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My Dad
Jan 4, 2012 2:11:04 GMT -5
Post by feeney on Jan 4, 2012 2:11:04 GMT -5
My father was murdered in his home on 29 July 2010. The police think it was a theft / break in gone wrong. The killer climbed in through the kitchen window and went up to his bedroom and attacked him. My Dad fought back so there is dna evidence but the killer beat him and then stabbed him. The killer also locked my Dad inside his bedroom from the outside and left him there to bleed to death. My Dad managed to call the police but by the time they got there he was dead. The police have a suspect who is 18 - my Dad was 74. The police think theft was the motive because they went over every aspect of my Dad's life and he had no enemies or disagreements with anyone.
My father was a quiet peaceful man who worked his whole life, took care of my Mom when she was sick and never remarried after she died. All he wanted was to retire in peace. He was very fit and healthy and if not for this would have probably enjoyed many more years.
My worst times are imagining my Dad waiting for the police and bleeding to death. I know that at some point he realized that he was going to die and I find this unbearable. I can't get past the fact that he died alone in such an awful and violent way. I am sure that many people who have had their family members killed have the same thoughts about their loved ones' last moments and horror they went through. I don't have any close family - my Dad was all I had left. People keep telling me that I am lucky that he lived to 74 but that doesn't change the fact that he was violated and died a horrific and miserable death.
For a long time I wanted revenge but at this point I only hope for some form of justice and peace.
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My Dad
Jan 4, 2012 11:02:36 GMT -5
Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 4, 2012 11:02:36 GMT -5
My father was murdered in his home on 29 July 2010. The police think it was a theft / break in gone wrong. The killer climbed in through the kitchen window and went up to his bedroom and attacked him. My Dad fought back so there is dna evidence but the killer beat him and then stabbed him. The killer also locked my Dad inside his bedroom from the outside and left him there to bleed to death. My Dad managed to call the police but by the time they got there he was dead. The police have a suspect who is 18 - my Dad was 74. The police think theft was the motive because they went over every aspect of my Dad's life and he had no enemies or disagreements with anyone. My father was a quiet peaceful man who worked his whole life, took care of my Mom when she was sick and never remarried after she died. All he wanted was to retire in peace. He was very fit and healthy and if not for this would have probably enjoyed many more years. My worst times are imagining my Dad waiting for the police and bleeding to death. I know that at some point he realized that he was going to die and I find this unbearable. I can't get past the fact that he died alone in such an awful and violent way. I am sure that many people who have had their family members killed have the same thoughts about their loved ones' last moments and horror they went through. I don't have any close family - my Dad was all I had left. People keep telling me that I am lucky that he lived to 74 but that doesn't change the fact that he was violated and died a horrific and miserable death. For a long time I wanted revenge but at this point I only hope for some form of justice and peace. Dear feeney, I'm very sorry about your dad. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. Yes, we hate how our loved 1's died and of course we're going to be upset over that every time we think about it. I hope you get justice in your case also and also hope you get the most peace possible. Again, welcome to the board. Take care.
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My Dad
Jan 10, 2012 7:31:00 GMT -5
Post by mom2young on Jan 10, 2012 7:31:00 GMT -5
I hate the fact people say to be thankful he lived 74 yrs. He should still be here. So sorry , I was 21 when my mom was murdered by her husband. I did the avoidance way of coping , and everyone around me avoided the subject for 17 yrs. well, I guess not talking about it for that long is not healthy. so keep talking. I have even lied and said my mom had cancer if someone asks how my mom died, especially if at work and I didn't want to break down. Try not to think of how your dad died in the end otherwise, the evil people who took your dad's life, will also be taking yours, They have control over your thoughts, For you, it is still so soon, only 1yr ago. I don't know how we all make it , but we do. a few yrs later , I realized that I didnt want my life wasted, I did get married, had two kids, but sadness still lingers silently. I am a great worker! work was my peace and keep my mind off it . Now I just try to tell good stories to my kids about their grandma they never knew. For example. my son has her blue eyes, pretty unusual since my husband and me have brown. She will not be forgotten.
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My Dad
Jan 11, 2012 4:10:12 GMT -5
Post by feeney on Jan 11, 2012 4:10:12 GMT -5
Hi - Thank you for your reply. I am so sorry about your Mom. I was 22 when my Mom died of cancer and that was horrible enough so I cannot imagine the added trauma of having your Mom murdered. It must have been unbearable. It's so hard not to let the murder define the person. I also have children who are young and I have chosen to tell them that my Dad suddenly became ill and died. My kids were close to my Dad and the fact that he suddenly disappeared was shocking enough for them. I will tell them the truth when they are older but I also want them to have good memories. You are right - it's an uncomfortable subject and everyone avoids talking about it which can be very isolating. I guess people don't know what to say so they say nothing. I am sorry for our kids that they were robbed of their grandparents. I guess it is up to us to keep their memories alive in other ways.
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My Dad
Jan 11, 2012 9:12:45 GMT -5
Post by mom2young on Jan 11, 2012 9:12:45 GMT -5
I think one reason I also avoided the subject is my mom's husband of 12 years(he was my stepdad since age 8 years old) . I went to his family holidays, with his nephews, sisters, parents. His parents signed my christmas and birthday cards "grandma and grampa". Guess who sat on his side during trial. All his family, spoke not a word to us. Not a "im sorry" Another slap in the face. I am glad trial was over and sentencing within 2 yrs and he got life in prison without parole. Anyways, he had so many life insurance on her life. They were hidden in the basement in the middle of old magazines. Over the years if I did confide in someone about what happened to my mom, What would really really anger me is the first question they would ask after I just poured my heart to them is, "what happened to the life insurance money?" Really, is that all they cared about?!!! So I sorta quit talking about it too.
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My Dad
Jan 13, 2012 2:32:21 GMT -5
Post by feeney on Jan 13, 2012 2:32:21 GMT -5
I could see how that would put you off talking about it. I already get a bit of that. My Dad left me his house etc. and someone said to me "you own his property now"!! like it's something to be excited about. Strangely I also feel ashamed about anything he left me because it's not like he died of natural causes. I feel like it's all tainted. Less than three months after he was killed a few people approached me with offers to buy the house he was murdered in. Ugh! I was disgusted. I guess people will do anything with the hope of saving a few dollars...needless to say I am not ready to deal with any of that stuff yet.
What a horror that the crime was committed by someone you knew and trusted. Shame on him. I don't know if you have a supportive family on your Mom's side. I don't have any immediate family left and the rest of my relatives just don't care at all. This to me has been the most disappointing especially as my Dad always went out of his way to help them. I guess you learn a lot about people from the way they react to these sad events. I know it is only 6 months but for me the hardest thing to deal with is all the rage and frustration I have. I have a lot of anger and there's nowhere for it all to go. The police have made a DNA match so there is some progress on the case. I know I should be thrilled about this but I feel almost nothing. It's very strange...
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My Dad
Jan 14, 2012 8:08:08 GMT -5
Post by mom2young on Jan 14, 2012 8:08:08 GMT -5
My mom only had one aunt alive at the time. She never rarely called me. My friends were supportive and took turns going to trial with me . My boyfriend, now husband) were with me. My brother handled all the court stuff like probate while I went back to college for one year. Did you know my evil step/sister(I hate to even call her that) took my brother to court and fought to get my moms $500 toyota tercel car that was 10 years old at the time! When we came back from my mom's wake, she had hired a locksmith and deadbolted the door. My brother hired one and got us back in. That's when friends/family searched the house top to bottom and we just took boxes out(not knowing what was in them) and brought them to my dad's house. We searched days/weeks, then someone found life ins policies in all odd places. His daughter even had the nerve to ring the bell, not sure what order, and ask for his spare dentures. My brother smashed them with a hammer and gave the to her! She said "sorry for your mom, but the house will sell.and we'll splitit. They got half the house!! the exwife even tried to get extra saying he never paid child support, so therefore , more for her out of the sale. Well, in the boxes , we found checks he wrote to her and cashed for support. She got cought lying oon the stand, during trial, lied under oath! Anyways, it will be aweful.. Who do you have that is support to you?
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My Dad
Jan 28, 2012 22:01:48 GMT -5
Post by crustal1989 on Jan 28, 2012 22:01:48 GMT -5
Hi Feeney, Im super sorry to hear about your dad. I think that it's completely insensitive that people say stuff like that to you. For all they know he could have lived to 100. I am sort of in a similar situation. Someone set my dad's house on fire and left him in it. I always wonder what he thought in his last seconds while he was probably gasping for air. From what I've read thats not the most peaceful way to go. And the police have never arrested the guy., I still want revenge, and I think I will for a long time. I dont want peace, I dont want justice. I want this guy's bal*s chopped off and for him to be left there to bleed. I hope you can get your peace and justice. And I wish you the best.
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My Dad
Feb 7, 2012 4:52:39 GMT -5
Post by feeney on Feb 7, 2012 4:52:39 GMT -5
Hi Crustal,
I just read your story and I am so sorry about your Dad. I am an only child like you and it's really hard to go through something like this because there's noone to really share your grief and anger with and you have to do everything alone. I am also having my frustrations with law enforcement etc. In my Dad's case like yours there is a suspect but he still walks free while they "build a case" against him. Knowing that he's out there free as a bird after beating and stabbing my 74 year old father makes me feel physically ill and I completely understand your desire for revenge. As family members we are the most affected by the loss but seem to have the least power when it comes to seeking justice. I too have the same phone call every month where I am told to be patient because they are working on it.
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with - how could they cremate your Dad like that?? Did they ask for your permission?? My father's body was also removed from the crime scene and taken to a city four hours away for an autopsy. It's amazing how little say we have in what happens to our loved one's body when they are murdered.
I also wish you the best and hope your Dad's killer is caught and I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.
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