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Post by BECKY - Pam's Sister on Jun 4, 2003 5:47:05 GMT -5
Sunday marked the 1 year anniversary of Pam's death. One year ago today she was found. I have had a very bad week. Can't get her off my mind for even one minute, I miss her soooo very much. Don't really feel like opening my mouth and talking about it so I thought writing might be better. We have put flowers on her grave which she would have loved, she was big on her flower garden. I don't say much here as my husband found her and I don't want to upset him. He has had a really rough time. The only other one at home is my 10 year old son. Even he remembered Sunday was 1 year. Pam was so pretty even though she never thought so. I was so jealous of how thin she was and then years later found out that she hated being so, imagine that!! I miss her smiles and her phone calls. Sometimes I wonder how we go on after something like this happens. I know that everyone here has made a HUGE difference in my life. I don't know what I would have done had I not found you all. Thanks for listening. I'll quit since I just seem to be rambling. Becky
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Post by Linda on Jun 4, 2003 11:07:13 GMT -5
Hello Becky, I wish I had some wise words of comfort to give you. There are none that come to mind right now. The "firsts" are the hardest to deal with, but it is all hard to deal with and none of us should have to. I grieve with you and though I don't personally know what you are going through, I do have an idea of your pain. Here is a big (((HUG))) and prayers from my family to yours. Linda
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Post by BECKY Pams Sister on Jun 12, 2003 12:13:42 GMT -5
Thanks Linda.
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Post by Carrie-Bill's sister on Jun 12, 2003 14:44:58 GMT -5
Hi Becky, You are not rambling. Anniversaries of murders are not like any other anniversary. The first year, I took the day off from work anticipating difficulty, and found I got through it better than expected. My Mom lived with me then and we lit some candles and said a prayer. Cried as needed. Reminisced as needed. The next year, I thought, I don't need to take the day off and in the middle of the day it just hit me and I started crying my eyes out. I shut my office door and took me hours to calm down enough to even go ask my boss if I could leave. The thing with anniversary dates. The survivors remember them acutely, but alot of people don't remember. I am always torn between telling them so they will understand, and not telling them because telling them almost makes me feel worse. It's been 4+ years now. I have gotten in the ritual of trying to do something on that day that speaks to what my brother was about, not about his murder. I do random acts of kindness in his name. He was murdered one week before Christmas, so i usually pick a family in need and drop off presents and the fixings of christmas dinner to brighten their holiday. Gives me the warm fuzzies, makes me feel connected to my brother, and kind of balances or overshadows the darkness and evil that touched that day years back, or at least says "I refuse to let the act of one evil $%^$ define the meaning of this day for the rest of my life." That's my approach. It helps me, but the bottom line, anniversary or no anniversary, it hurts that my brother is not here. Give yourself lots of space to just be so you can cry if you need to cry, throw things around and yell if you need to. Surround yourself with people who understand and care. Take Care, Carrie Sunday marked the 1 year anniversary of Pam's death. One year ago today she was found. I have had a very bad week. Can't get her off my mind for even one minute, I miss her soooo very much. Don't really feel like opening my mouth and talking about it so I thought writing might be better. We have put flowers on her grave which she would have loved, she was big on her flower garden. I don't say much here as my husband found her and I don't want to upset him. He has had a really rough time. The only other one at home is my 10 year old son. Even he remembered Sunday was 1 year. Pam was so pretty even though she never thought so. I was so jealous of how thin she was and then years later found out that she hated being so, imagine that!! I miss her smiles and her phone calls. Sometimes I wonder how we go on after something like this happens. I know that everyone here has made a HUGE difference in my life. I don't know what I would have done had I not found you all. Thanks for listening. I'll quit since I just seem to be rambling. Becky
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Post by Aslam Rasoolpuri on Jun 13, 2003 2:11:41 GMT -5
Besky,
I pray for peace of Pam's soul for ever
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