Post by damagedfamily on Oct 5, 2009 13:06:17 GMT -5
Not sure where to start, but I suppose the day all of our lives were ripped apart is as good as any. On July 14, 2009 my "mother in law" was murdered,shot to death by her soon to be ex-husband, the father of her children.
I was lucky enough to be brought into this family by her youngest son, we are not married yet, but she treated me as a member of the family the first time I met her. I was blessed to have had one of the best mother-in-laws anyone should ever ask for, for the last 4 years, and I miss her everyday!
My boyfriends father was a life long alcoholic, who was the product of an abusive, alcoholic family. Who instead of choosing to break the cycle and have a healthy life and family ended up repeating history. Though we never saw any physical violence towards Mom, the verbal was there, always as a "joke", and was directed at her and both their children though out the years.
After almost 5 years of being separated, Mom had decided that she was ready to move on with her life and be HAPPY, so she filed divorce papers. To say that he didn't take it well was an understatement. He called her a *deleted* and *deleted*, and I am sure a number of other things. All because she wanted to be happy and free.
She was a woman who felt no matter what the situation was with him she could defuse it. But when he announced that he was going to purchase a gun shortly after she filed papers because "he didn't feel safe in his neighborhood" everyone got that sick feeling in the pit of their stomach. At that point I knew something was going to happen. People asked her to get a restraining order, to just stay away from him, meet only in public places with him, but she told us all we were over-reacting that she knew him and he would never hurt her. Then he told everyone that the "whole gun thing" fell through and that he never got one. We all let out a heavy sigh of relief at that and that he said he was going to be going to see a therapist to try and deal with all of this.
Three days after he told everyone there was no gun. He went to her apartment and shot her in the face in the middle of her kitchen.
He then walked passed her went to his apartment, stood on the deck and killed himself with the same gun.
In the matter of 20 minutes our family was destroyed.
I am so angry, so sad, so disappointed, and even a little numb. Her birthday was last week... it was such a hard day to get through, that I really don't know how we are going to get through the holidays. The wound on our hearts is still to open and new.
My boyfriend and I don't really talk about it, he says it is too hard now. So I worry about him even more, I'm trying to be strong for the both of us, but this last week has been so hard, I find myself hating his father more than I ever though possible. I hate him for taking her away from us, I hate him because our children will never know their wonderful Grandma, I hate him for how he has damaged and hurt his sons, I hate him for being so selfish! I hate him for making me feel all of this.
I am rambling, for those of you reading this I am sorry for that, normally I am a lot more put together, but I just needed to get this out there.
I miss her, and I feel lost about the whole thing. I don't know what to do about my boyfriend, about the Holidays, about anything! If you have any advice I would love to hear it, because I have had many deaths in my life, but none like this, none that could have ever prepaired me for this kind of pain and sadness. Not that I think anything could.
Thank you all for just being here and listening.
I was lucky enough to be brought into this family by her youngest son, we are not married yet, but she treated me as a member of the family the first time I met her. I was blessed to have had one of the best mother-in-laws anyone should ever ask for, for the last 4 years, and I miss her everyday!
My boyfriends father was a life long alcoholic, who was the product of an abusive, alcoholic family. Who instead of choosing to break the cycle and have a healthy life and family ended up repeating history. Though we never saw any physical violence towards Mom, the verbal was there, always as a "joke", and was directed at her and both their children though out the years.
After almost 5 years of being separated, Mom had decided that she was ready to move on with her life and be HAPPY, so she filed divorce papers. To say that he didn't take it well was an understatement. He called her a *deleted* and *deleted*, and I am sure a number of other things. All because she wanted to be happy and free.
She was a woman who felt no matter what the situation was with him she could defuse it. But when he announced that he was going to purchase a gun shortly after she filed papers because "he didn't feel safe in his neighborhood" everyone got that sick feeling in the pit of their stomach. At that point I knew something was going to happen. People asked her to get a restraining order, to just stay away from him, meet only in public places with him, but she told us all we were over-reacting that she knew him and he would never hurt her. Then he told everyone that the "whole gun thing" fell through and that he never got one. We all let out a heavy sigh of relief at that and that he said he was going to be going to see a therapist to try and deal with all of this.
Three days after he told everyone there was no gun. He went to her apartment and shot her in the face in the middle of her kitchen.
He then walked passed her went to his apartment, stood on the deck and killed himself with the same gun.
In the matter of 20 minutes our family was destroyed.
I am so angry, so sad, so disappointed, and even a little numb. Her birthday was last week... it was such a hard day to get through, that I really don't know how we are going to get through the holidays. The wound on our hearts is still to open and new.
My boyfriend and I don't really talk about it, he says it is too hard now. So I worry about him even more, I'm trying to be strong for the both of us, but this last week has been so hard, I find myself hating his father more than I ever though possible. I hate him for taking her away from us, I hate him because our children will never know their wonderful Grandma, I hate him for how he has damaged and hurt his sons, I hate him for being so selfish! I hate him for making me feel all of this.
I am rambling, for those of you reading this I am sorry for that, normally I am a lot more put together, but I just needed to get this out there.
I miss her, and I feel lost about the whole thing. I don't know what to do about my boyfriend, about the Holidays, about anything! If you have any advice I would love to hear it, because I have had many deaths in my life, but none like this, none that could have ever prepaired me for this kind of pain and sadness. Not that I think anything could.
Thank you all for just being here and listening.