Post by banjosgirl on Dec 29, 2004 10:12:12 GMT -5
My husband was killed by his brother. He intended to kill others, but my husband’s actions stopped him. When he realized he was caught, the killer killed himself.
My (former) in-laws want me to continue to associate and socialize with them, but some of them can’t refrain from speaking of my husband’s killer with fondness. I believe it’s unreasonable for them to expect me to listen to this without expressing my opinion of the man.
The compromise is… They don’t talk about the ONE time in his life when he acted with a small amount of humanity (And that’s not an exaggeration. Even his family has to dig to find something nice to say about him.) and I won’t talk about what he really was.
I think this is a reasonable compromise, but I’ve been told that I should be more understanding.
(By the way… The differences are numerous. My husband was well respected by his family, friends and business associates. He had a successful career and gave back to the community. He had a multitude of friends. He was a good father, brother and son to his family and a good husband to me, his wife. Not only was the killer none of these things, he purposely hurt many of these people.)
I never openly expressed the disgust I feel for the killer. But from day one, upon the insistence of my husband’s mother, his family spoke of the killer in the same context with his victim.
So… I talk to them occasionally, but not on a regular basis. It hurts to have my husband taken from me as well as the people who were such a big part of my life. But it hurts more to have my husband and his killer spoken of in equal terms.
I’m sorry this turned out to be so long for such a simple question…
How comfortable are you and how much contact do you have with the killer’s family?
Thank you,
cb
My (former) in-laws want me to continue to associate and socialize with them, but some of them can’t refrain from speaking of my husband’s killer with fondness. I believe it’s unreasonable for them to expect me to listen to this without expressing my opinion of the man.
The compromise is… They don’t talk about the ONE time in his life when he acted with a small amount of humanity (And that’s not an exaggeration. Even his family has to dig to find something nice to say about him.) and I won’t talk about what he really was.
I think this is a reasonable compromise, but I’ve been told that I should be more understanding.
(By the way… The differences are numerous. My husband was well respected by his family, friends and business associates. He had a successful career and gave back to the community. He had a multitude of friends. He was a good father, brother and son to his family and a good husband to me, his wife. Not only was the killer none of these things, he purposely hurt many of these people.)
I never openly expressed the disgust I feel for the killer. But from day one, upon the insistence of my husband’s mother, his family spoke of the killer in the same context with his victim.
So… I talk to them occasionally, but not on a regular basis. It hurts to have my husband taken from me as well as the people who were such a big part of my life. But it hurts more to have my husband and his killer spoken of in equal terms.
I’m sorry this turned out to be so long for such a simple question…
How comfortable are you and how much contact do you have with the killer’s family?
Thank you,
cb