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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on May 2, 2011 17:09:28 GMT -5
It was 10 years ago yesterday that I last saw our Bethena alive and healthy. She told me "I love you, Mommy, buh-bye" and gave me a hug. Then she was gone. The next time I saw her, I was hoping it would not be her, would not be her they had in that hospital, but it was. 10 years so long, but at times seems just yesterday too. I know that you all know what I mean. There we are again. I am so much better at getting through most days now than I was then. Someone said once on here that we get better at walking around in it. I believe that wholeheartedly. I don't remember who it was that first said that here, but they are so right. It is the perfect way to describe it as far as I am concerned. 10 years ago tomorrow was when they pronounced her brain dead. Yes it can still hurt so much it physically aches, and on days like today and tomorrow it does. But I followed some of my own advice for a change yesterday. I have been telling others of us for years that I hoped and prayed the good memories could help at least a bit in getting through the worst of it. I wrote on FB and asked if those who knew our Bethena could please write to me and tell me a happy memory of Bethena that they have, that I thought it might help me. Some wrote on the post, some sent me messages. And yes while reading them I could smile through the tears - bittersweet, as our newest friend here said very recently. I still miss her, I'll always miss her and all that should have been so very much, but I don't have to feel like I'm the only one that does for this time either. Many people do turn away from us not knowing what to say. Maybe sometimes some will listen if we tell them what we would like to hear? Well I found it can work sometimes, if they can cope with it themselves at the time too. And I am so grateful for that. And that Bethena mattered to them too. (((HUGS))) to all of you, thank you for being here to listen to my ramblings too. Janet
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Post by pumpkin12903 on May 3, 2011 9:44:30 GMT -5
It was 10 years ago yesterday that I last saw our Bethena alive and healthy. She told me "I love you, Mommy, buh-bye" and gave me a hug. Then she was gone. The next time I saw her, I was hoping it would not be her, would not be her they had in that hospital, but it was. 10 years so long, but at times seems just yesterday too. I know that you all know what I mean. There we are again. I am so much better at getting through most days now than I was then. Someone said once on here that we get better at walking around in it. I believe that wholeheartedly. I don't remember who it was that first said that here, but they are so right. It is the perfect way to describe it as far as I am concerned. 10 years ago tomorrow was when they pronounced her brain dead. Yes it can still hurt so much it physically aches, and on days like today and tomorrow it does. But I followed some of my own advice for a change yesterday. I have been telling others of us for years that I hoped and prayed the good memories could help at least a bit in getting through the worst of it. I wrote on FB and asked if those who knew our Bethena could please write to me and tell me a happy memory of Bethena that they have, that I thought it might help me. Some wrote on the post, some sent me messages. And yes while reading them I could smile through the tears - bittersweet, as our newest friend here said very recently. I still miss her, I'll always miss her and all that should have been so very much, but I don't have to feel like I'm the only one that does for this time either. Many people do turn away from us not knowing what to say. Maybe sometimes some will listen if we tell them what we would like to hear? Well I found it can work sometimes, if they can cope with it themselves at the time too. And I am so grateful for that. And that Bethena mattered to them too. (((HUGS))) to all of you, thank you for being here to listen to my ramblings too. Janet Yes, the sadiversaries are very hard days. But, as you say, there ARE those out there who DO understand, just not as many of them as needed! There's a lot of work to do and this board is a wonderful PART of that work! I see it as HUGE progress if even 1 person asks us MVS what to say (like you stated). At least they give SOME kind of damn then! Too many don't, but I say be thankful for those who do. You think of her every day and it's 100% understandable. How can we NOT? I had a real ###*** tell me last year how horrible it is to keep thinking of our murdered loved 1's. RIGHT! I pointed out that MVS don't even make the effort to think of them: we just DO at least once a day. How could we NOT? And, if we're not taking out our upset on others, etc., then what in the world is WRONG WITH this? NOTHING! It's just some ###*** revel in ordering MVS around that they feel threatened by in any way, etc. It's a huge deal you're on here helping (thank you again!) and I know you do other work also that's related to MVS issues. Yes, we do get better walking around in it if we choose to. It's a choice once you become an MVS: do you work on recovery or not? We think of our loved 1's and/or friends every day and that's OK. ###*** anyone who thinks that's sick. Thanks for sharing and for being here CONSISTENTLY (helping with all newcomers, etc.).
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on May 3, 2011 9:59:43 GMT -5
It was 10 years ago yesterday that I last saw our Bethena alive and healthy. She told me "I love you, Mommy, buh-bye" and gave me a hug. Then she was gone. The next time I saw her, I was hoping it would not be her, would not be her they had in that hospital, but it was. 10 years so long, but at times seems just yesterday too. I know that you all know what I mean. There we are again. I am so much better at getting through most days now than I was then. Someone said once on here that we get better at walking around in it. I believe that wholeheartedly. I don't remember who it was that first said that here, but they are so right. It is the perfect way to describe it as far as I am concerned. 10 years ago tomorrow was when they pronounced her brain dead. Yes it can still hurt so much it physically aches, and on days like today and tomorrow it does. But I followed some of my own advice for a change yesterday. I have been telling others of us for years that I hoped and prayed the good memories could help at least a bit in getting through the worst of it. I wrote on FB and asked if those who knew our Bethena could please write to me and tell me a happy memory of Bethena that they have, that I thought it might help me. Some wrote on the post, some sent me messages. And yes while reading them I could smile through the tears - bittersweet, as our newest friend here said very recently. I still miss her, I'll always miss her and all that should have been so very much, but I don't have to feel like I'm the only one that does for this time either. Many people do turn away from us not knowing what to say. Maybe sometimes some will listen if we tell them what we would like to hear? Well I found it can work sometimes, if they can cope with it themselves at the time too. And I am so grateful for that. And that Bethena mattered to them too. (((HUGS))) to all of you, thank you for being here to listen to my ramblings too. Janet Yes, the sadiversaries are very hard days. But, as you say, there ARE those out there who DO understand, just not as many of them as needed! There's a lot of work to do and this board is a wonderful PART of that work! I see it as HUGE progress if even 1 person asks us MVS what to say (like you stated). At least they give SOME kind of damn then! Too many don't, but I say be thankful for those who do. You think of her every day and it's 100% understandable. How can we NOT? I had a real ###*** tell me last year how horrible it is to keep thinking of our murdered loved 1's. RIGHT! I pointed out that MVS don't even make the effort to think of them: we just DO at least once a day. How could we NOT? And, if we're not taking out our upset on others, etc., then what in the world is WRONG WITH this? NOTHING! It's just some ###*** revel in ordering MVS around that they feel threatened by in any way, etc. It's a huge deal you're on here helping (thank you again!) and I know you do other work also that's related to MVS issues. Yes, we do get better walking around in it if we choose to. It's a choice once you become an MVS: do you work on recovery or not? We think of our loved 1's and/or friends every day and that's OK. ###*** anyone who thinks that's sick. Thanks for sharing and for being here CONSISTENTLY (helping with all newcomers, etc.). Yes that get over it mentality just makes me ill. Every parent thinks of their child every day. Every spouse thinks of their spouse every day. Every child thinks of their parents every day. Most people think of their best friends every day. And they are still our relatives/friends in our hearts. The love never ends. Who are these whackos that try to act like it's not normal to think of them - it's the most normal thing there could be! No one should be trying to wish them out of existence, as if they never were, or never mattered. That is just wrong. And there is a big difference between that kind of vicious hurtful behavior, and someone simply not knowing what to say. Thank you for being here too, pumpkin
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Post by pumpkin12903 on May 4, 2011 6:44:27 GMT -5
Yes, the sadiversaries are very hard days. But, as you say, there ARE those out there who DO understand, just not as many of them as needed! There's a lot of work to do and this board is a wonderful PART of that work! I see it as HUGE progress if even 1 person asks us MVS what to say (like you stated). At least they give SOME kind of damn then! Too many don't, but I say be thankful for those who do. You think of her every day and it's 100% understandable. How can we NOT? I had a real ###*** tell me last year how horrible it is to keep thinking of our murdered loved 1's. RIGHT! I pointed out that MVS don't even make the effort to think of them: we just DO at least once a day. How could we NOT? And, if we're not taking out our upset on others, etc., then what in the world is WRONG WITH this? NOTHING! It's just some ###*** revel in ordering MVS around that they feel threatened by in any way, etc. It's a huge deal you're on here helping (thank you again!) and I know you do other work also that's related to MVS issues. Yes, we do get better walking around in it if we choose to. It's a choice once you become an MVS: do you work on recovery or not? We think of our loved 1's and/or friends every day and that's OK. ###*** anyone who thinks that's sick. Thanks for sharing and for being here CONSISTENTLY (helping with all newcomers, etc.). Yes that get over it mentality just makes me ill. Every parent thinks of their child every day. Every spouse thinks of their spouse every day. Every child thinks of their parents every day. Most people think of their best friends every day. And they are still our relatives/friends in our hearts. The love never ends. Who are these whackos that try to act like it's not normal to think of them - it's the most normal thing there could be! No one should be trying to wish them out of existence, as if they never were, or never mattered. That is just wrong. And there is a big difference between that kind of vicious hurtful behavior, and someone simply not knowing what to say. Thank you for being here too, pumpkin I'd love to know what ###*** started the EVIL "move on" and "get over it" mentality. Those are 2 of the most hated COMMANDS that MVS and any person who's had any kind of trauma get. I also love the "you're weak" if you have post-traumatic stress disorder, nervous breakdown, panic disorder, take time off work after a trauma, etc. RIGHT! Your mind and body reacting the way they're meant to after a trauma means you're weak. Hilarious! I was told by someone last year that's it's completely my fault I have panic disorder (what I love with this ###*** is they NEVER say because you caused your disease 100% you should be cured 100% already) and that PTSD isn't a real disease and that "doctors fake medical records". I guess mine are faked also. This stuff is so sick and plain WILLFULLY IGNORANT it's literally funny. Please never quit talking about Bethena and I know you'll never stop thinking of her at least once a day. It's needed for us to talk about our murdered loved 1's and/or friends to DISPROVE these willfully ignorant ###*** that demean and lie about those of us who have had any kind of trauma. Speaking of not knowing what to say, I'm strongly considering writing a small "guide" about how to talk to MVS. What to say, what not to say. The ###*** out there like I talked about above will hate it, but ###*** them. Like you said above, there ARE at least a few who DO CARE to learn about MVS. Thank God for them!
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