Post by uncleeddiesniece on Jul 30, 2011 10:17:04 GMT -5
Hello everyone,
It has been a while. My heart and sympathies go out to those new here. I hope you find some comfort here, as I have. At this time I do not have words of wisdom or support as I am feeling lost w/my own grief.
So the anniv. date nears for my uncle's murder (8/2). The past few years we have traveled during this time....sorta eases the heart wrenching pain. This year, we traveled a few weeks ago. So, I am feeling it today!
I have to vent here cuz I know all of you understand what I am feeling and going thru. It will be 11 years since my Uncle Ed was murdered (8/2/2000, his b-day would have been 8/12).
Some years are easier than others. I dont like it. I hate that I still, after all these years, feel this way. That I still, after all these years, feel this gut wrenching pain, grief, depression, despair. I literally feel broken inside and I dont like it.
I can't get past these terrible painful feelings. I feel so on edge. I dont want to do anything or smile or laugh or be a part of anything. My husband's family is in town, reunion, etc....I just want to isolate! It is like I dont care. I dont have "my" family around to look forward to seeing (as if his family is not mine, also).
This grief just takes over and rules my life and I dont know how to stop it!
What I do today is try to take care of myself. I planned for vacation days off work cuz I never know, day by day, how this grief will affect me. Some times I cannot function enough to push the correct buttons on the phone! I am in the medical field, so I need to be certain if I work, that I can function and think clearly.
I cant drown my sorrows in drink or substance as I have 14 yrs of sobriety and not willing to throw that away cuz it won't help anyways!
So, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I wanted to post/share/vent here cuz I know you understand. Here, I dont feel crazy, or feel that I should be locked up or placed on intense antidepressants/antipsychotics for feeling this way. I know it will pass and ease up, however, during this time I am feeling really dark and isolated and alone. However, deep down I know I am not alone as this group is here and you all have been where I am.
Thank you for listening/reading my vent/share. I am truly grateful to have this group here to share my innermost feelings.
It has been a while. My heart and sympathies go out to those new here. I hope you find some comfort here, as I have. At this time I do not have words of wisdom or support as I am feeling lost w/my own grief.
So the anniv. date nears for my uncle's murder (8/2). The past few years we have traveled during this time....sorta eases the heart wrenching pain. This year, we traveled a few weeks ago. So, I am feeling it today!
I have to vent here cuz I know all of you understand what I am feeling and going thru. It will be 11 years since my Uncle Ed was murdered (8/2/2000, his b-day would have been 8/12).
Some years are easier than others. I dont like it. I hate that I still, after all these years, feel this way. That I still, after all these years, feel this gut wrenching pain, grief, depression, despair. I literally feel broken inside and I dont like it.
I can't get past these terrible painful feelings. I feel so on edge. I dont want to do anything or smile or laugh or be a part of anything. My husband's family is in town, reunion, etc....I just want to isolate! It is like I dont care. I dont have "my" family around to look forward to seeing (as if his family is not mine, also).
This grief just takes over and rules my life and I dont know how to stop it!
What I do today is try to take care of myself. I planned for vacation days off work cuz I never know, day by day, how this grief will affect me. Some times I cannot function enough to push the correct buttons on the phone! I am in the medical field, so I need to be certain if I work, that I can function and think clearly.
I cant drown my sorrows in drink or substance as I have 14 yrs of sobriety and not willing to throw that away cuz it won't help anyways!
So, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I wanted to post/share/vent here cuz I know you understand. Here, I dont feel crazy, or feel that I should be locked up or placed on intense antidepressants/antipsychotics for feeling this way. I know it will pass and ease up, however, during this time I am feeling really dark and isolated and alone. However, deep down I know I am not alone as this group is here and you all have been where I am.
Thank you for listening/reading my vent/share. I am truly grateful to have this group here to share my innermost feelings.