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Post by drewsmom595 on Dec 15, 2007 7:27:09 GMT -5
For those of us who've had a family member murdered by another family member, family gatherings and the holidays can be especially difficult. In my family, there's so many conflicting opinions and feelings towards my brother (who killed my Dad), that I actually avoid seeing my extended family.
I'll be celebrating Christmas as best I can at my house, with my husband, son and Mom. My relationship with my Mom is strained at best, but I'll try to enjoy the holiday even with her in the room.
Christmas is always very difficult because there's empty chairs at the table, and memories of past holidays that are hard to forget.
I also get jealous when I see people with intact families who seem to have perfect lives, and picture perfect holidays.
I also want to vomit when I read some of the Christmas letters I get. Reading a month-by-month accounts of their travels and their perfect, happy news always somehow makes me feel inadequate as I struggle with the reality of my life.
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Post by taterfay on Dec 15, 2007 12:39:12 GMT -5
I really hate those impersonal "What we did this year" Christmas letters, too! Even if I don't say anything much I like to handwrite a message in each of my christmas cards.
I'm not going to be with any of my own family for Christmas. I'll be with Larry's family in Arizona, which I am looking forward to. Because I don't associate them with Sarah or my mom and because I have never met them before I think this Christmas will be easier (and more fun) than the last few years.
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Post by meldog79 on Dec 16, 2007 20:23:52 GMT -5
i feel you girl, i cant stand the perfect families , the ones that have all members. my family is pretty frail. lost all my grandparents, lost my favorite aunt, my son, brother and mother. my father is a dead beat so dont have him either. its just me and my husband. the rest of my family have fallen apart. i have an aunt who feels to sorry for herself to be there for me, i have a cousin who talks nothing but but crap on my husband which is no support for me. the rest well are her brothers and they support her. my husbands family is horrible for support too. my son and mother also my brother were really my only family, the best and now they are gone, so holidays will forever be empty and crappy. it is still too hard to celebrate, i did get a tree for my mom and son but thats as far as i can go, way to hard. we have no other children so its pretty empty. hopefully someday it will get better, and i hope the best for all of you this holiday season too.
melanie
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Post by rblanton2159 on Dec 30, 2007 4:58:30 GMT -5
Drewsmom,
My niece was not murdered by a family member but I can tell you that the holidays are horrible anyway. I moved away from the family 10 years ago for numerous reasons. Always going back for the holidays. Amanda was murdered over Thanksgiving 7 years ago but I still continued to go home for the holidays. My family is Jewish but we celebrated during Christmas because my parents anniversary was December 25th. I say was because my dad just passed away this year. I don't think it makes a difference but the holidays just suck, plain and simple. I did not go home this year because I just could not bear to see my mom. Our relationship is not the best but also not the worst. I saw a part of her die when Amanda was murdered, her health went downhill as did my dad's. They grew very old very quickly. This would have been their 59th wedding anniversary. Yes, they lived a good life and had many years together but I do believe the murder of my niece has taken its toll on the entire family. The holidays, no matter which ones you celebrate will never be the same. Make the best life you can for you and the ones you love. The people who tell you about their great lives, travels and such during such a hard time have no idea what it does to you. Personally, I wouldn't even open the mail.
Take care and be at peace with yourself, Amanda's Aunt Randy
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