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Post by pumpkin12903 on Aug 13, 2005 9:36:29 GMT -5
The anniversary of the murders of my Dad and Grandma is this coming Monday, the 15th. I'll be honest, I don't feel like doing much of anything. It's a struggle to do what I need to do and at work to appear OK and concentrate on working, etc. It's this way every year. A mixture of sadness, grief, and how much I wish we could fully know what happened that day and the day before. The last time I saw my Dad I could tell he was upset about something and I thought "I'll ask him about it when I got home tonight". I had to get to work on time and that was the last time I saw him. Before this happens to us we think our loved 1's WILL be there when we get home from work. We do know some reasons for what happened, but not all of it. Wouldn't it be nice if there really were time travel, even if all we could do is just watch things happening. My personal opinion is he confronted my Mom about her mental illness, but we don't know this for sure. I think it's possible he had finally faced it, after their doctor visit the day before. On a positive note, I'm glad I'm still here, still sane and still sober. I've had the greatest amount of happiness and healing in the past nearly 6 years, and had some progress before that thanks to counseling, etc. But as all on this board know, it'll never leave you completely, and these anniversaries, birthdays, etc., you mostly feel sadness and grief and not wanting to do anything but exist. Thanks for listening.
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Post by joanwakefield on Aug 13, 2005 23:47:35 GMT -5
Laura,
I'm sorry about your grief. I'm very new to this experience... it's just barely been two months for me. I too, would like to know what really happened. That's part of what's really driving me crazy, and it's probably the same for you. I keep saying, if he died of a heart attack, I'd be on my way to healing by now. But wondering what happened in the final week, and especially the final day, is something that will never go away.
It's made me think a lot about the way I live my own life. I don't want my own children to go through this.
I'll think of you Monday ... my mother's pre-trial hearing is scheduled for that day. It also happens to be my sister's birthday. My busy mind will be especially busy on Monday. I'd be a lot more comfortable if it would just slow down a little.
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Post by Charlene on Aug 15, 2005 20:35:37 GMT -5
Hi Laura. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you on the sadiversary.
Charlene
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Post by joanwakefield on Aug 19, 2005 23:42:31 GMT -5
How are you, Laura? I've had a couple of really rough days, so I came here to check up on the rest of us. I hope you're doing okay.
J.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Aug 20, 2005 19:57:42 GMT -5
Hi Laura:
So, you managed to get through another anniversary, huh? It's really tough. Actually, even non-anniversary days are tough, too. Not all the time, but they sneak up on you. I remember not too long ago, my son got a surprise award at school during an honor roll ceremony. My heart was bursting with joy, but then a stab of sadness hit me when I realized that my Dad wasn't "there" to witness it, nor could I call him and tell him about it. (My mentally ill brother shot and killed my father on November 28, 2003). I just was talking to my Mom today about how unbelievable it is that's it's been almost two years since I've heard my Dad's voice. Take care of yourself. I hope you're doing better.
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