|
Post by meldog79 on Jan 8, 2007 17:02:21 GMT -5
hi my name is Melanie and i really need support. it was September 4th 2006, that i lost my brother, mother and child to a horrible tragedy. it was my brother that took my 2 and half year old son and my mother from me with an Axe, then went and jumped into ongoing traffic. he committed suicide. he was sick i would say or crazy. I'm blaming myself because i never thought he would do such a thing. my husband did not trust him yet i did. he kept telling me not to take keoni around him. the thing was is that my brother lived with my mother and keoni loved being with her and staying the night. my mom thought it was safe so i did too. unfortunately it wasn't. they were both sleeping in bed that Sunday night when he came in a hit them with an Axe 6 times each. i only wish i had never taken him that night.there were so many other nights that were safe, but that one turned out to be my worst nightmare. we had tried to do an alcohol and drug intervention the night before this happened and my brother seemed fine and it took some persuading but he agreed. the night he took their lives i was searching for a good place for him. now I'm left with much pain, guilt and this horrible tragedy. has anyone else here lost someone because of meth, turned meth psychosis? please help if you can.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 8, 2007 18:34:27 GMT -5
Dear Meldog79, I'm so sorry about your brother, Mom, and child. I'm glad you found this board. There's a lot of great people here that are always willing to listen and help. In my familys' case, there wasn't meth involved. Untreated mental illness, medical malpractice, and a history of verbal/emotional abuse were. I know that meth is evil poison, though, from things I've seen about it on TV. My Dad and Grandma were murdered by my Mother in 1990. Right now you're in the hardest stage of this all, the immediate aftermath. Please don't blame yourself. I know how you feel about that, though. I felt the same way in the beginning and for years after. I went to my psychologist at the time and told her something my Mom had told me before she did it. She said it wasn't enough to have her committed or arrested. It was a huge relief to hear that. The fact that an intervention was tried for your brother shows your family DID care and made the efforts. I commend you for that. 1 of the biggest tragedies in life is when people don't get help no matter how much we do. In the end, we can only do so much. The different emotions you're feeling now are normal for what you've been through. I'm glad you found this board and please keep us updated. Take care.
|
|
|
Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 8, 2007 20:10:00 GMT -5
Hi Melanie:
I got chills reading your post, as there are so many similarities between what happened to you and what happened to me. My brother murdered my father three years ago. Like you, I had held an intervention with my parents, pleading with them to get my brother out of their house. But they wouldn't believe that he could be a danger to himself or others. Like your brother, my brother medicated himself with drugs and alcohol. But my brother was a paranoid schizophrenic as well. Did your brother have any mental illness?
And like you, I feel guilt and blame myself for what my brother did. I've had quite a bit of therapy and many people tell me that I shouldn't feel guilty. And sometimes I believe them. The truth is that only your brother is responsible for his actions. It is incomprehensible to anyone that someone you love could murder someone else that you love. If you were truly convinced that your brother was going to kill your Mom and child, of course you would've done everything in your power to keep them from harm's way. But you really didn't know. You're not a psychic and you didn't have a crystal ball. So NO ONE should be blaming you. It's not your fault.
Have you considered getting some counseling? It's not for everyone, but it really helped me quite a bit. This board is also a good place to come to post questions, and to vent. I'll always be here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on.
|
|
|
Post by wordup on Jan 8, 2007 22:43:47 GMT -5
Hello Melanie, I felt sadden after reading your post, Unlike Drewsmom and Pumpkin I lost my gradson to his brother's father,I was told he had a mental issue and learned so much more about him after the murder. well I did a lot of searching, asked alot of question and read many post here about those who have those issues, I understand, yet my feeling remain those of one who lost their love one at the hand of someone that had not been dignoised.
I know it has to be hard on you, as I blamed myself, for not knowing about this guy or that my babies was ever in danger, all came to late for me to intervene, This does hunt me to this day. I know there was nothing I could do about something I didn't know, but as a mother, just seem like I was suppose to sense something, I did but it was not the sense of something like what caused me so much pain.
You are still in the early stage of loosing such a great loss, and I just want you to know that we do understand, I hope you will come back and just vent, You talk we will listen, If I can be of help to you in anyway please feel free to post on private it is all left up to you. Eighter way we're all here for you.
|
|
|
Post by wordup on Jan 8, 2007 22:45:08 GMT -5
Oh I forgot to say welcome to the board, you are now among family, Take care
|
|
|
Post by taterfay on Jan 10, 2007 14:33:05 GMT -5
Hi melanie:
I was so saddened to read your post. You must be going through absolute hell right now. It has only been a little over 3 months since this tragedy occurred and I can only imagine how raw and surreal it all still feels. I imagine that feeling guilt over what happened is a very normal part of grief, but I'd like to say that if you can..please try not to blame yourself. As others have said, the blame is entirely on your brother. My sister's boyfriend beat her to death (about a year ago) when she was 7 1/2 months pregnant. Luckily her child survived..her boyfriend was definently an alcoholic and mentally ill but I truly blame him for murdering her and all the other abuse he put her through in their relationship. I hope your husband is a big support to you as are friends and other family members. Please remember that almost any emotion you experience with grief is normal and that there is NO TIME LINE in "getting over it"..you won't get over it, but you will slowly get wade through some of the horrible muck. I wish you the best of luck and wish I could do more than that. Coming here to vent or to help others has been a godsend for me. I also lost my mother only 10 months after my sister (my mother died from cancer but probably would have been more of a fighter if her daughter had not been killed)....once again..I am SO SORRY.
|
|
|
Post by tamècasmom on Jan 10, 2007 16:23:18 GMT -5
Melanie,
Sad but true, welcome. Every time I see a new member my heartaches because I know there is another person in a tremendous amount of pain due to murderous hands.
As stated in other posts you are in the beginning of this process called grief, which will bring many emotions and yes everyone you feel is real. I am so happy you found this site it has been nothing lest than a miracle for me but it saddens me to know you had to find this site. Without this site I would have felt so alone even though I was surrounded by people who loved me and was grieving as well. There was something about this site that brought and still brings me some peace in my otherwise turmoil heart and I pray it does the same for you.
Do not expect too much from yourself, allow yourself to take the necessary time to cope with your tremendous losses.
Remember when you cannot sleep this site is here for you, remember when you think no one is listening this site is here for you, remember when you think no one understands this site is here for you. Remember when you need to vent, this site is here for you.
Try to remember to take care of you the best you can during this most difficult time in your life.
|
|