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Post by briandennis on Dec 23, 2004 18:39:58 GMT -5
This January 17 will mark 1 year since my father's murder. Does any person have experiance on reward posting. There is a reward for information leading to an arrest which will expire Feb. 1. My question is does increasing the reward help? January 17 freightens me as I don't know what to expect. The holiday season is hard enough. Is this one year date a day to be afraid of? I have not had many replies to my previous post but this board has become an important source of support for me. I thank everyone who views my message.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Dec 27, 2004 9:37:46 GMT -5
This January 17 will mark 1 year since my father's murder. Does any person have experiance on reward posting. There is a reward for information leading to an arrest which will expire Feb. 1. My question is does increasing the reward help? January 17 freightens me as I don't know what to expect. The holiday season is hard enough. Is this one year date a day to be afraid of? I have not had many replies to my previous post but this board has become an important source of support for me. I thank everyone who views my message. Brian, I am so sorry you are facing this day. I am so sorry there is any reason to think about it at all for you. Our lives were so very different before murder took our loved ones. I have had 3 of these horrible sadiversaries since my daughter was murdered. I think the second worst part of the first one was the fear of what it would feel like, after the first one being that there was a reason for it to exist. I had that first sadiversary where the fear of the day and the dread of the day were so horrible for weeks on end that by the time the day came, I was almost too worn out to feel anything but in a daze and depressed. The ones since the first, I have talked about it more with people who will listen beforehand, and I don't so much fear it anymore as just know that I will need very much to do something to memorialize her, a remembrance of her, and to let myself cry when I need to. If there is no one around who can bear to listen (and sometimes even my own family members can be in that kind of stage), I write, and write, and write my feelings and thoughts. I have found that bearing it stoically does not help me at all. I have to give myself permission to GRIEVE and express my sorrow so it will not be such an explosion of that grief on that day. My worst days are the sadiversary and her birthday. I don't think there is anything anyone can say to make those kinds of days better, but I do believe that if we give ourselves permission to grieve before, during and after that it is not as hard on us. That has been true for me anyway. I pray that there is something in this that might help you or have some meaning for you, and that you will keep coming here when you need to, and talking to those who are good enough friends who can listen, and are capable of it at the time themselves. I am so sorry for your loss of your father, Janet-Beth's mom
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Dec 27, 2004 20:57:57 GMT -5
Dear Brian, I'm very sorry that you'll soon be facing your 1st sadiversary. I can tell you what's helped me on those days is to get out of the house and do something different. The 1st several sadiversaries I stayed in and got drunk and felt worse. After quitting drinking, I'd do something like go out to dinner at a nice place with a friend or caring relative. It helped a little. But to be honest this day is very hard every year. I find the going out and being with friend or family to help a little as it's a small distraction and an effort to keep going with life. To answer your other questions about rewards, I don't personally have experience with that. You may want to talk to a criminal lawyer, Victims Assistance Office if there's 1 in your area, or someone at Parents of Murdered Children. There might be someone at POMC who's had exeperience with this. I hope this info helps. Take care-Laura
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Post by polderman on Jan 29, 2005 21:41:33 GMT -5
Hello my name is Karen and I am 45, August 31st will mark my Mother, Grandfather and Grandmother's triple homicide. Does it get better? no not really, but the tears get replaced with the happy memories that we have of the ones we love and miss so much., as far as the reward money I tried that ,doesn't seem to work either. I wish I had the answer for you. I am getting things together to send to Americas Most Wanted. I have kept in touch with the media and just keep going on the news, whatever I can to keep it in the public eye. If I can help you in anyway let me know (Polderman Triple Homicide). just write if I can help mattawanfan@comcast.net Take care, Be prepared for the media to contact you for a update. Karen
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Post by Dogfather on Jan 30, 2005 14:05:47 GMT -5
Brian,
I am sorry for your loss. I read your other post. Do the police have a theory about what happened? Was it a mugging? PPD can give you the contact info for victims services. Even though you are not in the same city, they maybe able to refer you to someone closer.
Rob
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Post by JudySE on Mar 7, 2005 18:51:20 GMT -5
Brian, I"m sorry about your dad. I just read your other posts but I'll just reply on this one.
You learn to live WITH your grief. It's aways at your side. Sometimes, it even gets forgotten for a moment, but there it is at your side again later. You learn to co-exist with it. I personally think that the best thing you can do is prevent bitterness from gaining a hold on you and controling you. Bitterness is anger gone sour. And the only way I can think of to do that is to focus on love. The love you had/have for your father, his for you and your family, the love you have for your living relatives and friends, theirs for you. And to DO things based on that love. Feel that love, Feed it. Find more to love. Spend more time with the ones you love building memories.
Someone on a forum tossed me that lifeline when our incident first happened and it has my foundation ever since.
I keep a picture of my murdered loved one right in front of me at all times, and every time I look at that picture I let myself feel the love I had for her in life, and still have for her. I think of what we said and did together. I laugh at some of those memories and I talk about her and her antics. I cry everytime I look at that picture, but I make myself look, anyway.
If our roles were reversed, if she were alive and i was dead, what would she do? What would I want her to do? I would want her to celebrate my life. I would want her to laugh over and over at those memories and be glad we shared them.
Be patient and give yourself all the time you need. It's only been a year. Sometimes we tend to begin our anniversary grief in advance of that date, it's OK to do that. There is no roadmap to this. It just is.
I sure hope there is a break in your case.
j
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