|
Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 12, 2008 18:35:50 GMT -5
If you were about to inherit a house that is totally paid off (no mortgage payments whatsoever), but it was the house that your loved one was murdered in...would you sell the house? Or would you move into the house because you could basically live there without having to pay any mortgage payments?
|
|
|
Post by carolyn on Jan 12, 2008 18:58:53 GMT -5
If you were about to inherit a house that is totally paid off (no mortgage payments whatsoever), but it was the house that your loved one was murdered in...would you sell the house? Or would you move into the house because you could basically live there without having to pay any mortgage payments? I would sell the house. No doubt about it. The house would bring me painful memories. The tragedy is so vivid in all our minds anyways, mine it is. I would think that it would be a soort of bad omen to live there and maybe disrespectful, I don't know.
|
|
|
Post by cthewig on Jan 13, 2008 4:29:05 GMT -5
If I inherit my father's house, I will probably rent or sell it.
I don't think that I can live in my father's house. I believe that the negativity would be detrimental to my health. The neighbors know what happened in the house. I certainly don't want to be associated with it. I also don't want to be constantly reminded of it. I need to move on and living in the murder scene would impede my healing.
The economy is bad and getting worse though. Owning a home without a mortgage will likely be a safe haven in the next few years. Houses aren't really selling these days anyways let alone one in which a murder took place.
|
|
|
Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Jan 13, 2008 7:19:48 GMT -5
If it were sold, you could buy another similarly valued house for cash, and have no mortgage.
This is just a guess on my part, but if you are thinking it will upset you already (and you seem to be since your are asking about it), there is a very good chance that it will bother you.
When I was buying a house for my girls and myself years ago, we were looking at them together. The first one I found that I really liked, my oldest daughter got a really bad feeling while we were there. None of us even knew why, but she was really disturbed. We just kept looking. I don't know why it upset her so much, but if it did for whatever reason, then I would never have thought it could be a place that would really feel like the haven from cares and worries that I would have wanted our home to be.
That house did sell, and had the new people in it by the time we were in ours; it was not far from where we did buy another. It just didn't get sold to us.
I say no reason to add to things to be upset about. We have more than enough of that already.
If you already have access to it, go for a few times. See how it feels to be there. Perhaps you will be surprised and it will spur the good memories from there? I don't think we know until we are there.
But either way, you could have a house without a mortgage, whether it is that one or not. There is also the option of simply renting it for a few years too, until the market recovers a bit. That would give you more time to decide.
|
|
|
Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 13, 2008 8:06:13 GMT -5
The house in question is my parents house. It's also the house the I grew up in, and the house that my brother killed my Dad. My Dad actually built the house himself. Right after he was murdered, I had a very hard time going in the house for a very long time. My Mom refuses to move, so over the past 4 years, I've had to go into the house several times each week. It's gotten easier to be in the house, and sometimes I feel like I can feel my Dad's comforting presence in the house. But it's still where he died, and it still bothers me. My Mom isn't doing too well health-wise, and my husband and I were talking about what to do with the house after she dies. The real estate market couldn't be worse, and my husband said that if we could move into the house for two years, we wouldn't have to pay capital gains tax when we sell it, which could be substantial. He also said that we could do a lot of traveling with the money that right now goes to paying the mortgage on our house -- which is just 5 houses away from my parents' house. My Mom's house is worth considerably more than mine. I know the logical thing would be to move into the house, but I think it would be emotionally challenging for me to live there -- even for just 2 years. I would like to move away where no one knows about the murder, and moving into the house would put me at ground zero.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 13, 2008 8:18:40 GMT -5
Dear Drewsmom, I don't think it would be good for your mental/emotional health to live there. It's going to remind you of your trauma all the time. I lived where the murders happened in my family and was THANKFUL that I couldn't have stayed there for financial reasons at the least. I lived with my parents so it was a 2 bedroom apartment. There was no way I could have afforded it on my own. I was living there temporarily anyway, until I got college finished. Even IF I'd made the money to be able to stay there, there's no way I would have. Just driving by there gets me VERY upset. I never went back once we'd packed up everything, etc. I know it gives you a good financial deal, but is that worth it considering the upset you have every time you go in there now? Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. The housing market is horrible right now and I'm very sorry you have to deal with that. Take care.
|
|
|
Post by tamècasmom on Jan 13, 2008 15:40:43 GMT -5
Dear Drewsmom,
I feel for you, here you are having a hard time making a decision that would be easy if you were not a MVS. In my humble opinion I say rent the house if at all possible since as stated by others this is not a time to sell. I agree with others that living in the house will more than likely constantly remind you of your loss loved one. I know from reading your post you have good/warm memories from before the murder of your love one however, I really believe the ugly will overpower the good. That is why I say rent until you can sell.
Once again I am so sorry your loss has put you in this position.
|
|
|
Post by tamècasmom on Jan 13, 2008 16:06:55 GMT -5
My earlier post was mainly my emotional point of view. My business point of view says take a loan out in the amount of any outstanding loans you have open right now. This is a good time to get a loan from a bank because of the current market. Make the house your rental property then on your taxes next year you can write off the interest on the loan. You can also write off depreciation and other things like loss of rent, if there is any. Whereas if you have a car loan your interest money goes down the drain plus other interest money can change into write-off money.
Tamecasmom
|
|
|
Post by taterfay on Jan 13, 2008 21:22:56 GMT -5
It is hard to say for me what I would do. I'd probably have a hard time living there, yet, you said that over time it has gotten easier to go there and that you feel your fathers loving presence there sometimes, so maybe you could handle it much easier than you realize. Ultimately you will know what you need to do the more you contemplate it! Go with your gut instinct, obviously! What a hard decision! Good luck, sweetie!
|
|
|
Post by tamècasmom on Jan 14, 2008 12:32:56 GMT -5
Drewsmom,
My business post was based on my business knowledge, we have rentals and had them for over 20 years so I was not guessing I was stating facts.
When my daughter was murdered she was buying her home, if she lived in the same state as me I would have made her home a rental since she lived so far it was decided that it was best to sell her home. My oldest granddaughter was sad because she said she wanted to live there when she grew up. As usual I cried because of her loss as well as mine.
Drewsmom, do whatever you need to do for your sanity because you are the one that will have to live with your decision.
|
|
|
Post by drewsmom595 on Jan 18, 2008 19:35:35 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone, for your advice! You've given me a lot of think about. It really helps to hear others' opinions. Something that should be so straightforward (inheriting my parents' house) turns out to be very complicated....(sigh)....all because of the murder. It seems like no part of my life...not ONE...has been unaffected by it.
Thanks, again. You all are the BEST!
|
|
|
Post by purples on Jan 20, 2008 13:04:01 GMT -5
hmmm that's a hard one! In my case, I still live in the house, but Michael was shot outside in the driveway. Since then one of my dearest friends built me a wishing well and it covers the spot. At times it's been terrible to stay here, but at he same time I'm finding a peace within myself. Before the wishing well was built I hated this place. God knows if i had the money i would have moved. I've lived here for 12 years, so this place is home. Now when i look outside, i see this beautiful creation! I've hung several bird feeders around it! It totally changed the dreary spot. I'm not sure how I would take it if the murder was done inside. I'm sure it would be much harder to deal with. I think what ever decision you make will be the right one for you. Take care hun!
|
|
|
Post by acavana on Feb 2, 2008 12:25:01 GMT -5
I almost don't want to say this because you all seem to have the opposite view, so I may be wrong. I would live there, or at least I think it would be fine if you could and wanted to live there. The house has history and your father was the one to build it. I would really try to not allow the murder,s memories take over my childhood memories. I know that thats easier said than done. It would ultimately depend on you, just make sure if you sell that you can live with someone else living in the house as you weigh whether you could live there or not. I think that is what I would have a hard time with. Like I said, this is a hard one, and I can't figure out why I don't feel like everyone else.
|
|
|
Post by drewsmom595 on Feb 4, 2008 5:59:11 GMT -5
Thanks, acavana! You brought up some excellent points that I haven't been able to verbalize. I haven't come to a decision yet...mainly because I haven't had to as my Mom is still thankfully alive. It really is a tough decision.
|
|
|
Post by acavana on Feb 5, 2008 18:43:32 GMT -5
I don't know if you are in the place to do this, or if she is able to, but you may want to talk to your mother about the reasons she stays there, and how she copes with the memories. As difficult as it may be she may be able to give you some insight. Maybe you have already done this? May your mom stay healthy for a long time.
|
|
|
Post by drewsmom595 on Feb 6, 2008 6:18:25 GMT -5
I have talked with my Mom several times about why she stays there -- living in what I still feel is the crime scene, and not my childhood home. She says "it's home" and "your Dad built this house for me" and "he's here...I feel presence here all the time." And you're right...it has given me some insight. I am more comfortable there, but it's taken me a long time to not automatically think of my Dad lying in a pool of blood as soon as I walk up to the front door.
It's a really nice house. And she's right, it is home. It's where I lived from age 6 - 22. And my Dad did build and design the home (he was a home builder) just for her. And sometimes I do feel my Dad there, much more than any place else, and I am comforted by it.
It's really sad how 1 horrific thing can almost destroy decades of fond, happy memories. I'm trying not to let it be that way in other aspects of my life. But I still can't think about my Dad without crying most times because of how much I miss him and how he died. I wish I could just remember him and laugh and think about what a wonderful person he was because I know that's what he'd want me to remember. He wouldn't want me to be so sad about how he died. It's really, really hard. But I'm trying.
|
|
|
Post by taterfay on Feb 7, 2008 13:21:59 GMT -5
Hugs to you, drewsmom! This isn't something that can easily be decided. Just keep thinking about all your different options. I do see acavana's point, too.
I totally understand about wanting to be able to access all of those wonderful memories instead of be bombarded by his death and the crime scene. Old (and fun) memories of my mom and sister are finally slowly starting to creep into my brain, but they are few and far between!
I wish we had a lot more control over our minds than we do. But it takes a long time and a lot of practice. I wish you luck and send you love, as always! Stacey
|
|
|
Post by angelbaby on Feb 8, 2008 2:08:33 GMT -5
I would definitely have to sell it.there would be too many painful memories,especially with somebody I loved was murdered there.
|
|
|
Post by lilithb on Jul 23, 2008 13:47:59 GMT -5
I think that I would sell the house.
|
|
|
Post by mysondwi on Oct 26, 2008 23:34:54 GMT -5
i feel for your loss but i would never give up any of my sons things no matter the feelings, but it is all in the love and inner strength you have to carry on in the house that will make all the difference. the lives spent in the house and all the happy times you will always have no matter what. ultimately it will be up to you and your ability to deal with the loss that will make up your mind. remember most answers are in your heart as far as loved ones are concerned.
|
|