hurt
First-time poster
Posts: 1
|
Post by hurt on Jan 9, 2012 13:43:27 GMT -5
My brother was murdered in April of last year. I thought that I was doing very well at holding things together and was pretty impressed with the way my family held it together through the holidays. Today, I was at work. I started crying and I could not stop. I feel like I just NOW felt my brothers loss. My work sent me home (how embarrassing) I went to the church and talked with the minister. Her suggestion counseling. I know I need help. My brother was the oldest of 4. But he and I were only 3 years apart in age. We were only one year apart in school. We went on dates together - he dated my friends and I dated his... we were close. I miss him terribly. His widow went to counseling and she seems to be doing very well and is moving on (even dating someone). I am happy she is doing well after this tragedy but it only hurts me worse to realize how stuck I am - not moving on. The trial for one of his 3 killers is supposed to be coming in June of this year. I am struggling with that. The loss of my brother made me realize I could no longer live in marriage and I left my husband. I am a MESS! Just like this message I ramble and have no organization or structure - no where to start to put my life in order...
|
|
|
Post by mom2young on Jan 10, 2012 7:16:20 GMT -5
I totally know wht you mean, my mom was murdered 17 yrs ago by her husband. I was away at college. It happened between spring and summer semesters. I was 21. I literally had 10 day to choose to quit school or return. I returned and finiished. I would break down a few times that I remember and my teacher would have to bring me in the back room and let me cry. she would listen . It is uncontrollable. I remember crying on my pillow at night years later(not wanting my husband to know it still hurts so baad). Well, I dealt with the anxiety of the courts telling you it will start a certain date, then you have the nervousness of telling your bosses for time off, then it doesn't happen. postponed. again, again, again. It was 17 yrs ago for me , now I am 39and still deal with the sadness and nobody really understands. It's not cancer or car accident. They should still be here. I told my two children two days ago what happened to their grandma they never knew. so still sadness. My advice to you would take help from the court systems have a victim /survivor help. see it it helps, I went to two regular psychocoulselors and they didn't know how to deal with this either. they sorts redirected the subject. Finding this site only 2 months ago makes me feel better, even just reading old posts will make you feel normal.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 10, 2012 11:14:48 GMT -5
My brother was murdered in April of last year. I thought that I was doing very well at holding things together and was pretty impressed with the way my family held it together through the holidays. Today, I was at work. I started crying and I could not stop. I feel like I just NOW felt my brothers loss. My work sent me home (how embarrassing) I went to the church and talked with the minister. Her suggestion counseling. I know I need help. My brother was the oldest of 4. But he and I were only 3 years apart in age. We were only one year apart in school. We went on dates together - he dated my friends and I dated his... we were close. I miss him terribly. His widow went to counseling and she seems to be doing very well and is moving on (even dating someone). I am happy she is doing well after this tragedy but it only hurts me worse to realize how stuck I am - not moving on. The trial for one of his 3 killers is supposed to be coming in June of this year. I am struggling with that. The loss of my brother made me realize I could no longer live in marriage and I left my husband. I am a MESS! Just like this message I ramble and have no organization or structure - no where to start to put my life in order... Dear hurt, I'm very sorry about your brother. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. I wish you the best with counseling. It literally saved my life after the murders in my family. All the emotions you're feeling are normal for what's happened to you. If you need info on going to trial, there's a link to Parents of Murdered Children on here. They're a wonderful resource for info and support. There's also other MVS on here who have gone to trial that can help you with info/support. Again, welcome to the board. Take care.
|
|
hurt
First-time poster
Posts: 1
|
Post by hurt on Jan 10, 2012 21:51:10 GMT -5
I can't believe how just reading one response makes me feel better! My brother was taking a rental video back to the redbox. He didn't want to pay the late fee. Ran out with no shoes on - he was driving my father's car because his was in the shop. Three teenagers out for a joy ride spotted him, followed him home, and wanted his car. They shot and killed him and didn't even get the car. They took a big brother, a first son (my dad's name sake), a husband, a successful Vice President, a loving father of three, and a best friend to every person who knew him. He had so many people at the funeral it was standing room only and people were outside listening to the service over speakers. I always was known as Don's little sister... to be honest... I didn't like it going through school. Now I am so Damn proud to be his little sister and I am so damn mad I never got to tell him!!! I don't know why I am just now falling apart. He has been gone for 10 months... Maybe it is because I see others around me moving on and I feel stuck with grief still. I don't feel happy .... how could they? I don't know ... I feel every emotion, anger, fear, sadness, regret, .. you name it I have it. I have 4 kids and they are witnessing me fall apart and they are following suite. I am a single mom and don't have that luxury. I definately need to take some steps in the right direction I am just still looking for the stairs!
|
|
|
Post by jen2003g on Jan 18, 2012 15:33:40 GMT -5
My brother was also murdered July of 2011 by 3 evil people. They tortured him over a long period of time then mutilated his body with acid and burried him in a shallow grave. There is so much more to the events, but it's hard to talk about still. His name is Jeremy Kye Gibson from lafayette, IN. Now that some time has past 6 months, I have been through so much tears I'm surprised I have any left! I would throw myself into things to avoid feeling the ache of loosing him, but in the quiet of the night or any time I end up by myself, i fall to peices just like I just found out. Things had gotten more bareable for awhile until the new that one of the murderers had died in prison of a collapsed lung. This same person was released from prison on an error and shouldn't be out till 2013, but they let him out and he murderer my brother! When I heard, it felt like all the sadness, fear, anxiety, shock and anger all came rushing back and I have yet 3 days later to work through my feelings enough to know how I feel. Thinking that if this threw me off this much, what is now 2 murder trials, 2 adoptions (his two small boys) and my husband leaving in like 15 days for basic training and AIT for 5 months! How am I gonna keep it together. Grieving, I know from 1st hand is never typical, it's never predictable, it just is what it is and you were his sister, you shared life from birth with him. The combination of shared lives for all your life and the fact that he was murdered combined, I could see how the greiving process would be different then his widow. Plus, you are two different people. I know about things like this being a strain on a marriage or any other king of relationship. So, not really much good advice, just letting you know there are more out there suffering right along side you.
|
|
|
Post by motheroffour on Jan 19, 2012 23:02:27 GMT -5
Dear Hurt, I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I, too, am a single mother of several young children. My husband was murdered about 2 years ago. Although the murder was witnessed by many people, no one has ever been apprehended for his death. I am sorry for your awful day at work. At the same time, I hope the rough day somehow brought out tears that needed to be shed. I'm learning that in a murder, it can be hard to cry, because the shock doesn't wear off. You'll be in my prayers tonight.
|
|
|
Post by pumpkin12903 on Jan 20, 2012 7:35:37 GMT -5
Dear Hurt, I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I, too, am a single mother of several young children. My husband was murdered about 2 years ago. Although the murder was witnessed by many people, no one has ever been apprehended for his death. I am sorry for your awful day at work. At the same time, I hope the rough day somehow brought out tears that needed to be shed. I'm learning that in a murder, it can be hard to cry, because the shock doesn't wear off. You'll be in my prayers tonight. Dear motheroffour, I'm very sorry about your husband. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. I hope that the perpetrator (or perpetrators) in your case are brought to FULL justice 1 day. Again, welcome to the board. Take care.
|
|