Post by Bosco29 on Nov 2, 2004 14:01:24 GMT -5
Hi everyone,
I don't know how to begin grieving for this. I can't cry anymore for some reason and I want to so much. Crying is so much easier than dealing with the rest of the emotions going through me right now.
My uncle (my mother's brother) shot and killed his wife (my favorite aunt) with a shotgun and then my uncle killed himself on October 28th, 2004. My mom has 3 sisters and he was their only brother; my grandparent's only son. They had two sons - ages 20 and 18. They never had the best marraige and were separated when it happened. We don't know why it all happened and I am still in shock that my uncle had it in him to kill someone - let alone someone he loved. We are assuming that she went over to the house to tell him she wasn't coming back. Last we heard, they were getting back together, but her wedding ring was at her apartment, so...
We are having to deal with the stories in the newspapers calling him a murderer and my cousins decided to have a double funeral which I'm not sure was a good idea. There were fights over who would be the pallbearers for my uncle's casket and none of her family wanted to. My family was more than willing, even though we are very angry at him for taking her from us and for doing this horrendous act.
I feel so horrible for her family, and I miss my favorite aunt so much - I'm still in shock and can't really believe it, but I miss my uncle too. He was a good uncle and a good brother to my mom and my aunts. He and my Grandpa were together at least twice a week and were best friends. It's hard watching my grandparents suffer through this and I never thought I would see the day that my grandparents would be putting their hands on my uncle's casket. We all knew my uncle was depressed and so was my aunt. They both drank a lot and we found out later that they did a lot of marijuana (we found a bunch cleaning out their house and her apartment). Neither substance was in their system at the time of the deaths.
Just 2 years ago, my family suffered it's first loss when an uncle (on the same side of the family) died from a massive heart attack. It was hard enough to get through and we were just starting to accept it - then THIS. I am 22 years old. I can't imagine what my cousins are going through right now. There isn't anything to say to them that is going to help right now. And as hard as I think it is to accept that my uncle - my own blood - murdered my aunt, I don't know what I would do if that happened to my parents.
Oh and to make matters worse, I had to take time off from work to go to the funerals, help clean out the house (where it all happened), and try to gain some sanity, my boss at work (a hospital in town) calls me up 3 hours after I found out and tells me that my work doesn't allow funeral leave for aunts and uncles and that by taking this time off, I may lose my job. i just can't believe she called me 3 HOURS after I found out. i was hysterical enough and then she dumps that on me! And she said, "I'm done finding people to cover your shifts - you need to be here on Friday!" Ok, for my job, I deal directly with the patients; I draw blood, enter test results, give injections, etc, etc, etc...Would you as a patient really want someone with so many issues stabbing needles into them?? I mean, REALLY!?!?!
I have heard this comment back after telling someone what happened, "Oh yeah I know how you feel. My uncle died last year from cancer." Bullcrap you don't know how I feel!!!
I guess no one can ever understand what it's like to have family murder family until it happens to them. I have never felt a pain like this.
I have two jobs and my other job is more than willing to take me back full time AND still give me the time I need off to get somewhat back to normal - augh...normal....My family will never be the same, let alone normal.
My fiance and I went to the humane society to pick up their dogs (one of them my cousin took so we took the other one). "Ivy" was there and saw it all happen - she's a little traumatized and scared. She was found across the hall from the bathroom (where it happened) hiding in their bedroom.
My Grandpa (my uncle's father) was the one who cleaned up the bathroom...I was horrified that he did that. i mean, isn't there an agency or something that cleans up these kinds of things so that FAMILY does not have to?
My mom is taking this very hard. She loved her baby brother despite what happened.
I just can't believe this is happening in my family. I had always heard of this happening in other families and i never really thought about how much it affected the rest of the family. I thought of their immediate family (children, wives, husbands), but never thought about their siblings, parents, neices, nephews, grandkids...
I think what hurts the most is that he shot her more than once. He was an excellent hunter and we assumed it would just be one shot to the head. She was shot around her collarbone on the left side (we're assuming she tried to push the barrel down from her face) and then shot again in her temple. We thought maybe he went temporarily insane and that maybe that first shot would have snapped him out of it...But to shoot her again...And kill her...And then turn the gun on himself...i can't imagine my uncle doing all of this. We have a very close-knit family and were together for every holiday and annual family reunions where we just had a blast.
I'll never get to hear my uncle call me "heather-feather" or watch as my previous boyfriends got the shock of hearing, "I love my neice. If you don't treat her right, I'll hunt you down like a DOG!" My uncle had a hilarious cackle of a laugh that we will all miss very much.
I'm going to miss my aunt - I'll never get to hear that I'm her favorite neice ever again. I'll never receive any more of her fun emails. She always said I was the daughter she never had and wanted to put a "mural" of me on the front of her house. I kept checking my email hoping there would be one from her there so that none of this could be true. i wanted to email her just to make sure she wasn't alive. I wanted to call her and hear her voice.
I spent a lot of time with my aunt's mother begging her to forgive us for what my uncle did. She says she doesn't hate us and that she loved my uncle too. She gave it this reasoning: "They couldn't live with or without each other." The rest of her family aren't so forgiving. That makes it tough.
While cleaning out the valuables in their home, there was an endless stream of cars gawking at the house that this tragedy happened at in that smaller town. I wanted every single one of them to feel the pain we're feeling right now.
My fiance took me out to a church dinner this past Saturday night. I didn't think I was ready to go out and I wasn't. When we got there, all I could see were very elderly people, and half of the talk involved people they knew turning 90 or higher...It hurt so much to hear them talk like that. My aunt and uncle were 42 and 43. I was so angry that I had to leave before I had more hateful thoughts towards them.
This is so long but I have no where else to turn to. There are very little sites that offer this specific type of grieving involving murder in the family. And even less sites who understand what it's like to have a family member murder and then commit suicide.
My youngest sister is staying at our house (she's 13) while my mom and other sister (20) are helping clean out some more of my aunt and uncle's house a few hours away. my house is right by her middle school. I called her in sick today from school because I didn't want to be alone. I'm terrified. I dont know of what. I'm just terrified. I don't want to be alone, especially when it's dark outside. I don't know if I'm afraid of ghosts, nightmares, the dark, or what. I'm just scared. My fiance was going to stay home today with me, but something came up at work and he had to go. He's been so wonderful through all of this.
My 20 year old sister just started dating a guy I work with and have known for almost a year. he's a great guy and I really hope this doesn't scare him off. He seemed to really like her (and vice versa) so I hope he doesn't get scared off.
How do I tell people how they died? I can't seem to get it out. i'm ashamed of my uncle for doing this, but at the same time trying to grieve for him. Poeple always seem to ask "how did they die?". So far, they've all asked, "Was it a car accident?". We could only wish that's what it was.
sorry to take up so much of your time. I'm very confused, scared, hurt, and God knows what else right now. I'll probably write more later (and read). But for now, I need to get my mind going back to day-to-day activities.
I'm sorry we're all hear to discuss such horrible things, but very thankful that there our those out there that know how I feel. I'm going to tell my mom about this group too so she might be joining. I'm going to go tot he bookstore and try to find some books on murder-suicide survivors. Any recommendations on books?
My mom really is having a hard time and she really wants some answers that we'll never get answered. but I think information on it may help.
My brother is a police officer in another part of the USA and has the full report, pictures, everything. He says he'll tell us what we want to know and only what we want to know. I haven't asked him anything...But I want to know.
Thank you for listening...
Heather
North Dakota
I don't know how to begin grieving for this. I can't cry anymore for some reason and I want to so much. Crying is so much easier than dealing with the rest of the emotions going through me right now.
My uncle (my mother's brother) shot and killed his wife (my favorite aunt) with a shotgun and then my uncle killed himself on October 28th, 2004. My mom has 3 sisters and he was their only brother; my grandparent's only son. They had two sons - ages 20 and 18. They never had the best marraige and were separated when it happened. We don't know why it all happened and I am still in shock that my uncle had it in him to kill someone - let alone someone he loved. We are assuming that she went over to the house to tell him she wasn't coming back. Last we heard, they were getting back together, but her wedding ring was at her apartment, so...
We are having to deal with the stories in the newspapers calling him a murderer and my cousins decided to have a double funeral which I'm not sure was a good idea. There were fights over who would be the pallbearers for my uncle's casket and none of her family wanted to. My family was more than willing, even though we are very angry at him for taking her from us and for doing this horrendous act.
I feel so horrible for her family, and I miss my favorite aunt so much - I'm still in shock and can't really believe it, but I miss my uncle too. He was a good uncle and a good brother to my mom and my aunts. He and my Grandpa were together at least twice a week and were best friends. It's hard watching my grandparents suffer through this and I never thought I would see the day that my grandparents would be putting their hands on my uncle's casket. We all knew my uncle was depressed and so was my aunt. They both drank a lot and we found out later that they did a lot of marijuana (we found a bunch cleaning out their house and her apartment). Neither substance was in their system at the time of the deaths.
Just 2 years ago, my family suffered it's first loss when an uncle (on the same side of the family) died from a massive heart attack. It was hard enough to get through and we were just starting to accept it - then THIS. I am 22 years old. I can't imagine what my cousins are going through right now. There isn't anything to say to them that is going to help right now. And as hard as I think it is to accept that my uncle - my own blood - murdered my aunt, I don't know what I would do if that happened to my parents.
Oh and to make matters worse, I had to take time off from work to go to the funerals, help clean out the house (where it all happened), and try to gain some sanity, my boss at work (a hospital in town) calls me up 3 hours after I found out and tells me that my work doesn't allow funeral leave for aunts and uncles and that by taking this time off, I may lose my job. i just can't believe she called me 3 HOURS after I found out. i was hysterical enough and then she dumps that on me! And she said, "I'm done finding people to cover your shifts - you need to be here on Friday!" Ok, for my job, I deal directly with the patients; I draw blood, enter test results, give injections, etc, etc, etc...Would you as a patient really want someone with so many issues stabbing needles into them?? I mean, REALLY!?!?!
I have heard this comment back after telling someone what happened, "Oh yeah I know how you feel. My uncle died last year from cancer." Bullcrap you don't know how I feel!!!
I guess no one can ever understand what it's like to have family murder family until it happens to them. I have never felt a pain like this.
I have two jobs and my other job is more than willing to take me back full time AND still give me the time I need off to get somewhat back to normal - augh...normal....My family will never be the same, let alone normal.
My fiance and I went to the humane society to pick up their dogs (one of them my cousin took so we took the other one). "Ivy" was there and saw it all happen - she's a little traumatized and scared. She was found across the hall from the bathroom (where it happened) hiding in their bedroom.
My Grandpa (my uncle's father) was the one who cleaned up the bathroom...I was horrified that he did that. i mean, isn't there an agency or something that cleans up these kinds of things so that FAMILY does not have to?
My mom is taking this very hard. She loved her baby brother despite what happened.
I just can't believe this is happening in my family. I had always heard of this happening in other families and i never really thought about how much it affected the rest of the family. I thought of their immediate family (children, wives, husbands), but never thought about their siblings, parents, neices, nephews, grandkids...
I think what hurts the most is that he shot her more than once. He was an excellent hunter and we assumed it would just be one shot to the head. She was shot around her collarbone on the left side (we're assuming she tried to push the barrel down from her face) and then shot again in her temple. We thought maybe he went temporarily insane and that maybe that first shot would have snapped him out of it...But to shoot her again...And kill her...And then turn the gun on himself...i can't imagine my uncle doing all of this. We have a very close-knit family and were together for every holiday and annual family reunions where we just had a blast.
I'll never get to hear my uncle call me "heather-feather" or watch as my previous boyfriends got the shock of hearing, "I love my neice. If you don't treat her right, I'll hunt you down like a DOG!" My uncle had a hilarious cackle of a laugh that we will all miss very much.
I'm going to miss my aunt - I'll never get to hear that I'm her favorite neice ever again. I'll never receive any more of her fun emails. She always said I was the daughter she never had and wanted to put a "mural" of me on the front of her house. I kept checking my email hoping there would be one from her there so that none of this could be true. i wanted to email her just to make sure she wasn't alive. I wanted to call her and hear her voice.
I spent a lot of time with my aunt's mother begging her to forgive us for what my uncle did. She says she doesn't hate us and that she loved my uncle too. She gave it this reasoning: "They couldn't live with or without each other." The rest of her family aren't so forgiving. That makes it tough.
While cleaning out the valuables in their home, there was an endless stream of cars gawking at the house that this tragedy happened at in that smaller town. I wanted every single one of them to feel the pain we're feeling right now.
My fiance took me out to a church dinner this past Saturday night. I didn't think I was ready to go out and I wasn't. When we got there, all I could see were very elderly people, and half of the talk involved people they knew turning 90 or higher...It hurt so much to hear them talk like that. My aunt and uncle were 42 and 43. I was so angry that I had to leave before I had more hateful thoughts towards them.
This is so long but I have no where else to turn to. There are very little sites that offer this specific type of grieving involving murder in the family. And even less sites who understand what it's like to have a family member murder and then commit suicide.
My youngest sister is staying at our house (she's 13) while my mom and other sister (20) are helping clean out some more of my aunt and uncle's house a few hours away. my house is right by her middle school. I called her in sick today from school because I didn't want to be alone. I'm terrified. I dont know of what. I'm just terrified. I don't want to be alone, especially when it's dark outside. I don't know if I'm afraid of ghosts, nightmares, the dark, or what. I'm just scared. My fiance was going to stay home today with me, but something came up at work and he had to go. He's been so wonderful through all of this.
My 20 year old sister just started dating a guy I work with and have known for almost a year. he's a great guy and I really hope this doesn't scare him off. He seemed to really like her (and vice versa) so I hope he doesn't get scared off.
How do I tell people how they died? I can't seem to get it out. i'm ashamed of my uncle for doing this, but at the same time trying to grieve for him. Poeple always seem to ask "how did they die?". So far, they've all asked, "Was it a car accident?". We could only wish that's what it was.
sorry to take up so much of your time. I'm very confused, scared, hurt, and God knows what else right now. I'll probably write more later (and read). But for now, I need to get my mind going back to day-to-day activities.
I'm sorry we're all hear to discuss such horrible things, but very thankful that there our those out there that know how I feel. I'm going to tell my mom about this group too so she might be joining. I'm going to go tot he bookstore and try to find some books on murder-suicide survivors. Any recommendations on books?
My mom really is having a hard time and she really wants some answers that we'll never get answered. but I think information on it may help.
My brother is a police officer in another part of the USA and has the full report, pictures, everything. He says he'll tell us what we want to know and only what we want to know. I haven't asked him anything...But I want to know.
Thank you for listening...
Heather
North Dakota