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Post by Laura on Jun 13, 2003 20:45:56 GMT -5
Hi. I found this board tonight and wanted to talk to you about a few things. First all let me tell you about myself. In 1991 my mother was found in a Southern CA desert. It will not be solved as there was no evidence left by the time they found her. I was 22 at the time. I didn't even know she was missing. She was missing for about 6 days. They found her 3 days after my daughter died. I was at the hospital in Northern CA at the time with my daughter (so my thoughts were elsewhere to say the least). My daughter died 28 days after being born premature. I am also webmaster of http://find_carla_corley.tripod.com/ They are not calling what happened to my mother a murder. They are saying it is "unknown causes." I was in an abusive relationship and after all that happened I took a reflective time for myself and changed a lot of things. I got a divorce and eventually found the PERFECT husband. We have been married now for 9 years. The reason I am posting is because of a few feelings I have. We live in a very small town. My husband works late at night. I get worried that something will happen to him coming home. Also I cannot sleep in the house unless someone is home. I have 4 small dogs and am getting a German Shepherd puppy tomorrow because I just don't feel safe enough with the small dogs. I don't feel scared when I am out alone or when my husband and I are out, but I do get angry if he stays at the ATM longer than he has to when it is dark and stuff like that. I won't even take the trash cans to the curb after dark until my husband is home. Does this sound weird?
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Jeanne Dotts Brykalski
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Post by Jeanne Dotts Brykalski on Jun 15, 2003 9:59:39 GMT -5
If it , the company publishing Carie's book, "Affermath, in the wake of murder" can be reached at www.chevronpublishing.com. Personally I think every law enforcement agency, and DA's office should have a copy on their shelf to be mandatory reading for ALL prosecutors, victim's advocates, and homicide detectives. It is very insightful and informative. Anyway, what you are feeling is all a part of PTSD, and coping with that can be a real bear. But coming to this board is a great place to start. Don't be too hard on yourself. Hearts and Hugs, Jeanne
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Post by Samantha - Urai's Daughter on Jun 16, 2003 18:58:27 GMT -5
Hi Laura, welcome to the board. I am very sorry about the loss of your Mom. I lost mine too.
PTSD is common among victims and it doesn't necessarily strike when it happens or soon after. Sometimes it takes years or another event to trigger it. For a long time I had an almost compulsive/obsessive need to make sure locks were locked. (Gary broke through a deadbolt door - he broke the glass and turned the lock - when he killed my Mom). I still get fidgety about it on occasion and will checks locks several times, even though I know they are locked. When I built my new home, I made sure the deadbolts were locking deadbolts, only accessible with a key. I won't even keep a key near the door. I know in an emergency that might prove to be a bad choice, but it lets me sleep at night (when I do).
There was a post the other day about cold cases... did you happen to see it? Seems there was a TV show looking for cold cases... anyone remember this information? Maybe it could help your case, Laura, and find out what happened to your Mom.
I'll be thinking and praying for you.
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Post by Snowleopard on Jun 17, 2003 4:23:15 GMT -5
>Does this sound wierd?
Not at all. It does sound like innocence lost and that condition of fortunity depends on the eye of the beholder.
After I had been in security forces for a while, it started to bug me of how long I could be missing til someone started searching. As such, years ago, I started calling my parents at a weekly check in time (well, that realization and following a 70's Jaclyn Smith article of calling her dad everyday). I make an arrival phone call when I'm traveling. Years ago, when taking weekend trips around the East Coast, I would make 12 hour check ins of position, intentions to my answering machine. I carry a trip or bail out backpack in the car which includes a CB radio (I don't carry a cell phone). There are times I've been in Mom's house and something has been amiss to start to shift me to conducting a sweep (I do have my worries about threats because of inheritance). If I'm going someplace that's not part of my daily activities, I have a centrally located calendar that I write down where and when. When Mom's phone was busy for several hours, I went into emergency mode and drove 45 miles to her place (it had been knocked off the hook). Etc..
It could be due to training or life experience but it is there. Little tidbit on my part. Years ago, I would have dreams of "THERE'S AN INTRUDER IN THE HOUSE!" (warning) and the 'autosystem' would wake me up. But whatever was causing the dreams was rather smart because then the dreams started being interwoven. Ie, "(warning)", wake-up occurs, "(warning)", wake-up occurs, and so forth. I would go thru several levels of that. So, it's not 'wierd'. (Whatever was causing the dreams seems to have been neutralized since they have reduced in frequency.)
As how to handle such things, I am not a psychologist to say. In my own way, with various levels of mental insight and self analysis (and a VERY ACTIVE fantasy life such as my dream 'cavalry' are 21st century attack helicopters that come at my call), I tend to locate the triggers (after a while) and turn them off.
But each person is different in life, in experience, and what works for one may not for another. I dare say that after over a decade of working the night shift, of being a diver (and therefore, actually 'flying' in real life), of sleeping in the daylight, how I approach things mentally is probably different.
But regardless, one thing is probably true. It is not wierd. ---------------------------------------------------------- (In a MASH dream where I called for my dream cavalry and waited and waited and waited but they never arrived. In the aftermath, the man with the clipboard: "Oh, btw, Lt. Ounce, your helocopters did arrive, but they went to the wrong 4077th." "Oh, where did they end up?" "Anchorage!")
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