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Post by drewsmom595 on Jun 17, 2006 6:03:17 GMT -5
Well, it's 10 days to my mentally ill brother's trial for murdering my Dad. The State Attorney's office called me yesterday to make sure I got my subpoena. They told me they expect the trial will take at least a week!!!! I told them I couldn't take off a week from work just to sit in the witness room waiting to be called to testify, so they put me on standby...which means they will call me when they need me, and I have to get down to the courthouse within an hour. I really don't want to go through the trial. I just want to run away (I know I can't). I feel sick every time I think about getting up on the witness stand and talking about my Dad's murder and my brother's mental illness in front of complete strangers. These are things that are very painful for me to talk about even in private. During pretty much every post I've written on this board I end up with tears in my eyes while I'm typing. I hate the thought of breaking down in front of a courtroom full of people. Or worse, losing control and having a panic attack. I had my first panic attack the night of the murder, and though I haven't had another, I live in fear of them. They are so horrible that I feel like I'm suffocating. They make me feel so weak. I need to hold myself together for my son's sake. I just don't want to make this any worse or more traumatic for him.
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Post by mattsma on Jun 17, 2006 11:37:13 GMT -5
:-*Big hugs to you drewsmom, I know that the waiting is horrible, and the anticipation of the trial is emotionally draining. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and please keep us informed how everything goes. Believe it or not, your anxiety will level out after you take the stand. Tell the PA and your advocate about your fear of having another panic attack. I actually had the detective stand close to me, just in case I passed out. Good Luck take care & b-safe deb
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jun 18, 2006 10:13:27 GMT -5
I agree with Mattsma. I have days, too, when I just want to run away, run away to where my true family is, in another city. So I know what you mean to a degree. I'm sorry you're going to have to go through this. I also have panic disorder. Something that helps me when an attack is trying to start is to take deep breaths. When I get a full-blown attack, I also get the horrible fear. Mine is that I'm going to have a heart attack. I get chest pains with my attacks. If you don't mind my asking, are you on any medications for it and do you get regular treatment? Please know that we're here for you and that you'll be in my prayers. Please let us know how the trial is going and all. Take care.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jun 19, 2006 11:36:11 GMT -5
I have a little bottle of pills (xanax) that I carry around with me almost at all times. I almost never take them as I'm afraid of becoming addicted and, frankly, don't like to take medicine at all. They're like my security blanket...I feelbetter knowing they are at hand if I need them. I have only had one panic attack, and that was 2 1/2 years ago...the night I found out my Dad was murdered. But, now that I know that I'm prone to them in period of deep stress, I am afraid that they will happen again. 'The pills were prescribed by the psychiatrist who supervised the grief counselor that I saw periodically over the past two years. I go through spurts where I feel I need the extra support. I'll try the deep breaths...thanks for the advice.
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Post by taterfay on Jun 21, 2006 20:19:11 GMT -5
Hi drewsmom. I understand about the fear of having another panic attack. I have panic disorder and my panic is pretty much under control, but I also take klonopin (it's a lot like valium) on a regular basis and that helps keep the panic at bay. I would say that taking your valium before you have to testify (IF you do, that is) will help you to remain as calm as you can (which is easier said than done, I know)...I agree 100% with Pumpkin about the deep breathing. Hold your hand on your lower abdomen and breathe in deeply (you'll feel your hand and lower abdomen move ) and count to five and then exhale deeply (to the count of five) through your open mouth. It REALLY helps panic subside. Good luck, Sweetie!
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Post by dle7154 on Jun 21, 2006 23:08:28 GMT -5
Drewsmom,
As I have mentioned in past posts I had to testify in the trial of my brother in the death of my mother. Its something you know you have to do it, but your not sure you can get actually get through it.
For me the most difficult part of my testimony was facing my brother, those first few moments, identifying him as my mothers murdererer. I believe I found a certain amount of strength, after those first few minutes, in the belief that I was there for her, my mother. I was able to get throught that day because I was there for her. God Bless you.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jun 24, 2006 5:04:02 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful advice. I will certainly use every tip that you all shared with me during the upcoming week. Knowing there are others who have gone through what I'm going through is a significant source of strength for me. I don't feel so all alone. For that I am deeply grateful. You all are the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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toniann
Regular
Just a lil redneck
Posts: 384
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Post by toniann on Jun 24, 2006 8:13:13 GMT -5
Prayers with you!!!!! oxoxoxoxox toni
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jun 30, 2006 22:34:58 GMT -5
The jury's verdict just came back. My paranoid schizophrenic brother was found guilty of 1st degree murder and got sentenced to life in prison without parole. In a way, I am breathing a sign of relief that I will never have to fear for my life again (it came out at the trial that his delusions had changed since he went to jail and he was now fixating on me as his next victim). But I also feel sadness because my Dad is still gone and there's really no "closure" in this. Not for me anyway. It may be different if the murderer wasn't a close relative, but even then I'm not so sure.
I was very nervous before testifying at the trial. But somehow a sense of calm came over me and I was able to express myself better than I ever thought I could. I asked for extra help from God and my guardian angels to give me strength and protection, and I think they answered my prayers.
I also wanted to thank everyone who gave me support and advice. I couldn't have made it through this without all of you. Thank you for being there for me.
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Post by ginger on Jul 1, 2006 7:07:11 GMT -5
I'm glad that this part is over for you. I know how we were feeling last April when we were to have the first of our two trials. It was not good.
I'm sure your Dad is proud of you for the courage you showed in the face of your fear.
The whole 'closure' thing for me is a crock as well. Such a useless word bandied about.
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Post by mattsma on Jul 1, 2006 8:14:39 GMT -5
Hi drewsmom, I am so glad that you are breathing a bit easier now. I knew all along that you would do fine............ . that calmness is such a welcome friend when you least expect it. take care & b-safe deb
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 2, 2006 6:42:58 GMT -5
Thank you, all! You all are truly wonderful,caring people.
My victim advocate just called me. At the trial, there was a reporter from a daily newspaper who kept asking me for comment. I told her that I didn't want to talk about my crazy brother or my father's death, but if she ever wanted to do a story about how wonderful my Dad was -- as her newspaper never got the facts right about my Dad in the first place -- then I would speak with her. I never expected her to take me up on the offer as all this paper ever did was print sensational stories about my Dad's death and my brother's paranoid delusions.
The reporter talked with her editor and they want to do a story about my Dad. Or, at least that's what I'm being led to believe. I'm going to call the reporter and do the interview. I just hope I'm not being tricked by this reporter.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jul 2, 2006 6:51:25 GMT -5
Dear Drewsmom595, I knew you'd make it OK through the trial. I'm very glad for you in that you won't have the worries about your safety. This is something that you know all of us have when the perpetrator has a true mental illness, the concerns for our safety. I understand what you mean about closure. If there's any MVS's out there who are completely healed, I'd love to hear about them! I believe we're forever changed. I think of it all, every day, at least once. I'm glad you have a medicine you can use for the panic attacks. I've been on 1 since I was diagnosed and it's worked wonderfully. I've been in the "weaning off" process the past few years. What's held that up were unusual stresses, such as moving to a new city, etc. But my goal is to be OFF it as soon as I can. If you don't mind my asking, why do you think your brother wasn't found incompetent to be tried? From what you've said about his mental state, I found it shocking that he wasn't found mentally incompetent. Is he getting any treatment yet in prison? Please keep us updated and I hope with you that this reporter is for real about the story about your Dad. Take care.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 3, 2006 8:11:27 GMT -5
Pumpkin:
I have no idea why they found my brother competent. He truly did not understand that he wasn't coming home for the 4th of July barbeque (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I guess the only explanation is that we live in Florida, and unless you aren't barking like a dog or foaming at the mouth, they declare anyone competent. It truly is disgusting.
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Post by taterfay on Jul 12, 2006 19:25:19 GMT -5
drewsmom: I am so glad that you are done with this part of everything. I also think it's wonderful that you are going to do a story on what your dad was like. When I talked to reporters I always talked over and over again about the kind of person my sister was and I told them that I refused to talk about her relationship with her murderer or give much attention to him at all..I told them I wanted everything to be about SARAH. I hope the reporter treats you with dignity and respect. I was fortunate enough to have the press (for the most part) be VERY respectful of myself and my entire family! Good luck! Big Hugs! Stacey
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 13, 2006 5:33:52 GMT -5
The story on my Dad came out in the Sunday paper...front page of the local section. And it was WONDERFUL!!! The whole article talked about how my Dad never wanted to give up on my brother, and how the same qualities that made him such a great person and father (his caring, optimism and deep devotion to his family) contributed to his death -- because he felt putting my brother in a mental hospital was giving up on him. It was very cathartic for me to tell the truth and defend my Dad. I feel that he is very proud of me.
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Post by mattsma on Jul 13, 2006 8:01:40 GMT -5
hi drewsmom, Is there a link that you could share with us, for the story of your Father. I would like to read the article. (((((hugs)))))
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 13, 2006 18:00:14 GMT -5
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Post by taterfay on Jul 14, 2006 12:12:05 GMT -5
Wow, that is a really good article, Karen.
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Post by mattsma on Jul 14, 2006 19:29:35 GMT -5
:-*hi karen, That was a great article. I also wish they would have put the pictures in. It's nice to have a face to put with the name. ((((hugs)))))) deb
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Post by myamber20 on Jul 16, 2006 13:34:59 GMT -5
drewsmom i live in largo, florida. just off seminole blvd. howdy neighbor! ;D
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 18, 2006 5:29:15 GMT -5
I had no idea that we lived so close. It really is a small world.
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Post by meme on Jul 23, 2006 22:27:32 GMT -5
YOU WERE BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL FATHER!!! That is what a father should be, one with unconditional love for his children. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to open our hearts to an unbearable pain. That healing is suppose to make us stronger, that experience teaches us a higher spiritual level. I think as an MVS, we have enough spirituality lessons to last forever.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jul 24, 2006 3:07:19 GMT -5
You're right meme. I was truly blessed to have a wonderful, loving Dad. I miss his unconditional love and support, his wicked sense of humor...I just miss him. I know that he's still always by my side, but it's just not the same. I have grown much more spiritual since my Dad's death, but the growth was -- is -- so painful!!!!!!!!
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Aug 5, 2006 7:39:43 GMT -5
I find it sad and disgusting that Florida is as bad as Texas when it comes to mental competency. From all you've said on here, it's obvious your brother was incompetent. When will this ever change that truly mentally ill people will be recognized by the courts as such? It's an outrage. I'm still floored by the fact my Mother was found incompetent in Texas. The whole mentality of they're faking it, snap out of it, etc., does NOT help with this issue. It makes it a ton worse. This is a REAL issue that needs to be dealt with realistically by the courts. Another bad thing is the psychiatrists for hire, that will mold their findings to whatever side they're on for money. Anyway, I agree with you that it's disgusting how Florida is with the competency issue.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Aug 5, 2006 7:50:43 GMT -5
As usual, I agree with you pumpkin. I think the psychiatrists for both sides are really bad...they know which side hired them, so they mold their findings accordingly. That's what happened in my brother's case...but I know for a FACT that some of the prosecution psychiatrists NEVER even looked at my brother's extensive mental health files from his doctors. They did nothing more than talk with him for 20 minutes, collected their hefty fee, and deemed him "sane." Interestingly, NONE of the psychiatrists found that my brother was faking being paranoid schizophrenic...apparently there's a test to tell if you're faking being crazy.
I also think the general public needs to wake up to the fact that crazy people don't always look or act like total lunatics. Paranoid schizophrenics can look and act "normal," but they are as crazy as the wild-eyed, scraggly man who shouts obscenities in court and declares the devil made him do it.
I think there's a lot of mental illness in the general public that goes unrecognized and untreated. I see evidence of it every day. Road rage, child abuse, alcoholism, the list goes on and on.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Aug 22, 2006 14:36:52 GMT -5
God help us. I don't know if you followed the Aileen Wuornos case in Florida, but she only got 15 MINUTES with the psychiatrists! I was floored by this. It's in a documentary about her and I'd had no idea. You can't diagnose someone in 15 or 20 minutes! Our system is an outrage. I was the closest to my Mother besides my Dad when all happened, and all I remember was 1 phone call asking me about her (from 1 of the court doctors). I think it was less than 20 minutes. That was it. I don't know if they talked to the rest of the family, but with me that was it. Those that think the state mental hospital and prison is so cushy need to look at the facts. There's truly mentall illl people in them that aren't getting the right or enough treatment, as you've said about your brother before on here. Like you said, there's many doctors who will "take a side". Psychiatry can be subjective to a degree, unfortunately. I agree with you on there's many mental illnesses. When I was drinking, I wasn't in my right mind. I functioned and held down a job, but my health, relationships, and the rest were a sick mess in many ways. I'm not surprised by what you've said about the competency process in your case. That they didn't even look at the earlier medical records just goes to show how little they care about these people. Thanks for listening.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Aug 22, 2006 18:13:09 GMT -5
I did follow the Aileen Wuornos case, but I did not rent the movie that Charlize Theron starred in that portrayed her. One of these days, I do plan on seeing the movie. I agree with you that you can't diagnose someone in 15 minutes. I'm telling you, the more I learn about the mentally ill in prisons, the more disgusted I become. The sad part is that most people don't care. We treat animals better than we treat most human beings in prison. I defy anyone who thinks prison in Florida with NO air conditioning, poor medical and no mental health treatment is cushy to give it a try for one day. Thanks for listening.
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Post by wordup on Aug 23, 2006 3:09:35 GMT -5
I was not going to reply on the subject, but I think I will, because I happen to be on the recieving end on this thing and I didn't know this guy to have been what they said he was, I think you all have a point, and one would have to have delt with these issues to understand them, the truth is, I had to take my self to school and visit many site just to try and understand the little I do know about Mental Illiness. I can agree with what you guys are saying, But what I have concluded after reading all of your post. The question is not if they are sick most time the family is the first to know. it is how the system work, they are not set up in the way that is needed for those who are truly sick, I said truly because I know for a fact that there are does who have played the system(checks) and yes they will tell you what to say and how to say it, This is sick but then again we are living in that time, people will do anything and say anyting, therefore it is not a surprise that it is not taking a long time to diagnose someone. Ok in my case the guy killed before, he went to the hospital( not guilty by reason of insanity) Like you guys it was a murder within the family. this time it was my grandson, then where now should he be? He is in prison, but should he be there? They said he was sick the first time, and the same this time.
Ok let's just say he shouldn't be in prison. where then would he fit, I'm told today he is fine, I'm thinking to myself that is good, But I'm not, My baby is gone.not only that, there is a woman who is going around with a petition, wanting to go before the Senate here in Houston texas who doesn't think Yate and the one that murderd my grandson should be in prison.
My thing on this, is this, I feel what you guys are saying, I can also understand somewhat how you must feel, because you have first hand knowledge about your love one, I'm thinking it all come back to the way the system is set up, there is nothing really in place to really ensure us that the guy will not murder a third time, then what will we do, keep him look up in prison or in the hospital? I don't know, I'm just saying. What I do know is this really scares me to know that I really can't say I'm at ease because he is locked up. He could get out for some twisted reason, Then what? I mean this is an issue that really needs to be dealt with. It just seem to be no real solution, but Is there? Just thought I would post on this, and it is not meant to be taken in a way that is neg, I'm writing from my heart, and there is no anger involved. I'm sorry that you guys had to go through what you have, It just affect both sides of the families when you are dealing with issues such as these. take care all.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Aug 25, 2006 18:45:48 GMT -5
Taterfay:
I'm not an expert or anything, just someone who has a severely mentally ill brother who killed my father, and who is now in prison for life. And I don't have all the answers, just opinions. And frankly, some of my opinions on mentally ill murderers are still being formed. I just think that our prison system in Florida (I can't speak for the rest of the country) isn't designed to house and take care of very, very mentally ill inmates. It is an underfunded system designed to house, rather than treat well people, not severely mentally ill people. My brother hasn't seen a psychiatrist yet...and he was sentenced on June 30 of this year. He gets his medicine when he is able to stand in a long line in the hot sun...sometimes the line is as long as 300 inmates and my brother can't stand for that long so he goes without his psychiatric medicines.
My point is that the systems in Florida aren't designed to take care of a person like my brother. There are mental hospitals for mentally ill murderers who are found not guilty by reason of insanity, but a shortage of bed space. Murderers are going free in less than two years because some psychiatrist deems them "healthy" enough to be set free...most likely because there's so many other sickos out there who need the bed space more. What kind of justice is that?
No one wants their tax dollars to go for beefing up the mental health hospitals or for mental health treatment in prisons. There's just no sympathy for prisoners. But what people don't realize is that we all end up paying for an under-funded prison and mental health system. We pay with people's lives...your grandson being one of them.
We need more mental health hospitals, more parity so insurance companies treat mental illness more equivalent to physical illness, better mental health treatment in prisons and mental hospitals so prisoners, when they are released, don't go out and murder the first person they see on the street corner. And we need longer mandatory sentences for mentally ill people who murder...period. That's just my opinion.
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