Post by c21king2queen on Sept 24, 2010 17:41:18 GMT -5
The day that my husband was murdered all my hopes, wishes and dreams for myself died. Everything I want, need and deserve was murdered. I suddenly no longer mattered anymore. Nothing really matters, except my son. All that matters and all that is important now is protecting and raising my son. I hope someday that my son puts to shame all those who are responsible and involved in my husband's murder and all those responsible for playing their cruel, sick, twisted and illegal games with my son and I since my husband's murder. Law Enforcement and the DA's office have so badly mishandled the case right from the start, but it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter what happens during the murder trials. Nothing will change. My husband will still be dead, my son will still be fatherless for the rest of his life and I will still be a widow and single mother for the rest of my life. There will still be too many evil, greedy, and selfish people in this world. I am tired of fighting all of this alone and fighting for Justice alone when there really is no Justice in this world and I just keep beating my head against a concrete wall. I can't do anything about anything, except protecting and raising my son. I was born and raised in this state and grew up in this county and district. This was always home for me and my son, until the day my husband was murdered. In a sense my son and I have been homeless since my husband was murdered. The people here have made it loud and clear to me and my son that we are not welcomed here and we do not belong here in this place where a piece of land is worth more than human life. I have been so badly disappointed and let down by so many people. The only thing that is keeping me here are my parents and the fact that I can't afford to move and live somewhere else. When my parents die and their estate is settled, my son and I will move as far away from this county, district and state as we can get. We will not look back and I will only return to this state to be buried next to my husband. For those who say I need to forgive or it will eat me up, what I have been through you never get over or forget. Everyday is a new day to learn to live with it for the rest of my life. For those who say, "You just need time," or "Give time, time," I am stuck with this for the rest of my life. Without a trial my husband was unjustly and unfairly given the death penalty. Without a trial my son was unjustly and unfairly sentenced to a life without a father. Without a trial I was unjustly and unfairly sentenced to a life without the love of my life, husband and father of my only child. Without a trial I was unjustly and unfairly sentenced for life as a Widow and Single Mother. It doesn't matter what happens now, because nothing will change. No one can ever give back, repay, or replace what has been taken from my husband, son and I. I have decided that after the murder trials when the civil case for the land(the reason my husband was murdered) goes to court I will make it loud and clear to everyone in the courtroom that my son and I do not want the devil's land or any money from the devil's land. My son and I will never touch that evil. If they are so desperate that they had to murder someone for a piece of land, let them have their piece of devil's dirt. No piece of land is worth more than a human life. If the court tries to rule that it be returned to my husband's name, sold and put in trust for my son until he is of legal age, I will teach my son never to touch it. May'be the money from the land can be donated to help others and something good can finally come out of it. My son and I will never touch the land or any money from the sale of it. We don't want it, we would rather have my husband, love of my life, and father of my only child returned, but they can't return him to us. They have taken a life they can't return and hurt and destroyed other innocent lives. They can't undo what they have done. It doesn't matter what happens, nothing will change. I wish I could wave a magic wand and change things. I wish God could move Mountains and work Miracles. The only way Mountains will be moved and Miracles worked, will be if people change they way they do things and the way things are. It takes people to change the way things are in the world. My heart and prayers go out to all Murder Victim Survivors.