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My Dad
Mar 20, 2011 4:28:49 GMT -5
Post by jessnpton26uk on Mar 20, 2011 4:28:49 GMT -5
Hey my name is Jessica i am new here I am 26 from uk I recently lost my Dad to murder on july 13 2010 I miss him everyday and just dont no what to do with myself I try to keep as bussy as possible so i can try to forget what has happen but it just keeps hitting me over and over harder, I no my Dad is never coming home But why do i still wait for him? Why do i still think there could be a bit of hope? My Dad wasnt just my Dad but my best friend to I havent really got friends who i can talk to Dad was always there now he is not, I find it so hard to cope with, I also am strugggling with the way he died because he was murderd and he wasnt found for three days i find this so hard to take in, I have bad dreams and when i think of Dad i feel sad I want to think of Dad and smile. But at the moment I just cry everytime i hear his name or talk about him .
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My Dad
Mar 20, 2011 5:59:07 GMT -5
Post by tamècasmom on Mar 20, 2011 5:59:07 GMT -5
Dear jessnpton26uk,
I was so sad to read another person is here because a loved way was taken from them, violently. I am happy you found this haven.
Know everything you are feeling you have the right to feel. Most of your answers unfortunately will not get answered.
More than likely you will always have mixed emotions when you think of your beloved father. One thing that has worked for me is when a moment of extreme sadness overcomes me, I pray to the LORD for inner peace. And that is what I will pray for the LORD to bring you some peace.
The people on this board have helped me and I pray they help you as well. Remember you are not alone....we are here for you.
I pray God gives you the strength you will need to get through this difficult journey you now have to take because of some person's murderous hands.
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My Dad
Mar 20, 2011 13:29:42 GMT -5
Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Mar 20, 2011 13:29:42 GMT -5
Hello Jessica, I am so sorry your Dad was taken from you, and so sorry you have reason to deal with all these conflicting emotions, as tamecasmom has said. That has been so true for me too, and I think for many. I think from studies I have read that it is the trauma of the murder that makes this so very hard. Studies have shown that trauma can affect our brains, and how we react to memories, in so many ways. I've read that traumatic memories are even stored in a different part of our brains than "normal" memories, so that when we think of anything to do with them, we don't just remember, we FEEL it again too. So through the years I have come to believe that this is unfortunately a natural human reaction that is to be expected. It was very hard for me too.....that for the first years I could not think of my daughter without also thinking of what happened to her. Even if the good memories are some comfort, this certainly has made even wonderful good precious memories of her to be bittersweet at best many many times. From what I have read here over the years, this does seem to be normal for many of us. There are things that have helped. I can think of the good memories of her at least sometimes now,without it always ending in tears anyway. Prayer has helped me too, to bring some comfort that God is listening perhaps, even if nothing changed about it on that day yet. I think therapy helped me over the years too. And journaling about my feelings. Seems the more I write of the good memories, that is a bit stronger THOSE memories can become over time. Memorializing her on special days - with flowers, writing something to her, any way I can think of - those things seem to have helped it over time too. I have times I just try to "forget" for a while too, like taking a rest. But I don't really believe we can forget things so tragic for people we loved so very much and were such a huge part of our lives. Maybe we have to find ways to do the hard grief work to be able to walk through this life better again? Maybe so. I know people who have found help coping by talking to grief counselors. And people have been helped by therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy was helpful to me). Talking to others who have been there and understand has helped me a LOT too. It is no surprise if we need help in learning to deal with all this trauma thrust upon us. Nothing in life could have prepared us for this. But we don't have to do everything in one day either. I think when I was at the worst depths of this aftermath, it helped to sometimes just grant myself the permission to say "okay, I will just do what is immediately needed today, and the rest will still be there tomorrow". Once again, I am so sad to say I am sorry you have reason to be here, but I hope that we can help in some small way. Janet
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My Dad
Mar 21, 2011 13:23:54 GMT -5
Post by jessnpton26uk on Mar 21, 2011 13:23:54 GMT -5
Thank you Do you really think one day ill be able to see my Dad again, I really hope one day i will I never did beleive in anything before Dad died But i now beleive He must be somewhere? I talk to dad alot around my house and i still email him Do you think he will see? So sorry for all your losses too
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My Dad
Mar 21, 2011 16:21:29 GMT -5
Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Mar 21, 2011 16:21:29 GMT -5
This is what I truly believe, Jessica........ the last lines of a poem I wrote that is on my daughter's gravestone....
"When our chores here are done, may we come to His Grace And the beautiful sight of your sweet smiling face In Glory."
The love never ends. They cannot take that from us
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My Dad
Jun 25, 2011 0:21:44 GMT -5
Post by debbie71 on Jun 25, 2011 0:21:44 GMT -5
Hi Jess my name is Debbie I lost my brother july last year and I feel u took the words right of my mouth on the way u feel.
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