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Post by c21king2queen on Apr 25, 2011 16:35:21 GMT -5
3 years ago today my husband was still alive, my son still had his dad. 3 years ago tomorrow morning I stood in the doorway of our new home, holding our son and waving to my husband as he backed out of the driveway with the top down on his convertible and his sunglasses on. He was supposed to be home at 6:00 or 6:30 at the latest that evening. His body was found 3 days later in a shallow grave. The morning after his body was found my son pointed to a picture next to my bed and said, "Daddy!" This morning my son said, "Daddy is going to give me a T-shirt. They have cars and trains in Heaven. Daddy plays with cars and trains in Heaven." After my husband's body was found, he was sent to the State Medical Examiner's Office, nearly 4 hours away. They kept his body for 2 weeks. His body was released on Mother's Day of all days. The Autopsy report said that the top of his head was missing, eyes not present, brains not present and maggots crawling all over him. I will live with this nightmare for the rest of my life and most especially on April 26th, Mother's Day, May 15th, and the days in between and surrounding. Every holiday, Birthday and Anniversary is so difficult. This is the sort of nightmare I will never get over or forget. I just have to deal with it and live with it. I get tired of hearing people say things like, "Time heals all wounds." That is not true. My wounds will never heal. It is true that in time you learn to live with it and deal with it and learn to mask and hide or bury the pain and learn to stop talking about it, because no one really cares and they are tired of hearing about it. I have decided that it is better for me to go back to being quiet and not talk about things, like I did before my husband was murdered. I will always love him. He will always be the love of my life and father of my only child. People who say that divorce is like a death, they are wrong. I would rather divorce than loose someone the way I lost my husband, love of my life and father of my only child. I never wanted to divorce my husband, but if I had lost him to divorce instead at least he would be alive and my son would still have his father in his life. Divorce is something you can get over and move on from. The way I lost my husband is not something you get over or move on from. I have to live with and in this nightmare for the rest of my life. I also have a fatherless son to raise, protect, and provide for. Thank God that I have somehow managed for about 3 years. It is by the Grace of God that I am surviving and managing to protect and raise my son. I hope that someday my son will grow up and put them all to such shame, those involved in my husband's murder and in mishandling his case. That would be a form of justice. My Easter present came just under a week before Easter when I spent 2 days in court, but it was worth it for the results. The new DA charged both suspects with a new and 3rd charge which was presented to the Grand Jury for indictment. They were indicted last Monday for Armed Robbery, arrested and put back in Jail with their bonds raised to $1 Million. One of the suspects had been out on $250,000 bond for about a year and 1/2. The other suspect had been out for about a year. Now they are both back in Jail. I don't think they will get out this time and I certainly pray they don't. The new indictment was added and combined with the previous indictments. Now they are facing a Felony Murder charge of Armed Robbery, 1st Degree Murder, and Felony Conspiracy. It was a bit of relief for me. Finally, it seems like things are going our way, in favor of victims instead of in favor of criminals. I pray that things continue to go in favor of Victims and we can put the criminals in prison for the rest of their lives. I believe the new DA is a good one, finally. I think I can be patient now and just let this DA do his job. The day they were arrested on the new indictment and put back in jail, I kept saying over and over, "Thank You, God!! Thank You, Jesus!! Thank You, New DA!!" :'(Remembering my husband on April 26th, the anniversary of his murder, through May 15th, the day he was buried . Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, love him, and remember him.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Apr 25, 2011 22:31:44 GMT -5
3 years ago today my husband was still alive, my son still had his dad. 3 years ago tomorrow morning I stood in the doorway of our new home, holding our son and waving to my husband as he backed out of the driveway with the top down on his convertible and his sunglasses on. He was supposed to be home at 6:00 or 6:30 at the latest that evening. His body was found 3 days later in a shallow grave. The morning after his body was found my son pointed to a picture next to my bed and said, "Daddy!" This morning my son said, "Daddy is going to give me a T-shirt. They have cars and trains in Heaven. Daddy plays with cars and trains in Heaven." After my husband's body was found, he was sent to the State Medical Examiner's Office, nearly 4 hours away. They kept his body for 2 weeks. His body was released on Mother's Day of all days. The Autopsy report said that the top of his head was missing, eyes not present, brains not present and maggots crawling all over him. I will live with this nightmare for the rest of my life and most especially on April 26th, Mother's Day, May 15th, and the days in between and surrounding. Every holiday, Birthday and Anniversary is so difficult. This is the sort of nightmare I will never get over or forget. I just have to deal with it and live with it. I get tired of hearing people say things like, "Time heals all wounds." That is not true. My wounds will never heal. It is true that in time you learn to live with it and deal with it and learn to mask and hide or bury the pain and learn to stop talking about it, because no one really cares and they are tired of hearing about it. I have decided that it is better for me to go back to being quiet and not talk about things, like I did before my husband was murdered. I will always love him. He will always be the love of my life and father of my only child. People who say that divorce is like a death, they are wrong. I would rather divorce than loose someone the way I lost my husband, love of my life and father of my only child. I never wanted to divorce my husband, but if I had lost him to divorce instead at least he would be alive and my son would still have his father in his life. Divorce is something you can get over and move on from. The way I lost my husband is not something you get over or move on from. I have to live with and in this nightmare for the rest of my life. I also have a fatherless son to raise, protect, and provide for. Thank God that I have somehow managed for about 3 years. It is by the Grace of God that I am surviving and managing to protect and raise my son. I hope that someday my son will grow up and put them all to such shame, those involved in my husband's murder and in mishandling his case. That would be a form of justice. My Easter present came just under a week before Easter when I spent 2 days in court, but it was worth it for the results. The new DA charged both suspects with a new and 3rd charge which was presented to the Grand Jury for indictment. They were indicted last Monday for Armed Robbery, arrested and put back in Jail with their bonds raised to $1 Million. One of the suspects had been out on $250,000 bond for about a year and 1/2. The other suspect had been out for about a year. Now they are both back in Jail. I don't think they will get out this time and I certainly pray they don't. The new indictment was added and combined with the previous indictments. Now they are facing a Felony Murder charge of Armed Robbery, 1st Degree Murder, and Felony Conspiracy. It was a bit of relief for me. Finally, it seems like things are going our way, in favor of victims instead of in favor of criminals. I pray that things continue to go in favor of Victims and we can put the criminals in prison for the rest of their lives. I believe the new DA is a good one, finally. I think I can be patient now and just let this DA do his job. The day they were arrested on the new indictment and put back in jail, I kept saying over and over, "Thank You, God!! Thank You, Jesus!! Thank You, New DA!!" :'(Remembering my husband on April 26th, the anniversary of his murder, through May 15th, the day he was buried . Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, love him, and remember him. "Thank You, God!! Thank You, Jesus!! Thank You, New DA!" I agree wholeheartedly. This is such good news, dear lady. and thank you to the voters who were smart enough to put that DA who cares about doing his job and protecting the law-abiding citizens into office. And I am so grateful this was done before you face April 26 and those days in May again. I hope and pray that somehow it will help you at least a bit on these days that are so hard to get through. I hope and pray that the good news keeps coming, and that the best justice there can be is done for your precious husband.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Apr 26, 2011 17:45:34 GMT -5
Thinking of you today. Praying for God's care for you. big cyber (((HUGS))) are going out to you and your son
Janet
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Post by insideout on May 3, 2011 8:58:09 GMT -5
Hi C21king2queen Im new here and i've been reading your posts. You are one strong woman. I didnt loose my husband true, but when my friend was mudered there was a few things i tried to hold tight to. My best friend in the world told me when i was feeling hopless "dont cry because its over, smile because its happend." im not saying smile because your husbands dead, god far from. What im saying is, just be happy that you and your son had him. He sounds like an amazing man and heaven is definately blessed to count him among the angels there . Another thing my best friend told me when i was distraught about hannah. He grabbed me by the shoulders and said "Do you think the ones we love ever truely leave us!!!!" and hes right, they dont. You still have your husband, just in a different way. Not physically. But you can talk to him in heaven any time you like. Your son still has his father. His father is watching him from heaven and guiding him from up there. I know at times in this we all feel alone. But its those times i found where those we lost are the strongest with us. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayrs. Anniversarys are tough, its hard for me and she was just my friend. But dont loose sight of the fact that he still loves you. He's just not here to say it, but im sure in heaven hes doing everything he can and then some to look after you, and his son. He'd want you to be ok. Its good news about the DA! lets hope you get some closure. And i thought 11 months of trials was bad. 3 years man thats horrible. But at least maybe soon you'll get some peace.
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Post by c21king2queen on May 8, 2011 13:37:18 GMT -5
Thanks for your comments! Insideout mentioned something about closure. For at least some of us there never will be closure, may'be some Justice and an end to a chapter. Certainly for me there never will be closure, may'be some Justice and an end to a chapter. What I have been through in the way I lost my husband and everything that has happened since, I will never really get over or forget. I just have to learn how to live with it one day at a time. I hope that by the end of this year, my husband's case can be used to set an example. I hope everyone will see and learn that no piece of land is worth more than a human life, that our lives are worth so much more than anything and everyone should be held accountable and responsible. I want tougher laws for criminals. This is not acceptable behavior. Let's stop enabling, supporting, and allowing this.
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Post by melody on May 13, 2011 0:19:55 GMT -5
I am so sorry for all of this C21K2Q. Three years is not much time at all, and your husband... your soul mate and your baby's father, it is just too much. I am going on 6 years since my brother was murdered. We have had resolution in court already so that puts that aspect aside. There is no such thing as closure. I see men my brother's should be now age and just get sad and mad. That should be my brother right now I am not going to say it gets easier, because I definitely still have horrible moments. For me it's about balance of thoughts. Early on after my brother died it was all consuming, so my bad thoughts totally outweighed my good thoughts. In the years since I gave birth to a child 3 years ago, changed jobs, etc. So I started to have more good thoughts. Still had the bad thoughts, but started building more good thoughts. Eventually I expect my good thoughts will outweigh the bad ones. I will never stop thinking about my brother and his unfair death and how much I miss him, but I get to counter that with new good thoughts.
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