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Post by meldog79 on Dec 16, 2007 20:32:47 GMT -5
i was wondering if anyone else her lost their only child to murder. im struggling with wanting another baby, but im not sure if i want another baby or its just me wanting my son back, more so i think its wanting my son back. my counciler and others keep telling me that having another child could help me, nature nutures they say. what do you all think/ im struggling with my husband to, he for sure isnt ready, i cant even talk to him about it. it sucks i was the only one out of all my friends who had a child, now four of them are pregnant and they are all having boys, how wonderful, but horrible for me. can anyone give me advice, im so confused and still so newly in the grieving process.
melanie
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Dec 17, 2007 8:31:49 GMT -5
Dear Melanie, I wish I could help you, but I've never had a child. Hopefully, there's others on here that can give you advice. I'm sorry for what you're going through. Take care.
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Post by taterfay on Dec 17, 2007 14:01:22 GMT -5
Hi sweetie:
I would wait. You will know when you are ready again and want to have another child (not because you miss your son so dearly but because you are truly ready to have another child..same goes with your husband)...I can only imagine how sad it must be to see your friends all around you pregnant while you are grieving. You want to be happy for them (and I am sure part of you is) but it also probably just digs the knife into your heart just a little deeper. I've never had a child but we are in the process of trying to conceive....I'm really looking forward to being a mom:) I don't know how old you are but I am 38 and I feel like my time is running out:)
Good luck!! You'll know when it is the right time. It obviously isn't now:) They also say that someone that has gone through what we've all gone through should wait AT LEAST one year before making any major decisions (moving, buying a new house, having a child, etc.) and that sort of makes sense to me.
Big Hugs! Stacey
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Post by drewsmom595 on Dec 18, 2007 5:27:30 GMT -5
Hi Melanie:
Only you know for sure where you are in the grieving process, but my advice is that since you have to ask us what we think, then you'll probably still not ready. I know it's been slightly over a year for you since your brother murdered your son, but it sounds like you still need to do some concentrating on you for a while.
Being pregnant causes your hormones to go wild, and with it, your emotions. It's hard enough to make it through some of the bad days, without the added stress of being pregnant.
I do think counseling will help you know when the time is right, and when this new child can be loved for just being himself, and not because he or she will be a replacement for the child that you have lost so tragically.
The fact that your husband isn't ready emotionally should also give you some pause, in my opinion.
I hope this was helpful. Best wishes to you!!!
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Post by rblanton2159 on Dec 30, 2007 4:49:58 GMT -5
Melanie,
I lost my niece 7 years ago to murder. She was the first niece, no nephews at the time and first grandchild in our family in 14 years. I babysat her while my sister worked for the first 3 years of her life. We grew very close and she was more then a niece to me. She was the baby sister I never had. When my son was born, Amanda babysat him for quite awhile. When Amanda was murdered I felt like I had lost my child. I only have one child who will be 18 this coming year and graduating high school. He was 10 when Amanda was taken from us.
I believe that when you are ready you will know it. You cannot replace a child with another but you can certainly love another. It does seem like your husband needs more time. Even though Amanda was not my child, there were times in the past 7 years that I wish I could have gotten pregnant again and had a little girl but I realized that nobody will ever replace her and that is what I was trying to do. She is in my heart and soul every day and just knowing that makes it a bit easier.
Take care of yourself and your husband first. Time will help make the decision for both of you.
Amanda's Aunt Randy
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Post by friends4ever on Jan 2, 2008 2:06:39 GMT -5
Melanie,
Losing a child is hard and you are the only one who can really know whether it is time to have another.
My sister had a daughter who dies from SIDS when she was 1 month old, I know it isnt the same as a murder but she lost a child as well, she was never the same and for 14 years she grieved. It wasn't until her son's wife had her grandson that she was able to move on and actually live life again. If she had been able to she would have had another child but she had her tubes tied when her daughter was born. You'll know when you are ready.
Melinda
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toniann
Regular
Just a lil redneck
Posts: 384
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Post by toniann on Jan 11, 2008 15:31:52 GMT -5
Go for it! whether or not your son had been murdered ...your clock is telling you its time......You need a BABY TO HOLD!!!!! I can tell you ,as can others, there is nothing more sincere than a baby's love....YOU MORE THAN ANYONE needs that honest and innocent love!....I have no reservations on my advice here. Ask the board members, I dont usually give advice. this is to serious for me to pass up. If you dont YOU WILL BE SORRY! It will be too late before you know it! Empty arms with no-one too hold is worse than anything I can possibally imagine.........Have another BABY......maybe two! You NEEd THE LOVE! May God be with you! toni
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