has been in prison since I was 5 (i'm now 19) for murdering a coworker. Luckily, I did not know the man he murdered or his family.. my heart goes out to those of you who had two losses and knew the victim as well. I still visited my father in prison while we still lived in FL, but once we moved (when I was 7) I switched to just phone conversations. Eventually though, my psychiatrist at the time said that i wasn't taking it well, and that I should consider not talking to him. I had never even thought that it was an option, and was so relieved to hear it, so i did. He continued and continues to send me letters, which I stopped reading a few years after I stopped talking to him. And, I basically forgot about him since then. In the back of my mind, I know my father is in prison, but I've had other male supports in my life, one whom I even call Dad (making a distinction between "Dad" and "Father").
I just realized over the past few days, how I completely shut my father out of my life. I know that I am fortunate to have had a man who loved me so much that he'd write me and tell me for years, even when I never answered. However, I never even considered it love for some reason, because it shocked me when i realized that he actually does love me. I don't know why I assumed that he didn't. Have any of you had a hard time figuring out how to integrate the past into your current life? how to live with that fact, without being completely bogged down by it or without ignoring it? and have any of you had a hard time loving or accepting the love of the murder that you know?
You have no idea how grateful I am for this outlet-- I have some very compassionate friends who have listened and haven't judged me, which has been awesome, but at the same time, they have no comprehension of what it's like. And more than anything, it was amazing to read accounts of other people who had a similar experience. I've always felt like I was the only one who knew someone in prison.. much less had a father in prison.
Thanks for listening! and for posting!!
~K