Post by c21king2queen on Nov 21, 2010 15:26:38 GMT -5
Friday, November 19th, I attended the 15th Annual Memorial Service for Victims of Crime. It was a very nice service. I cried almost the entire time. I also experienced some anxiety, some nausea, my heart rate was so fast at one point I thougth my heart would leap out of my chest and I felt like I could hardly breathe. I kept taking deep breathes until it got better. I went alone this year, just like last year. No one would go with me last year or this year. I am getting used to dealing with all of this and fighting all of this....alone. I know I am not really alone. God is with me and my husband is with me in my heart, soul, and memories. No one understands, except other murder victim survivors who have been going through what I am going through. In my case, my husband's family hasn't been there for my son and I, even though they have lost a family member. As much as I love my parents, even they haven't been there for me in some of the ways I need most at times I need most. This Memorial Service just had to take place right before Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is already a tough time of year, with the holidays coming up. No one was there at the Memorial Service to help me show family support for my husband, a homicide victim. No one was there to offer me support during another difficult time. One of the other Survivors who sat in front of me placed her hand on my shoulder in a supportive and understanding way at one point during the service. The kindness of a stranger can be a blessing and a gift in compassion and love. Even though my son and I have been through so much and will be deeply affected for the rest of our lives, we still have so much to be Thankful for. God is always with us and my husband is always in our hearts, souls, and memories. My son and I have each other.