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Post by jazilynn on Oct 18, 2005 13:39:09 GMT -5
It's been alittle over 2months since my Dad was murdered.My brother was arrested about a week after the murder took place.According to the dectectives who was working the case,my brother confessed shortly thereafter.His charges were capital murder which means he could very well receive the death penalty.I really don't have any feelings about this yet,I guess I'm still dealing with grieving and the fact that my brother has yet to even ask to speak to me or offer an explanation, makes this tragedy more painful.I really don't know what I need my brother to say to me ,but I do feel he needs to tell me something,but knowing him I can't see any of this happening,since we barely got along.Which I beleive is still not an excuse,I DESERVE AN EXPLANATION,I NEED TO KNOW WHY HE DID THIS,HE DESTROYED OUR FAMILY AND TOOK SOMEONE PRECIOUS FROM THE REST OF OUR FAMILY.MY CHILDREN DON'T HAVE THEIR GRANDFATHER AND IT'S NOT FAIR.
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Post by ginger on Oct 18, 2005 13:48:43 GMT -5
Oh my. What a double tragedy. I'm so sorry.
Do you have the ability to speak to your brother? Be warned his attorney probably will not let you talk to him about what happened.
again, I'm so sorry.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Oct 19, 2005 10:04:55 GMT -5
Dear Jazilynn, I'm very sorry about your Father. I agree, it's not fair at all going through any of this. If I were you I'd also want to get an explanation. My Mother murdered my Dad and Grandma in 1990 and we all wanted an explanation. If you don't mind my asking, have you visited your brother? Has he allowed any visitors? If he has a lawyer you may want to see if the lawyer could arrange some type of meeting or correspondence, some kind of communication. If there's a victims' assistance office where you live they also might be able to help set something up. Parents of Murdered Children might also have info on how to deal with this. There's a link to them on this site. I mention the lawyer because the lawyers we had for my Mom would communicate sometimes between her and us. I'm glad you found this board. Please let us know what happens. Take care.
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Post by mattsma on Oct 19, 2005 12:56:21 GMT -5
hello jazilynn, :'(I am so sorry for your loss. I hope this will be a place that helps you deal with the tragedy. Take care and come back again soon. b-safe deb
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Post by judi on Oct 20, 2005 13:40:04 GMT -5
Hi Jazilynn. I'm sorry to hear you lost your dad. I hope you find this site helpful, it has been for me.
Judi
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Post by jazilynn on Oct 20, 2005 23:34:10 GMT -5
Thank you all for responding to my post.At this time I have not spoken to my brother,although he has talked by phone to a cousin who lives in the town where they are.I lived in SC,this all happened in Ala.My brother and I nevered had a close or even good relationship.I watched years of abuse he inflicted on both my parents.They felt that I was the responsible one who didn't need any help along life's way,but him they did everything for him to the point that he didn't want to do anything for himself.For example,my Mom died 9 years ago, my brother didn't bother to show up at the hospital until the mourning she passed away,while my Dad and I,my young children and my husband along with other relatives were there Everyday.Before my mother's schedule surgery,my Mom made me take notes at her bedside in the hospital,alot of what she wanted me to doI tried to do,like where she wanted to be buried what clothes she wanted to wear ,you know things like that ,but the last thing she said during this conversation was stay close to your father and give your brother the insurance policy meant for him and tell him to get out of the house.I didn't at that time have the heart to repeat that to my Dad because he was going through so much at the time.I never once said a word about what my brother said ,instead I tried to make my presenceknow to my brother to let him know that even though I was married ,with Kids and living else where that I was there to support my Dad and take care of him.It worked for awhile until my brother and I got into a huge fight and my Dad basically told my to let it be.I felt like he wanted my help but was to afraid to make waves ,my Dad didn't want myself or one of the kids to get help so I back off and eventually moved to SC.Still I keep in touch ,visited as often as I could and called.I wish I could have done alot more because I feel that if I kept my family down there maybe this wouldn't have happened. I don't know, all I know is that if my brother was angry at something I did he should have been Man enough to speak to me about it ,not take it out on our Dad who at 88 could barely get around.Well as you all can tell I'm just beginning to grieve and I'm still angry and not we have the grand jury hearing approaching and I just found out that the insurance policy has my brother as primary beneficiary( at least one)and in order for the policy to pay out I have to see my brother and convince him to change beneficiary over to me.This I feel will never happen and I'm trying to find someone who knows about how to go about this.I don't know where to turn to,I'm just stuck at this point.Any suggestions anybody.Thanks and God bless,Talk to youall soon
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Oct 21, 2005 10:06:09 GMT -5
Dear Jazilynn, I'm sorry to hear this about how your brother treated you and your Dad. It reminds me very much of some things that have gone on in my family, and still are to a degree. Your brother has some traits that my Mom had (who was the perpetrator in our case) in his inability/refusal to take full responsibility for his actions and being self-centered. My Mother had this on top of a genuine mental illness that she refused to get treatment for in the few years before the murders. I found that there's a Parents of Murdered Children group in your state. They don't have a website, but maybe the main phone # they can give you a phone # to them or something. They might be able to advise you on this life insurance issue. My family dealt a little with this, as my Grandma had some kind of insurance and it didn't go to my Mother because of what she had done, but went instead to my Mom's children. Have you called the insurance company? If they hear the circumstances maybe they can help in some way. Or you may want to talk to a lawyer. If you need the name of 1, you can call the bar association in your city. In our case I think the insurance company just went ahead and made that decision for us. I hope this info might help you. Please keep us updated. Take care.
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Post by jazilynn on Oct 21, 2005 11:11:41 GMT -5
Thank you for the advice but I'm afraid it was the insurance company who told me about the beneficiary.They also claim that there's no way possible that without the statement that they can do anything about it. You would think that inlight of the circumstances they would help me rectify the problem but all i'm getting is unsympathy from them.I have also had a number of people tell me to get a lawyer but at this point we don't have the funds for that.Also this policy is just the first one I dealt with .The others I'm still waiting on the death certificate to come to proceed.I think the hardest thing for me right now is all the waiting.I pray daily for patience(something I never had before) a true test.But I really believe this is just the beginning to my problems.Stay in the light and if the Lord is willing I'll talk to you all soon. Bless you .Jazilynn
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Oct 23, 2005 6:57:22 GMT -5
Dear Jazilynn, I hope I don't sound like a broken record here, but in the past I found lawyers who either take payments, or work on contingency, ie., when a settlment comes in or the case is resolved they take their fee out of that. I don't know if you city has a referral service, but it might be worth a try. The internet is a good tool to search for them. I've found some that way who work with people financially or take payment plans. Please keep us updated. Take care.
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Post by ginger on Oct 23, 2005 11:49:58 GMT -5
My husband was an attorney, and worked some on probate. That's what this is, a Probate case. Find an attorney in your local area that specializes in Estates and Probate matters. Most will take the case on a contingency fee. Your brother cannot under any law I've ever heard of benefit from the ins. policy because of what he did.
DO NOT take advice from the insurance company. Their job is to get the premium and KEEP it!!
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Oct 24, 2005 6:00:26 GMT -5
Dear Ginger, you're right about the insurance companies. I used to work for a health insurance company and yes this is their mentality, about denying stuff so they can save their money. 1 of my doctors said she thinks they just decide to deny claims for no good reason except to save their money. For her it's a pain she says as she doesn't have an assistant and does all her own paperwork.
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Post by ginger on Oct 24, 2005 7:29:11 GMT -5
It is the policy of some ins. companies to deny the claim at first blush, KNOWING full well that that will send alot away the first time they get the letter. You NEED to retain an attorney, I can't emphasize that enough!
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Post by wordup on Oct 25, 2005 20:05:44 GMT -5
hello Jaz, I too want you to know that I'm so so sorry to hear about the loss of your father, words can not say really how I feel about it all. I hate you have had to come here but yet happy that you have chosen to do so. I'm sorry I can't tell you anything about the insurance, but I do hope all will work out in your favor. I believe what has been said to you already is good information, I think it will be worth looking into, take care.
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