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Post by tamècasmom on Nov 6, 2010 7:08:40 GMT -5
I am so tired of people asking me how I do it. It means live without my daughter. My latest response goes something like this: You should not ask me that question because you do not want to know the answer, to know the answer you would have to live it. Be careful, your question might be mistaken as a prayer and you might find out how I do it by being in the same situation. I then tell them I would not want this for my enemy let alone a family member or friend so instead of asking me how I do it, thank God they do not have to know. And I tell them to remember the verse, “There but for the grace of God go I”. I change the I to you, “There but for the grace of God go you. Most of the responses have been good in the sense they promise not to ask me that question again. Time will tell if they ask me again. Missing Tameca more not less everyday. Tameca's mom Side note: Below taken from: www.graceandtruth.org.uk/Articles/john_bradford.htm. The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations tells us that it was Bradford who originated the saying "There but for the grace of God go I." Seeing a group of criminals led out to their execution he declared, "But for the grace of God there goes John Bradford." All my life I thought the grace saying was a Bible verse.
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Post by tamècasmom on Nov 7, 2010 7:53:18 GMT -5
{was a Bible scripture} is what I meant to say.
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Post by c21king2queen on Nov 10, 2010 17:17:19 GMT -5
I have heard stupid questions and comments, but I don't think anyone has asked me how I live without my husband, yet. What I get tired of hearing is people ask if I am dating or have I remarried. Someone asked me a few days ago, "How's married life going?'' He either really didn't know or just didn't remember that my husband has been dead for 2 and 1/2 years. People don't understand because they haven't been through what we are living with. Once someone you love is murdered you have to live with it for the rest of your life. Certainly no Murder Victim Survivor would wish this on anyone. It doesn't matter what happens in the courtroom because it doesn't change anything. Our loved ones are still dead. We still have to live with this for the rest of our lives. We need to keep the faith and keep believing that God will have the final Justice and God's Justice will prevail in the end. In the meantime we still have to find a way to live with it each day. We all struggle to try to find a positive way to deal with all of this. Some of us find a way to draw something positive out of our tragedy that will pave the way, help future victims and touch the lives of others. My heart and prayers go out to you. I understand. I am there and living it. I wish for you and other Murder Victim Survivors to be touched by the lives of others and to touch the lives of others. Keep your chin up and hold your head high.
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lmb
Freshman
Posts: 28
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Post by lmb on Nov 12, 2010 10:21:01 GMT -5
Yes, people are so wrapped up in their own lives they sometimes forget what we are going through. I remember about 3 or 4 months after my brothers death a sister in law (my husbands sister in law) asked how I was doing? I told her that it has been a very difficult few months and that I spend a lot of time helping my parents cope, etc. She had NO idea what I was talking about. I said, I thought you were inquiring about how I was coping with Billy's murder. She had completely forgotten about his brutal death. She felt horrible because she realized that once the body was identified, the funeral was over and the media had stopped printing articles that she went on with her life and never gave it a second thought.
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Post by c21king2queen on Nov 12, 2010 17:20:47 GMT -5
I know all about how other people seem to forget the horrible devastating and traumatic experience that Murder Victim Survivors go through. When my husband was missing and then his body found after he had been missing and dead for 3 days, people I hadn't heard from for years or months came crawling out of the wood-work. So many people came by my house and even more showed up for the funeral. As soon the funeral was over they all dissappeared and went on with their lives. Even my husband's brother and sister went on with their lives and seemed to forget. I hear from his sister rarely. I never hear from his brother. They don't really give a darn about their dead brother's wife and child. I think it is really sad that my son will not only grow up without a father, but he will never know anyone from his father's family, the family he was born into and carries their name. I will always love my husband and he will always be my son's father. What I have been through, you never get over or forget, you just have to live with it. My son and I will be deeply affected for the rest of our lives. I have gotten used to putting a smile on my face and lying to everyone, because that is all they want to see and no one wants to know the truth. I get really tired of the insensitive way people talk to me about dating and getting remarried. I know I will never date or remarry. I wish everyone else would accept it. If I were widowed between the age of 65 and 100, no one would bother me about dating or getting remarried. So why bother me about it just because I am under age 65 and have a small child to raise?? No one understands, unless you are a Murder Victim Survivor. No one deserves to have to walk in our shoes. We have to keep holding our heads high and keep the faith. God will take care of us. So how do I live without my husband?? I have no choice. He was murdered and I have a child to protect and raise. Prayers for all!!
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Post by kandysue on Dec 19, 2010 10:14:34 GMT -5
This whole subject has brought tears to my eyes. I dont want to be a sissy, but I am. I want others to understand these feelings that rage though me like a tornado. Im not fine. I dont want to date your brothers uncles friend or any one else for that matter. Dont ask me if my new place is comfortable. It isnt, cause I had to leave everything I knew and loved to be where I am today. Sure its nice, I am blessed... God has been good to me. But, the human side of this mess is tired and lonely. I dont need others to remind me I am alone. Or that "I will find someone someday". Nope I found him and now hes gone. I know there are more chances of love to come to us, but its really a felling that only a victim could understand. I cant even write the word "m" right now... God is with us all, sometimes it doesnt feel like it...but I know He is there. Thank You all for letting me vent, and kinda underatnding me
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Post by c21king2queen on Dec 22, 2010 16:44:21 GMT -5
Kandysue, I couldn't help laugh a little when you made the comment, " No I don't want to date your uncle's cousin's brother," or something like that. I get so tired of people saying anything to me about dating or getting remarried. Just yesterday I recieved a message from my cousin via computer, he wanted me to go on his facebook page and look at his photos. He has some photos of a friend and co-worker that has seen pictures of me and thinks I am cute. My husband, love of my life and father of my only child was murdered nearly 3 years ago. Following that people entered my home and car repeatedly and illegally and played cruel, sick, twisted and illegal games with my son and I. We had to move for our physical and emotional safety and I had all the locks on my car changed and rekeyed. I am still facing 2 murder trials and a civil court case. I am living in a nightmare in a backwards county where people believe that a piece of land is worth more than a human life and they accept land for bond from murderers who kill for land. The 2 murderers are out on bond. I have a son who is almost 4 and living with Autism. I live with Post Traumatic Stress and nightmares. All I want now is to protect and raise my son, Justice for my husband, son and I. What I have been through you never get over or forget. I have no interest in ever dating again. Even if I ever had any interest in dating again, no one would be interested, at least not for more than 5 seconds. Once they find out what I am living with and dealing with and the fact that I will always love my husband and he will always be my son's father, they will run as far and fast as they can to get away from me. As well they should fear me. My son and I have been through enough bad stuff, we don't need anymore. I am sorry that others don't like to see me alone and think that I should have a man in my life to make things wonderful and life complete. I don't need that. My son and I are better off, at this point, if I don't get involved with any man. I am not alone. I have God, my son, and my husband is always with me in my heart, soul, and memories. I am fine. It is everyone else who needs to keep their mouths shut about the dating and remarriage subject where I am concerned. To other people who have lost their spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, I would suggest take your time in dealing with everything and listen to your heart, soul, and conscience where dating is concerned. Everyone is different and we all grieve in different ways. I think others should try to be a little more understanding and leave the choice of whether or not to date again or when to date again in the hands of the person who has lost someone they love. Let us come to that in our own time and own way, if we ever do. We should focus on what is important to us. Prayers to all.
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