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Post by cpruitt78 on Nov 29, 2010 12:56:33 GMT -5
Three years has passed since our family nucleus was destroyed and I'll say that our coping skills have sharpened- however the pain is still very, very real. The void that our Angel absence has left in our lives is just to big to be filled. I miss so much about her. Everyday I am reminded that she is not here. My husband and I are raising her youngest daughter that was only 18 days old at the time of her murder. I look at her and although I know we are doing a terrific job with her- and I know her Angel Momma is proud- It comes with a grain of salt that this beautiful child will never have the opportunity to have a first hand relationship with her Mother. That to me is soooo devestating. I know I have to be the strong one in this situation and I always am- but it still hurts- and I still miss her tremendously. This site along with virtual memorials has made my journey of grief a little easier and I want to thank every person who is on their own personal journey for reaching out to me and my family. I love you all! I am still here even if I don't post as much as I use to.... (((hugs))) to all as I know we all need some comfort especially going into the holiday season... Attachments:
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Nov 30, 2010 1:43:49 GMT -5
Three years has passed since our family nucleus was destroyed and I'll say that our coping skills have sharpened- however the pain is still very, very real. The void that our Angel absence has left in our lives is just to big to be filled. I miss so much about her. Everyday I am reminded that she is not here. My husband and I are raising her youngest daughter that was only 18 days old at the time of her murder. I look at her and although I know we are doing a terrific job with her- and I know her Angel Momma is proud- It comes with a grain of salt that this beautiful child will never have the opportunity to have a first hand relationship with her Mother. That to me is soooo devestating. I know I have to be the strong one in this situation and I always am- but it still hurts- and I still miss her tremendously. This site along with virtual memorials has made my journey of grief a little easier and I want to thank every person who is on their own personal journey for reaching out to me and my family. I love you all! I am still here even if I don't post as much as I use to.... (((hugs))) to all as I know we all need some comfort especially going into the holiday season... We love you also! Thanks for being here and helping us heal also! I'm glad you got through the sadiversary as best as possible. It's 1 of the worst days of the year for us. Yes, we all need each other going into the holiday season. The holidays are never the same for us after we become MVS. However, we keep going and doing all we can to heal and that includes dealing with the holidays.
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lmb
Freshman
Posts: 28
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Post by lmb on Dec 1, 2010 7:44:09 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter is such a beautiful girl. I'm sure she is looking down and is overwhelmed with emotion by your love and devotion for her daughter.
God Bless you.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Dec 1, 2010 13:16:20 GMT -5
Cpruitt, yes the angelversary is always a very hard day for me too. Learning to cope and walk around in this "at least better than before" is a huge accomplishment. But yes we will always miss them, and as far as I can tell that part will always hurt, or be bittersweet at best. I love hearing from you, and am glad you are doing what you need to do to care for yourself and your family first. I believe anything else we do starts from there.
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Post by tamècasmom on Dec 2, 2010 11:39:18 GMT -5
Cpruitt78,
I am so sad you have had to lived three years without your daughter and I am sad that you will have to live many more without your beloved daughter. I understand how you feel about raising your grandchild because I am in the same situation. May the LORD continue to give you what you need to raise your granddaughter and survive without your daughter. Love back at you!
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Post by kandysue on Dec 13, 2010 10:15:05 GMT -5
I have not been to this site in quite some time. I see familiar names which means I am still not alone. ThankGod. Not a day goes by without something triggering that awful memory. Its has been 2 1/2 years and it seems like my brain has been frozen for that long; but my heart felt all the pain. Thats what doctors do to you when you tell them your thinking of taking your own life. They numb you up so you dont think or feel the pain. Well I have taken my self off of 1/3 of my meds, and WOW.... I dont remember all things of the night Glen was murderd. I do remember them asking why I did not go to the scene that nite. Truthfully, I couldnt drive. All of those "WHYS" can just ..... well, I dont know why I did or didnt do the things I may have should of done. But, there was not much I could do. Nobody wanted me to be a part of anything they did for Glen. It was my fault he was dead, why would they want me to be a part of whatever, or whoever... I moved so far away from it all I thought it would just melt away. I miss everything and everyone about the place I onced lived happily. My happily ever after had a crappy ending!! Still having those crazy nightmares and mourn the lose of friends and family because of some sick SOB that had take a life so precious to many. Im blabbing just like I did before, i pray this time it doesnt offend anyone else. cpruitt78 my prayers are with you and your family... God BLESS you for all you are... I Miss you and will forever love you Glen G Puder
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Dec 13, 2010 10:38:30 GMT -5
I have not been to this site in quite some time. I see familiar names which means I am still not alone. ThankGod. Not a day goes by without something triggering that awful memory. Its has been 2 1/2 years and it seems like my brain has been frozen for that long; but my heart felt all the pain. Thats what doctors do to you when you tell them your thinking of taking your own life. They numb you up so you dont think or feel the pain. Well I have taken my self off of 1/3 of my meds, and WOW.... I dont remember all things of the night Glen was murderd. I do remember them asking why I did not go to the scene that nite. Truthfully, I couldnt drive. All of those "WHYS" can just ..... well, I dont know why I did or didnt do the things I may have should of done. But, there was not much I could do. Nobody wanted me to be a part of anything they did for Glen. It was my fault he was dead, why would they want me to be a part of whatever, or whoever... I moved so far away from it all I thought it would just melt away. I miss everything and everyone about the place I onced lived happily. My happily ever after had a crappy ending!! Still having those crazy nightmares and mourn the lose of friends and family because of some sick SOB that had take a life so precious to many. Im blabbing just like I did before, i pray this time it doesnt offend anyone else. cpruitt78 my prayers are with you and your family... God BLESS you for all you are... I Miss you and will forever love you Glen G Puder Dear kandysue, welcome back to the board. If you don't mind my asking, do you have post-traumatic stress disorder? I'm wondering as you mention ongoing nightmares. I have PTSD and have ongoing nightmares also. None of us are offended at your venting. I'm very glad we can be here for you! Congratulations on being able to go off some of your medicines! That's wonderful and proves you've done some work on your recovery. Again, welcome back. Take care.
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Post by kandysue on Dec 15, 2010 13:36:42 GMT -5
I do have PTSD , not just from the murder but I served in the Desert Storm90-91; with my ex husband. He wasnt my husband at the time, but hind site of course showed me we was a wacko then. It is beleived now that he (my ex) tried to burn my house down in 2001. I did not want to believe that until 08 it was inevitable that it was him who tried to make it so that I would run to him in 01. Control freaks are like that. He swore it wasnt him. In 08 my ex went to the man I was seeing house to burn it down. In his crazy mind, he thought I was selling my home to move in with Glen (the man my ex stabbed to seath 20+ times). Glen was actually helping me fix mine and the stalker seen that. He must have aalso seen that Glen was making improvments to his home too; he started the remolding before we starting seeing each other. So, ex goes to Glens to burn his down. I dont know what he was thinking, if Glen was at work, or going to work, dont know where all the gas cans were found. But they ended up fighting, with a knife. They never found the knife, so ex got 20, manslaugter, 10 years arson. He killed Glen 6-11-08. Was in jail from 6-12 to 6-23 0r26, it turned into a blurr from right there till just about 6 months ago. His trial was April 22 09 and God willing will rest in peace in jail. Up until 6 months ago I was highly medicated, because of anxiety, depression and I have MS. So that moster came out and stayed out for about 2 years. Anyways here I go again blabbing. Thank You and we will be ok someday... It wont go away, just gets easier to deal with. The nightmares are just from my brain waking up... the reality of it all again flooding the gates of questions ; "the cows"~ could have, ought have, would have, should have. The cows need to go home lol Praise God from where all my blessings come. Forever in love with Glen Kandy Sue
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Dec 19, 2010 19:39:48 GMT -5
I do have PTSD , not just from the murder but I served in the Desert Storm90-91; with my ex husband. He wasnt my husband at the time, but hind site of course showed me we was a wacko then. It is beleived now that he (my ex) tried to burn my house down in 2001. I did not want to believe that until 08 it was inevitable that it was him who tried to make it so that I would run to him in 01. Control freaks are like that. He swore it wasnt him. In 08 my ex went to the man I was seeing house to burn it down. In his crazy mind, he thought I was selling my home to move in with Glen (the man my ex stabbed to seath 20+ times). Glen was actually helping me fix mine and the stalker seen that. He must have aalso seen that Glen was making improvments to his home too; he started the remolding before we starting seeing each other. So, ex goes to Glens to burn his down. I dont know what he was thinking, if Glen was at work, or going to work, dont know where all the gas cans were found. But they ended up fighting, with a knife. They never found the knife, so ex got 20, manslaugter, 10 years arson. He killed Glen 6-11-08. Was in jail from 6-12 to 6-23 0r26, it turned into a blurr from right there till just about 6 months ago. His trial was April 22 09 and God willing will rest in peace in jail. Up until 6 months ago I was highly medicated, because of anxiety, depression and I have MS. So that moster came out and stayed out for about 2 years. Anyways here I go again blabbing. Thank You and we will be ok someday... It wont go away, just gets easier to deal with. The nightmares are just from my brain waking up... the reality of it all again flooding the gates of questions ; "the cows"~ could have, ought have, would have, should have. The cows need to go home lol Praise God from where all my blessings come. Forever in love with Glen Kandy Sue The cows need to go home. I like that. I have been there. Yes the nightmares are very hard. I still have them sometimes, but not nearly so often as I used to. Hoping and praying the day will come that you can cry when you need to, and it will be enough release that you can sleep in peace most nights anyway. I spent part of today just holding some of Beth's things, and letting it out. Maybe that will help me to get through these coming days for others as I need to. Sleep helps to be able to do that. I hope it helps you somehow to know it's possible to get there. Welcome back Kandysue, vent all you need to. That helped me too.
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Post by c21king2queen on Dec 22, 2010 16:06:47 GMT -5
My heart and prayers go out to you. I saw the picture you posted. Beautiful picture!! I can certainly relate to what you have been going through. It has been nearly 3 years since I lost my husband, love of my life and father of my only child. My son was only 14months old when my husband was murdered. I know he was affected deeply by the loss of his father. I have been going through it with my son. To make things worse, following my husband's murder people entered my home and car repeatedly and illegally and played some cruel, sick, twisted and illegal games with my son and I. I know all of this deeply affected my son. We had to move for our physical and emotional safety and I had the locks on my car changed and rekeyed. I now live with a security system and loaded shot gun. All of this happened while the two murderers were sitting in jail and before they were released on bond. I can relate to Post Traumatic Stress and nightmares, I am there!! If you are like me and you have a child that you are raising, the most important thing is protecting and raising that child. All I want now is to protect and raise my son, Justice for my husband, son and I. I am still facing 2 murder trials and a civil court case. What gets me is that one day while I was visiting my husband's grave, my husband's sister showed up and said, "They say it takes about a year to get over these things." She was not close to my husband, her own brother. I wanted to tell her that when she finds the love her life and has a child with him and then he disappears, his body is found 3 days later and his head has been blown off and then she has to endure people entering her home and car repeatedly and illegally and playing cruel, sick, twisted and illegal games with her and her young child then please let me know if you get over it in a year, 2, 3, or ever. I think all of us have been through the kind of experience that you never really get over or forget. We just learn to adjust and live with it for the rest of our lives. With counselling and God's help we can learn to adjust and live with it. A lot of people may not understand what we are going through, but there are others like us who are going through the same thing or similar experience. It helps to share with those who can relate and understand. Prayers for you and all Murder Victim Survivors.
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