Post by uncleeddiesniece on Aug 3, 2011 15:23:48 GMT -5
So Aug 2 came and went. I spent the day at the fair w/my sister. Got to laugh and scream on a few rides which was really fun and well needed! I do not laugh a whole lot like that anymore!
Today, I am having a really really hard time. I did manage to get out for a jog w/my puppies. I can't think clearly. I can barely breathe.
I managed to shower. I can't eat. I can barely concentrate to read.
I have cried. My chest is soooo darn tight w/grief I cant stand it!!
I am biting my tongue as I am writing this next part............I have cursed Eugene the murderer, cursed him to a slow painful hideous writhing death, along w/his family for the pain I and my family have had to endure for the past 11 years.
I hate to feel this way. The vile curses and thoughts coming out of my mouth and in my head today about the murderer and his family. I am filled with so much terrible hatred and resentment. I feel yucky.
I was talking to my sister in law about the grief the other day, and she said, "yea, I know how ya feel, I feel the same way with my mom". I wanted to turn to her and yell at her and tell her she does NOT know how I feel. Her mom wasn't torn out of her life violently, shot in the back numerous times, even when he was down, he was shot again!!! But I held it in.........
I cant breathe today. I cant do anything. I guess it is ok and I will get thru this. I hope God and everyone else can forgive me for the vile hatred coming out of me today!! I have lost sooo many days to grief. It makes me sick!!
I apologize if I offended anyone here.....not my intent. I just needed to vent again. This grief and anger is just soooo heavy.
Today, I am having a really really hard time. I did manage to get out for a jog w/my puppies. I can't think clearly. I can barely breathe.
I managed to shower. I can't eat. I can barely concentrate to read.
I have cried. My chest is soooo darn tight w/grief I cant stand it!!
I am biting my tongue as I am writing this next part............I have cursed Eugene the murderer, cursed him to a slow painful hideous writhing death, along w/his family for the pain I and my family have had to endure for the past 11 years.
I hate to feel this way. The vile curses and thoughts coming out of my mouth and in my head today about the murderer and his family. I am filled with so much terrible hatred and resentment. I feel yucky.
I was talking to my sister in law about the grief the other day, and she said, "yea, I know how ya feel, I feel the same way with my mom". I wanted to turn to her and yell at her and tell her she does NOT know how I feel. Her mom wasn't torn out of her life violently, shot in the back numerous times, even when he was down, he was shot again!!! But I held it in.........
I cant breathe today. I cant do anything. I guess it is ok and I will get thru this. I hope God and everyone else can forgive me for the vile hatred coming out of me today!! I have lost sooo many days to grief. It makes me sick!!
I apologize if I offended anyone here.....not my intent. I just needed to vent again. This grief and anger is just soooo heavy.