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Post by gladriel on Jan 24, 2007 14:00:35 GMT -5
Hello to all my old friends here! Its been almost a yr since I've been on this site. I need to vent or I'll scream! My father was murdered March 13th 1983 with a 410 rifle 36 inches away from his head with me there. It was his common law wife Viola LeBlanc this happened in Haileybury Ontario. I was only 17 and 6 mths pregnant at the time and now I'm 42. His birthday is Feb 10th and here we go again!!! I have been diagnosed with PTSD but now what? Nothing helps unless someone has the power to erase that image from my head nothing helps. The image I have is well.....I wouldn't want anyone to even have to imagine it, the walls the ceiling the table where he was sitting and most of all HIM. You would think after all these yrs it wouldn't hurt as much or just get over it. My brain anyhow doesn't work like that it remembers like it was yesterday. I try to pretend it doesn't bother me or March 13th is just another day in the yr, but it isn't. I always cut that date out of every calendar in my house but it still seems to come. I sometimes feel like it wasn't me there that night it seems as though that girl doesn't exist anymore and I'm here in her place. I know that it seems crazy but its true. Why can't I get that picture out of my friggin head? Keep busy they say.....rest they say.....cry they say...don't think about they say....but THEY didn't see what I saw.If anyone has been thru this and know of anything I can do pls help me.....I'm lost and going further and further away. Thanks for listening .......... Gladriel
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Post by wordup on Jan 24, 2007 17:18:13 GMT -5
welcome back Gladriel, I remember you, and I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time, I understand what you are saying, I still have vision about what we went through, no one told me this will stop or would continue, I think it is continuing trying to find a way to deal with it, I could say find theorpy but I didin't do it myself. you sound like you have went through all of that, Let me ask you, does it help you in any way when you do come here and vent? If so this could be a good thing for you to just come and talk out how you are feeling with those who understand them and know first head about the pain ect... if I can be of help, do call on me, Hang in there.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 24, 2007 19:07:31 GMT -5
Hi gladriel: I went to a grief counseling center that specialized in murder and traumatic loss. They did something called EMDR == eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It's been proven effective with helping lessen disturbing thoughts and images associated with post traumatic stress disorder. My brother murdered my father right in front of my mother. She, too, couldn't get the image of my Dad out of her head. But she underwent EMDR and it helped her greatly. It's also helped me. Here is a website about it. www.emdr.com/
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Post by taterfay on Jan 25, 2007 13:43:40 GMT -5
wow, drewsmom..that is really interesting. I've never heard of EMDR. Gladriel: I am so sorry to hear that you can't get the images out of your head...I can relate to that. My sister wasn't murdered in front of me, but we had to keep her (she was totally braindead after the attack) on life support for 2 weeks because she was 7 1/2 months pregnant and we wanted the baby to have a fighting chance. I went to Hawaii (where the murder happened) and it was very hard seeing my braindead sister lying there on the hospital bed. By the way, the baby is now a little over a year old and doing great. He is being raised by my brother. I also recently (4 months ago) watched my mother die (in my home) from ovarian cancer...I have a hard time erasing the images of her last 12 hours....so, I really, really feel for you!! I have found with time that the images don't come as frequently, or that when they do, I don't immediately start sobbing...but time doesn't necessarily help everybody, that is for sure! take care of yourself!! Please keep coming here to vent!! This might sound strange, but, one way I was able to redo the images of my sister in the hospital in my head was that I imagined her waking up, getting off the bed and walking out of the room...that helped a little...I don't know if you could change the image into another "ending" in order to bring some comfort to yourself...I hope that makes sense?! Hugs, Stacey
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 26, 2007 6:47:15 GMT -5
I remember you, too, and am glad to see you back! I also have the PTSD and when I was diagnosed I was in counseling and was put on anti-depressant not long after starting the counseling. Both have worked great. The treatment Drewsmom mentioned I've heard another person mention and I think it's WONDERFUL it's out there. If you don't mind my asking, are you under the care of a doctor for the PTSD? We can get better, thank God! The images thing: what I do when they come is will them out of my mind. I say to myself change subjects. Also will do something to distract my mind, like listen to music, watch a movie, go online, something to keep my concentration. I also pray about the images and ask God to help me cope. Hope our info will help you and please keep us updated. Take care.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 26, 2007 6:50:03 GMT -5
Dear gladriel, there's a calendar section on here where we can post the birthdays and sadiversaries of our loved 1's. I know it helps me to post these as the support we get from the others on here on those very hard days can be a help.
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