Post by insideout on Nov 1, 2011 19:11:15 GMT -5
well where do i start with the past 7 days. Maybe to say they have been, behind the week after hannahs murder, the wost week of my life.
I lost another childhood friend this week to the angels in heaven. Only he didnt die at the hand of another or of natural causes. He took his own life. He was only 16. He had a girlfriend and a baby daughter due in less than a month. Today (his funeral) would have been his 17th birthday. He also had an identical twin brother. Thanks to David's selfishness, michael had to spend his birthday attending his twin brothers funeral. It was at MaQuarie Park Crematorium, right opposite where Hannah was cremated. He is to be interred in a wall there overlooking the beautiful Sydney Harbour. But now another Barbara and John are without their son, Kieran, Sophie, Connor and Michael are without their brother, Sarah is without her soul mate and little April Rose will enter the world and grow up without her father. I dont get it because he had so much to live for. Now his little girl will never get to know her daddy. How unfair is that?! They found a letter that he wrote to her for when shes old enough and it gives some answers yes, but it makes me more angry at him in some ways too. Here it is:
20 October 2011
TO MY DAUGHTER:
To My Little Girl, First off, I want to tell you I love you so much. Words could never explain the love a father has for his daughter. I know I'm not with you right now but I am in your heart always. You came into this world as an unsuspected surprise of joy. When your mum and I found out that she was pregnant with you, we didn't know what we were going to do. We were so young and inexperienced in life yet. We didn't believe in abortion nor did we want to leave you in the care of someone else. But at the same time, i was only 16 and I didn't feel ready to be the daddy that you deserve. After thinking and thinking and thinking I came to realize that this was the best thing for you. I knew that's what I needed to do in order for you to have the best life. I love you so much, sweetheart. I actually love u so much where I can detach myself from you to give you a better life. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I believe that as a parent you have to make sacrifices for your children, and losing you was my sacrifice; my emotional distress was my sacrifice, and no*deleted*ching you grow up my sacrifice. I only did it to deliver with the absolute best that I could, for you and you only. The moment I found out you were going to be brought into this world you became exactly that ... my world. Me and your mum were very young and i knew that you didn't deserve to be raised and brought into my unstable life-- it's just not fair to you, and that's all I ever think about is you. Honey, you are my strength through this, you have no clue how hard this is. I am writing this so years from now, when you are old enough to understand, you can read this and have the answers about why I was not a part of your life. I knew from the start that this would be the best for you. You do not deserve me as your father. You deserve somene older, more mature and a better person. I know it sounds crazy that it would be hard as a parent to give their child the best, but when you are a parent and giving your child the best includes admiting that they dont deserve you, it becomes the hardest thing. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The thought of what kind of dad I wanted to be and what you deserve just didn't mix. It's very hard to admit that you don't deserve me as your dad, but that comes with maturity and you have to be mature to be a parent. You were innocent. You didn't ask to be brought into this world and you didn't choose your parents. Your mum and me made an irresponsible mistake not using protection. I will not punish you for that. My little baby girl, you are everything to me and so much more. That's why I gave you the life you deserve. I just want you to know that you were my first and only and I will always love you no matter what. I think about you everyday. You are everything to me. I don't EVER, EVER want you to think I didn't want you. I would have loved to be there and squeeze you everyday and see that beautiful face every morning. I would have loved to let you ride on my back and be that little pony you always wanted ... but it wasn't about what I wanted. It was about you and what was best for you. I know I missed out on a lot of things in your life, but you will always be a part of my heart and you will always be my little girl. If and whenever you miss me, just put your hand over your heart and count those beats ... I am in every one of them forever. You will never be alone in this world and don't ever forget that. I love you forever, that's why I picked out that special word on the back your blanket that you will never go away, baby girl. I'll forever be your heart, your air, your soul and your spirit. I am inevery breath you take and every beat in your heart ... I know I missed watching you grow up. I missed seeing you born, you learning to crawl, then walk, then talk. I missed reading you stories and playing pony with you. I missed your first day of school. I missed you crying, smiling and laughing. I missed seeing you play with your friends, seeing you finish school, getting your first boyfriend and walking you down the isle at your wedding. But i want you to know that i was with you all the time. If ever you feel alone, remember that I am always with you. You have never and will never be alone in this world honey. I am forever with you and I will always love you ... you are in my thoughts every day and i am so proud that you were mine. I love you more than anything forever.
Love, Your Daddy David
Tell your mum and and uncle mikey i said hi!
they're awesome aren't they...
I dont know where to go with this, so im hoping i can find some support on here.
David, i really will miss you. Everyone will. You were a great person who tried to always do good by everyone. You were friendly and funny and so full of life. You always had a smile on your face and im sorry for not being there for you too when i should have. You were always there for me and i hope that whatever lead you to do this, you are free from it now. I hope that heaven is all it is said to be because you deserve it. Watch over your family and friends, especially your Mother and Father, twin Michael, and ESPECIALLY little April. We were always here for you david and we always will be. I will always love you mate. As you last said to me "ill see you tomorrow" and tomorrow is only ever one day away. So until tomorrow buddy.
I lost another childhood friend this week to the angels in heaven. Only he didnt die at the hand of another or of natural causes. He took his own life. He was only 16. He had a girlfriend and a baby daughter due in less than a month. Today (his funeral) would have been his 17th birthday. He also had an identical twin brother. Thanks to David's selfishness, michael had to spend his birthday attending his twin brothers funeral. It was at MaQuarie Park Crematorium, right opposite where Hannah was cremated. He is to be interred in a wall there overlooking the beautiful Sydney Harbour. But now another Barbara and John are without their son, Kieran, Sophie, Connor and Michael are without their brother, Sarah is without her soul mate and little April Rose will enter the world and grow up without her father. I dont get it because he had so much to live for. Now his little girl will never get to know her daddy. How unfair is that?! They found a letter that he wrote to her for when shes old enough and it gives some answers yes, but it makes me more angry at him in some ways too. Here it is:
20 October 2011
TO MY DAUGHTER:
To My Little Girl, First off, I want to tell you I love you so much. Words could never explain the love a father has for his daughter. I know I'm not with you right now but I am in your heart always. You came into this world as an unsuspected surprise of joy. When your mum and I found out that she was pregnant with you, we didn't know what we were going to do. We were so young and inexperienced in life yet. We didn't believe in abortion nor did we want to leave you in the care of someone else. But at the same time, i was only 16 and I didn't feel ready to be the daddy that you deserve. After thinking and thinking and thinking I came to realize that this was the best thing for you. I knew that's what I needed to do in order for you to have the best life. I love you so much, sweetheart. I actually love u so much where I can detach myself from you to give you a better life. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I believe that as a parent you have to make sacrifices for your children, and losing you was my sacrifice; my emotional distress was my sacrifice, and no*deleted*ching you grow up my sacrifice. I only did it to deliver with the absolute best that I could, for you and you only. The moment I found out you were going to be brought into this world you became exactly that ... my world. Me and your mum were very young and i knew that you didn't deserve to be raised and brought into my unstable life-- it's just not fair to you, and that's all I ever think about is you. Honey, you are my strength through this, you have no clue how hard this is. I am writing this so years from now, when you are old enough to understand, you can read this and have the answers about why I was not a part of your life. I knew from the start that this would be the best for you. You do not deserve me as your father. You deserve somene older, more mature and a better person. I know it sounds crazy that it would be hard as a parent to give their child the best, but when you are a parent and giving your child the best includes admiting that they dont deserve you, it becomes the hardest thing. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The thought of what kind of dad I wanted to be and what you deserve just didn't mix. It's very hard to admit that you don't deserve me as your dad, but that comes with maturity and you have to be mature to be a parent. You were innocent. You didn't ask to be brought into this world and you didn't choose your parents. Your mum and me made an irresponsible mistake not using protection. I will not punish you for that. My little baby girl, you are everything to me and so much more. That's why I gave you the life you deserve. I just want you to know that you were my first and only and I will always love you no matter what. I think about you everyday. You are everything to me. I don't EVER, EVER want you to think I didn't want you. I would have loved to be there and squeeze you everyday and see that beautiful face every morning. I would have loved to let you ride on my back and be that little pony you always wanted ... but it wasn't about what I wanted. It was about you and what was best for you. I know I missed out on a lot of things in your life, but you will always be a part of my heart and you will always be my little girl. If and whenever you miss me, just put your hand over your heart and count those beats ... I am in every one of them forever. You will never be alone in this world and don't ever forget that. I love you forever, that's why I picked out that special word on the back your blanket that you will never go away, baby girl. I'll forever be your heart, your air, your soul and your spirit. I am inevery breath you take and every beat in your heart ... I know I missed watching you grow up. I missed seeing you born, you learning to crawl, then walk, then talk. I missed reading you stories and playing pony with you. I missed your first day of school. I missed you crying, smiling and laughing. I missed seeing you play with your friends, seeing you finish school, getting your first boyfriend and walking you down the isle at your wedding. But i want you to know that i was with you all the time. If ever you feel alone, remember that I am always with you. You have never and will never be alone in this world honey. I am forever with you and I will always love you ... you are in my thoughts every day and i am so proud that you were mine. I love you more than anything forever.
Love, Your Daddy David
Tell your mum and and uncle mikey i said hi!
they're awesome aren't they...
I dont know where to go with this, so im hoping i can find some support on here.
David, i really will miss you. Everyone will. You were a great person who tried to always do good by everyone. You were friendly and funny and so full of life. You always had a smile on your face and im sorry for not being there for you too when i should have. You were always there for me and i hope that whatever lead you to do this, you are free from it now. I hope that heaven is all it is said to be because you deserve it. Watch over your family and friends, especially your Mother and Father, twin Michael, and ESPECIALLY little April. We were always here for you david and we always will be. I will always love you mate. As you last said to me "ill see you tomorrow" and tomorrow is only ever one day away. So until tomorrow buddy.