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Post by kknoahmom on Jan 25, 2007 1:48:50 GMT -5
My Grandma was the greatest lady ever. She was murdered (strangeled) by my mothers husband 3 years ago. How does this happen to someone who always gave so much? I am so lucky to have all the fantastic memories (ex..the never ending supply of ice cream, toast gravy, and watching wrestling on sunday mornings..come on, how many gramas do that I miss her so much. This is still one messed up situation in my family even after all this time. When does it start to get better? The brutal way she passed haunts me everyday. Grandparents are not supposed to go that way. I want the pain to stop. I want to know that shes okay!!! I think the worst part is, the man killed himself before he was arrested (only 2 months before). This was after a 2 year wait for evidence. i want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by taterfay on Jan 25, 2007 14:04:24 GMT -5
Hi kknoahmom:
I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma. She was obviously a wonderful lady from your description and I, too, never understand why "bad things happen to good people"...I still don't understand why my sister's boyfriend (ex now) had to beat her to death when she was 7 1/2 months pregnant with his child. I don't think any of us will ever be able to understand what goes through the minds of these violent killers. Grief is a hard, long road, it seems and I am so sorry you have to go down it..it sucks! It would be reallly frustrating to not have a trial to get some sort of justice (not that it would ever bring closure). You asked "When does it get better?" I wish I had an answer to that. My sister has only been dead a little over a year...I'm happy that I at least don't feel like I'm living in some creepy horror movie anymore...my pain/grief feels less raw but I still cry at least once a week....Going to counseling has helped a little. Venting on this board has helped A LOT...even going to a grief support group has helped somewhat. I want to scream and break things alot when I feel anger towards all the chaos that has been in my life since Nov. 25, 2005 (my mom died of ovarian cancer just 4 months ago and that has been a living hell for me as well as my sister's murder)....Recently I've started shredding paper (newspapers, old magazines, etc.) when I needed to get out some of the rage and it surprinsgly has helped me (and I havent' destroyed any of my possessions, etc.)...I send you many, many cyber Hugs! Stacey
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Post by wordup on Jan 25, 2007 22:49:31 GMT -5
I agree with what Stacey has said, and I do understand what you are saying, it is hard to get it out of your system, those memories of the good time does help to get some sense of balance when those painful one come up, I'm so sorry for what you have lost, grandma's are special people. hang in there, Take care.
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 26, 2007 6:37:12 GMT -5
I agree with Wordup and Taterfay. I know when I die my 1st question is "what is the ultimate WHY of what happened in my family"? I had to pray about this some years back that if I can't find out the answer to the above in THIS life to give me peace until I can in the next life. All of us on here have these wonderful memories of our loved 1's who were murdered. I can tell you it's a blessing, as we have those always to remember. Counseling I think has done the most good for me, also coming on this board and others, writing, talking to understanding friends and family, going to Parents of Murdered Children meetings, and church counseling. Please know we're here for you and we can all vent on here as much as we need to. Take care.
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Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 26, 2007 6:59:03 GMT -5
Your grandma sounds like she was one really cool, fun, sweet lady. It's only natural to feel the way you do and to want to know that she's O.K. From what you've told me about her, I am very confident that she's in Heaven looking over you and experiencing total joy and peace.
There is no explanation that we can understand about why murder happens to good people. Not in this lifetime anyway. But from my experience, you can also choose to learn from it if you apply yourself. In my case, I've chosen to never take those closest to me for granted, to say I love you more, and to rearrange my life to focus on the things that are most important to me. I no longer have this high powered job with an hour and a half commute anymore. In the grand scheme of things, it just wasn't worth it to me anymore. I now have a job making less money, but so much greater satisfaction. In many ways, my life is better because of all the changes I've made after my Dad's murder. I still cry a lot and I will always miss him and have this huge hole in my heart. Some days really suck, and some are O.K.
What helped me a lot (besides counseling) was to read books about spirituality and near death experiences. Those books brought me great peace as they described Heaven in such a wonderful way. I now know that if my Dad can't be here with me on this Earth, I'm really glad that he's in a place where there's so much joy, peace, and love. And that someday I will see him again.
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Post by tamècasmom on Jan 26, 2007 7:57:46 GMT -5
Kknoahmom,
From reading your post I know your grandma was a wonderful woman and grandmother. I am so sorry you loss her to a murder’s hand, how unfair.
Will this madness ever stop, each time I read about a horrible murder on this site I think to myself well it cannot get any worse than this and then another MVS post’s their story and it does get worse.
I cannot begin to tell you what to do to erase the horrible memories in your head, but I can tell you we are here for you and do not hesitate to post. As stated in earlier all of us MVS have tried one way or another to find some relieve from the horribleness of grief and we discovered through reading posts everybody grieves differently therefore they need different solutions to help them make it from day to day. I can tell you from my personal experience everything I did up to this point have helped somewhat but this site has been the most helpful.
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