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Post by c21king2queen on Feb 3, 2011 17:40:42 GMT -5
With Valentine's Day, my husband's birthday, and my son's birthday all in one week, I am beginning to feel the sadness approaching again. I just got through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and my Birthday in that order. My husband's birthday is 4 days after Valentine's and my son's Birthday is 3 days after my husband's. My husband shoud be here to help celebrate. Holidays, Birthdays, Anniversaries, and special dates are difficult to get through since my husband's murder. It has been nearly 3 years since his murder and it doesn't get easier. I just get tougher and learn to live with it a little more each day. I keep thinking my husband should be here. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. Everyday I pray for Justice for my husband's murder and for all that my son and I have been through since and will continue to go through. On Valentine's Day I should be celebrating with my husband and love of my life. Instead I will be reminded that the love of my life and husband was taken by evil, selfish and greedy people who believe that a piece of land is worth more than a human life. My son will turn 4 years old and my husband will not be here to help celebrate his Birthday again. My son has been talking about "dad" lately. He sees other kids with their dad's or talking about their dad's and he wants his dad. I can't give my son that, I wish that I could. I miss my husband so much and wish that I could wish him a Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Birthday and celebrate with him. Everyday I pray for God to take care of my husband and let him know that our son and I love him and miss him so much and he will always be in our hearts and memories. I pray for Justice!!
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Post by kmwhitley on Feb 4, 2011 0:45:22 GMT -5
I hope the memories can help make these times better for you! We still have to go on with our lives no matter what and I hope you get justice soon so that you can put some kind of closure to what has happened. I definitely know that you will live with the loss for the rest of your life, but would your husband want you to put your life on hold because of what happened? I know it is easier said than done, but what I have done for the last 17 years is ask myself what my mom would have done in this situation or that situation and go from there...that is what has gotten me through it all. I am not saying I don't get down especially the end of January and half of February, but I just muddle through it somehow. I hope things get better for you.
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Post by c21king2queen on Feb 9, 2011 17:35:06 GMT -5
I am not putting my life on hold. My life was taken the moment my husband was murdered. The person everyone sees walking around inside my body only exists to protect and raise my son and see some justice for my husband's murder and for those people who for over a year after my husband's murder entered my home and car repeatedly and illegally and played cruel, sick, twisted and illegal games with my son and I. All of this happened while the 2 murder suspects were in jail and before they were released on house arrest. My son and I have both been traumatized by all of this. In the midst of all of this my son was diagnosed with Autism. I have been so badly and severely and irreversibly traumatized for life. As long as those people are still out there not being held accountable and responsible and sentenced for their crimes and stopped from hurting and destroying other lives, my son and I are not safe and other victims are not safe. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. Death is the only way out of this Hell On Earth for my son and I. As far as what my husband would want for me, I don't know, he will just have to come back from the dead in front of many witnesses and tell me what he wants for me. It has been nearly 3 years since my husband was murdered and I am still waiting for 2 murder trials, one for each of the suspects, followed by a civil court case. Even after the trials are over with, it will never be over for my son and I, we will never truly get closure. We have to live with this for the rest of our lives. I will always love my husband, love of my life and father of my only child. He will always be my son's father. He is with my son and I in our hearts, memories, and in spirit, always. This is my life now and for the rest of my life. I have to constantly be on-guard and aware of my surroundings. My son and I had to move and have all the locks on my car changed and re-keyed. I had my phone number changed and unlisted and a new cell phone number. I now live with a security system, loaded shot-gun and other things I am prepared to use to protect my son and myself. I have learned that I can't depend on anyone to do anything about any of this, protect my son and I, or help us. My life is all about deserving, needing and wanting Justice for my husband, son, and I and it is all about protecting, taking care of and raising my son who is living with Autism.
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Post by kmwhitley on Feb 9, 2011 17:50:48 GMT -5
I didn't mean to imply you are putting your life on hold. I just meant it feels like we should at times but somehow we muddle our way through everything that is thrown at us. I do understand not feeling safe since justice has not been served yet and keeping things going for your son. I am so sorry you are having to go through this nightmare and I wish there was something to say to take it away for you and your son but that is not the case.
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Post by shelly400 on Feb 9, 2011 20:58:26 GMT -5
Sometimes I just pray to God for help. My cousin would have been 42 Febuary 4th. Murder makes you hate holidays. I can not believe that pig is alive and she is dead.
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