Post by clare on Mar 1, 2009 7:28:00 GMT -5
how does one begin when it's felt over while my biological brother was in prison, but now, seven years in prison, and this december 9th, 09 he will be released from parole. insane. plea deal. six adopted kids ritually and sadistically sexually and physically and educationally abused. locked in the house. his wife drugged, beaten in the head with a crow bar. DA made a deal seven years for the attempt murder plea bar. away sex abuse charges when he knew damn well it would get the sadistic monster locked for years. my sister in law is a vegetable. the state would not let my husband and i have the kids; too much sibling to sibling incest taught to them. then i spent months taping my bio brother who i was a victim of as a child for four months prior to his arrest. homicide detectives got me an concealed weapons permit in two days flat. terror. pure terror what he did. what i saw. he threatened to rape my daughter to my face with homicide det. in the house hiding from him seeing them four days after he tried to kill his wife the first time. my life is not one that others want to know about. my husband has changed, blaming me for what happened to us through this. i guess some people desire to grow closer together (me) and others want distance (him) but i cant take much more of the blame, the constant comments of if your brother hadn't done xyz things could have been different. or calling me crazy for feeling scared. you see my biological brother and i did not know each other. i knew what he was. warned his wife. she believed god would heal him. later we learned the pastor of their church was a sex offender too. he helped my biological brother cover too. hundreds of church children at his house. then his wife decides to leave and he beats her head in and all the kids saw. i was the one to take care of them. i was a child therapist for years and the kids trusted me as i was the only adult not related to the church they were allowed to see occasionally. i live in an isolated area. back yard goes down to green wet land area and creek not with a trail all slanted and natural. no way to run. the front is a big field and dead end road. husband thinks i'm nuts to feel scared out here but it can be days that go by without my seeing anyone human. i can't go outside without a gun. biological brother is on the sociopath Parole. they know he will reoffend but he isnt a registered sex offender due to the DA choice to plea down--so they can't do a city wide huge notification. Parole Officers are as frustrated as can be. i hate when they call and tell me to not leave the house without my gun that "he's wandered farther off than we know right now." now he is back on a gps moniter and he will remain behaving well as december is so close. he followed my niece n nephew 2/3rds way to my house when they spotted him. that's how he got the gps back on his ankle. his last words to me, the only person at his sentencing were to turn and lick his lips and say, "i look forward to seeing you, or _____ just as soon as possible." the name left out was my daughter's name. he means it. they know he means it. my husband thinks i'm scared of nothing but he refuses to deal. head in sand and why did you bring this in my life attitude. i see a therapist whose telling me i'm being emotionally abused. he said last week i need to move out and get away from my husbands hatred for how our life turned out because of the violence. how he says things that trigger memories that immobilize me. therapist says it doesnt matter if he does it on purpose knowingly or not, that it's happening and he's worried about me. i dont know how to function now. lay in bed. too much trauma. too tired to get up. isolated in my town. no way to find a group for people like me. i never knew my biological brother as an adult till i found out he'd adopted kids and then i decided to try and help those kids. husband and i agreed. daughter with lock on her door. kids being starved. tons of calls to cps. then my bio brother assaulted me prior to the cops arresting him for this crime and he got to me without their seeing and harmed me and threatened to rape my daughter (then thirteen) if i told. i didnt tell. so i feel guilty about that too. i sure as hell hope this board is still active. it's the only thing i have hope for now. i cant find anything anywhere to fit in. life never gets back to a new normal for me cuz this *deleted* keeps surfacing. i'm tired. are you? then i worked so many years with kids VOCA kids prior to this happening. victim of crime act kids for many years; i was a survivor who ended up hitting therapy at a young age and had kids and married and went to school after they went to school. this murder killed my ability to do my job too. triggered me again after he beat her to death. how do you get energy when there is none? how do you find a house to move into when the home you've had is no longer safe and yet you have no energy or friends close by? how and the hell do you keep on believing in yourself when you know you are only alive for your children's sake? they are great-- in thier twenties now, one is thirty. great people, so i stay alive for them. sorry about the spelling. too tired to check. four thirty a.m. and i finally wrote here. i hope there is someone out there... do you people have a way of finding others who've experienced similar in the city/places you live? this is my first post... i hope it's okay...