lizM
Newbie
Posts: 4
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Post by lizM on Apr 24, 2005 22:37:20 GMT -5
Hello, I have been coming to this site for 2 yrs now. I find it comforting to know I am not alone in my pain. My sister was 21 yr old. She had 3 daughters, a 3 yr old and 18 th old twins. She had been with her husband since she was 16. At first we didnt like him everyone knew he was not right for her. She was very sweet, always with a smile in her face. I am the oldest she was second to me and I am the one who was the "moody" one. I can not even begin to understand why her and not me. She was so kindhearted...I remeber one time when we went to my mothers country for my parents wedding she gave me her last 20 $ because she no longer needed them. I had a rough childhood so I became cold. I hardly ever told my sisters how much I love them. Now if Only I had a second to tell her how much I loved her. Like I do now to my other sisters. The story began when he started hitting her..my parents interfered as well as my sisters and me. We all tried to help her leave him. But she would end up back with him. She went to school and became a nurse and worked at the hptl. There is where she found her courage to leave him for good. In november 2001 she left him after he had tried to kill her by choking her to death then he cut his wrists. THe police went and he spent the night in jail. She then went into hiding at my other sister's husband house. She called my parents to pick up her daughters so she can get everything ready for to move out here. 400 miles away from him. That was the last time I saw her, the last time she hugged me, the last time I saw her beautiful smile. I was pg at the time. December 20th my sister called to check on the girls she sounded sick. I spoke to her for a minute just to let her know I was having a boy..we all wanted me to have a boy. No I love you nothing I have so much guilt for not telling her I love you. The 21st I went to work and suddenly I started to cry I had to go home...later my husband called to meet them at my parents home they needed to talk to us. So I go and as I walk in my mother is screaming. My husbands pulls me to the side and tells me that my sister was shot and killed by her husband. I hit my husband and told him to not play with me he had tears in his eyes then Iknew it was true. I walked in to see my mom broken and my dad crying..I had to call my other 2 sisters one at work and the other one at home to tell them the tragedy that just occur. We left, 6 hrs later we got to the house where she was hiding at, candles and flowers were outside. You could still see blood on the floor. THe story of what happened has changed a bit but this is basically what happened. My sister went to pick up her check and he was following her, she went to get her license and to the mall he was still following her. When she got to the house he pulled behind her. They talked for a few minutes he then shot her 3 times in her stomach. She was still alive...he then grabbed her by the hair and shot her once in the face she was still alive pleading for him to not kill her. 3 minutes later he shot her again ending her life. The last bullet killed her it went straight to her brain. My dad had to identify her body so I dont know how she ended up. The week went by and we had her viewing she did not look like her. On the 31st of december she was buried. She is only 5 min away and is so hard to visit her. Her husband fled the scene only to kill himself and an innocent person as he landed in her car when he shot himself. 4 mths after this my father had a heartattack and he died 2 days after I gave birth to my son he was early but now he is healthy and reminds us all of my dad. My sister was so loved by everyone I miss her daily. I must admit that I have not yet had closure and I have been able to deal with it as I supressed my feelings to be the rock for everyone else. I think I might be going nuts at times but I must go on for my kids sake. This is my story one I wish did not exist .
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Post by Charlene on Apr 26, 2005 7:48:30 GMT -5
Hi Liz. I am so sorry about your sister. That is such an awful case - but aren't they all!? I guess in most ways it is good that he killed himself and kept you from having to go through a trial or watch while people supported his sorry butt, which is an awful thing to deal with. On the other hand, he is gone and you can't express your anger and rage towards him. What has happened to the children since both of their parents are gone? Those poor darlings! If you have been coming here for two years and are just starting to post, maybe that shows that you are ready to get a little closure, ready to begin to express your feelings and talk about the loss you have endured. This board does help since there are so many other people who have experienced similar losses. Hello, I have been coming to this site for 2 yrs now. I find it comforting to know I am not alone in my pain. My sister was 21 yr old. She had 3 daughters, a 3 yr old and 18 th old twins. She had been with her husband since she was 16. At first we didnt like him everyone knew he was not right for her. She was very sweet, always with a smile in her face. I am the oldest she was second to me and I am the one who was the "moody" one. I can not even begin to understand why her and not me. She was so kindhearted...I remeber one time when we went to my mothers country for my parents wedding she gave me her last 20 $ because she no longer needed them. I had a rough childhood so I became cold. I hardly ever told my sisters how much I love them. Now if Only I had a second to tell her how much I loved her. Like I do now to my other sisters. The story began when he started hitting her..my parents interfered as well as my sisters and me. We all tried to help her leave him. But she would end up back with him. She went to school and became a nurse and worked at the hptl. There is where she found her courage to leave him for good. In november 2001 she left him after he had tried to kill her by choking her to death then he cut his wrists. THe police went and he spent the night in jail. She then went into hiding at my other sister's husband house. She called my parents to pick up her daughters so she can get everything ready for to move out here. 400 miles away from him. That was the last time I saw her, the last time she hugged me, the last time I saw her beautiful smile. I was pg at the time. December 20th my sister called to check on the girls she sounded sick. I spoke to her for a minute just to let her know I was having a boy..we all wanted me to have a boy. No I love you nothing I have so much guilt for not telling her I love you. The 21st I went to work and suddenly I started to cry I had to go home...later my husband called to meet them at my parents home they needed to talk to us. So I go and as I walk in my mother is screaming. My husbands pulls me to the side and tells me that my sister was shot and killed by her husband. I hit my husband and told him to not play with me he had tears in his eyes then Iknew it was true. I walked in to see my mom broken and my dad crying..I had to call my other 2 sisters one at work and the other one at home to tell them the tragedy that just occur. We left, 6 hrs later we got to the house where she was hiding at, candles and flowers were outside. You could still see blood on the floor. THe story of what happened has changed a bit but this is basically what happened. My sister went to pick up her check and he was following her, she went to get her license and to the mall he was still following her. When she got to the house he pulled behind her. They talked for a few minutes he then shot her 3 times in her stomach. She was still alive...he then grabbed her by the hair and shot her once in the face she was still alive pleading for him to not kill her. 3 minutes later he shot her again ending her life. The last bullet killed her it went straight to her brain. My dad had to identify her body so I dont know how she ended up. The week went by and we had her viewing she did not look like her. On the 31st of december she was buried. She is only 5 min away and is so hard to visit her. Her husband fled the scene only to kill himself and an innocent person as he landed in her car when he shot himself. 4 mths after this my father had a heartattack and he died 2 days after I gave birth to my son he was early but now he is healthy and reminds us all of my dad. My sister was so loved by everyone I miss her daily. I must admit that I have not yet had closure and I have been able to deal with it as I supressed my feelings to be the rock for everyone else. I think I might be going nuts at times but I must go on for my kids sake. This is my story one I wish did not exist .
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Post by katie41160 on Apr 26, 2005 10:14:08 GMT -5
wow i am so sorry to hear about what has happend.. my mother was stabbed to death not even 2 months ago and it was by some1 who was like a brother to me, her health care attendent. and it hurts so much.. i am sorry you have to hurt and im sorry we have to have this pain at all. i hope you are able to let the sun shine agin oneday.. thanks katie
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lilbird
Old Hand
Regular
Posts: 546
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Post by lilbird on May 10, 2005 9:46:59 GMT -5
LizM, I just read your story and i have the same response as Katie~ Wow! you have been through a lot!! The murder of your sister, the birth of your son and the loss of your father-what an emotional rollercoaster you must be on!! I am sure you do feel like you are going nuts at times, i mean who wouldn't?! You've been through some overwhelming situations! I'm so sorry for all you've been through, i hope you can find some healing here.
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Post by wordup on May 15, 2005 23:54:33 GMT -5
HI LIZ YOUR STORY ALMOST LEAVES ONE JUST SPEACHLESS, I'M TOO SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY THAT YOU HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH, IT IS JUST UBLELIEVABLE, YET I CAN BELIEVE IT, FOR YOU SOUND MUSH LIKE ME, AND THERE ARE TIME YOU FEEL WHY TALK ABOUT IT, WHO CARES? YET I FOUND OUT THERE ARE MANY THAT CARE.
I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO KEEP YOU THOUGHT AND FEELINGS TO YOURSELF, SMILING WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING. GOING WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO GO, BEING STRONG FOR EVERYONE ELSE, WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO GIVE YOU A HUG OR SOMETHING, ANYTHING TO MAKE THE PAIN EASE.
I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO HAVE MANY THING GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE AT THE SAME TIME, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN GRIEVE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EVEN FIT THAT IN, WHY BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO, NO ONE IS GOING TO DO IT, SO YOU HAVE TO DO IT
I KNOW ABOUT THE ANGER, OF WANTING TO DO SOMETHING TO THE ONE THAT SAW IN THEIR TWISTED BRAIN, IT WAS TIME FOR MY BABY TO DIE, YET BEING REMINED THAT I WOULD BE JUST LIKE HIM.
OH I KNOW, I REALLY KNOW. THAT OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I 'VE BEEN THROUGH, I WISH NO OTHER FAMILY WOULD EVER HAVE TO WALK IN MY SHOES, TODAY I CAN TELL YOU, I'M OK, TOMMORROW, WELL I WILL HAVE TO SEE. IT HAS BEEN ROUGH, YET I FEEL NO REGRETS ABOUT COMING TO THIS BOARD, I PLAN TO CONTINUE TO COME, JUST TO SEE IF I CAN BE OF HELP TO SOMEONE, AND HERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN STAND ON.. IF YOU NEED ME I'M HERE. UNTIL THE NEXT TIME , DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
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Post by littlebrother on Dec 3, 2005 12:52:46 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. That must have been terrible for you and your family to go through something like that. I can relate to your pain because I had a sister too - and she was killed 30 years ago when she was 10 years old. God bless you and I pray that you can get through this difficult time.
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Post by taterfay on Mar 29, 2006 21:33:56 GMT -5
Liz: I am SO sorry about what you've had to go through. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and your father. It sometimes seems like "enough is enough"..how much more heartbreak can one take? You've had more than your share. I, too, lost my sister to domestic violence just 4 months ago. I've tried to be the "strong" one at times but have ended up having to take a 3 week leave of absence from work to take care of myself because I was falling into a BAD depression. Please take care of yourself the best you can. Was your sister your only sister? Mine was.
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Post by meme on Mar 30, 2006 19:41:30 GMT -5
Liz, So sorry about your sister and dad. Often, people have heart trouble (pressure) after such a tragedy. The murderer killed TWO of your family members, not one. ____________________________- God gave you a gift- a reminder of life eternal, by giving you a son. He knew you would need someone to hold on to. ____________________________ Katie, what hapened to your mom's murderer? That makes me so mad! How dare a healthcare provider murder, the vulture is privy to the helpless victims by virtue of profession. Sue the individual you knew and trusted, after prosecution.
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Post by sistersareforever on May 15, 2007 21:21:36 GMT -5
I just started coming to this site because it's been so difficult for me. I have not been able to deal with the murder of my sister. She was the youngest of four girls. She was only 29. She had such a beautiful smile. She had such a good heart. She would help anyone in need. She was the world to me. It has been so unbelievably hard for our family to deal with this. I sometimes want to think she moved away and has just not called. As time goes by, the reality is hitting me. I'm afraid of how it will come out in me. Don't like to talk about it. Especially to someone that has not gone through something like this. How would they know what I'm feeling. I did tell my sister I loved her all the time. I feared something would happen to her always. Just because I am that type of person. Worry all the time. She was here at my house at 10:00 pm one day and then we got a call at 2:00 am telling us that she was dead. She had been shot in the head and she was gone. I felt like it was just a bad dream and still do. Don't know what to do sometimes. I have turned to alcohol. Bad. I drank before, so now it has become worse. This happened on August 9, 2007. It seems like it happened yesterday. I know you are probably a busy person, as I am, but if you get a chance, please write back. Thanks.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on May 17, 2007 5:28:24 GMT -5
Dear sistersareforever, I'm very sorry about your Sister. Please know that most of us here have lost a loved 1 and/or friend to murder so we know what you're going through in many ways. Not all of us have lost sisters so we don't know 100% what you're going through, but we do in most ways because this same trauma has happened to us, just with different family and/or friends. As for alcohol, I can tell you it's a lie. Once you sober up, your problems will still be there. It's a distraction. I was already an alcoholic when the murders happened in my family and after that I really started it. It got me NOWHERE. It also affected my physical health with problems I still have. Please get help. Alcoholics Anonymous is a wonderful group that truly helps. The people I met there are wonderful and care, like on this board. I may be hard on you here, but I'm saying it because I know 1st hand the alcohol is a destroyer of body and mind. Please keep us updated on how you're doing. Take care.
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Post by taterfay on May 17, 2007 11:48:38 GMT -5
dear sistersareforever
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I have been in Europe for a couple of months and feel like I have been going a little crazy but I think I have needed to..still, I find myself being a little reckless and self destructive to ease the pain, so I can relate. Sending you love and hugs! Stacey
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Post by nightowl on May 17, 2007 14:58:34 GMT -5
(((((((((Liz))))))))), I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that my heart goes out to you & your family. You've had to endure 2 losses because of a brutal & violent man. I believe that your Sister & Dad are together in Heaven, and that they are watching over you & your family. Do you have a memorial website for your Sister & Dad? If so, I'd like to visit there if possible. You & your family are in my heart, thoughts & prayers. God Bless you always. Please remember that, your Sister knows how much you love her. nightowl
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