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Post by amandafitzy on Feb 7, 2012 17:26:17 GMT -5
Hi my name is Amanda and this is my nightmare. On 12/13/11 my 16 year old daughter learned from frantic phone calls that her boyfriend Kenny Stout was missing. He was spending time a few towns over and noone could find him. Learning that she had spoken to him just a few hours earlier, I told her try not to worry. (Kenny was 17) Heather and Kenny had been dating for a year and loved each other very much. On 12/14/11 police now involved we learned he had been with 2 older men the day befor. Now something told me there was something very wrong. Then on the morning of 12/15 I wake her up from school, asking if there was any news, noot yet. But then it happened she came running out, MOM she screamed, looked at me with a horrible look I had never seen befor and said "Kennys dead" then she fell to the floor. I was in shock! This sweet boy who spent so many days and dinners at our house was gone, it cant be. HOW, we learned that these 2 men(26 and 29 yrs old) ( one of which Kenny had exchanged words with over the harassment of another 16yr girl he knew) had gotten him in their car. Took him to a remote area and began to beat him. Once he fell they took metal bats and beat him further then left him under a bush. Well apparently the police talked to these men on the 13th and they denied even knowing him. Once the police left they decided they had to "go make sure". They then ( now six hours since the beating) went back and found him ALIVE! They then stabbed him to death, even cutting his throat. God the funeral was so hard, kennys parents had even taken Heathers picture and placed it in his hands so "He could hold her forever". My daughter was in so much pain and I couldn't fix it. So I put her in councling right away.On her second visit she was told, ya know the chances of this happening again are so remote, so dont worry. My nightmare continues... Just 2 days after being told that my good friend Erika calls me. She wanted to know if I had seen her son Weston North, also 17. She had not seen him since the night befor. I tried to reassure her (and me) that he was fine. It was not the first time he had not checked in. Thenthe next morning 12/31/11 she calls me....I could hardly understand her. She had herd on the radio a body had been found on the edge of town. I rushed to her house while trying to console my Heather saying there is no way this can happen twice. After 2 horrible hours of waiting the Sheriffs show up. Yes in deed in was Weston. He had been hanging out with a few kids, erika knew they were wild and tried warning him to stay away....he didn't listen. Within afew hours they had the 18yr(Gabe Roche) responsible. He was taken to a remote farm road, as the got out ofthe car he satbbed Weston. Weston began to run, he chased him and proceeded to gut him. Gabes brother was there and yelled for him to stop, Gabe looked up and said its too late hes already dead, then cut his throat. Gabe told police he thought Weston was asnitch and he wanted his younger brother to see someone be killed. Gabe is known to be a Meth user as were the men that killed kenny. Ya see we moved here to rural Missouri in August of 2010. Moving from just outside of Boston. Moving here we all felt so safe. Its so quiet here. How could things go so wrong. My daughters pain is my first concern but I find myself crying and grieving to an intense level. I was with erika through the entire process from being notified to making funeral plans and now with court. It hurts so much to see her and the Stout family in so much pain. These were GOOD BOYS!! Just kids who had made mistkes yes but they should never have been taken from us. How am I supposed to handle this for me and my girl? Thanks for listening
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Feb 8, 2012 1:12:21 GMT -5
Hi my name is Amanda and this is my nightmare. On 12/13/11 my 16 year old daughter learned from frantic phone calls that her boyfriend Kenny Stout was missing. He was spending time a few towns over and noone could find him. Learning that she had spoken to him just a few hours earlier, I told her try not to worry. (Kenny was 17) Heather and Kenny had been dating for a year and loved each other very much. On 12/14/11 police now involved we learned he had been with 2 older men the day befor. Now something told me there was something very wrong. Then on the morning of 12/15 I wake her up from school, asking if there was any news, noot yet. But then it happened she came running out, MOM she screamed, looked at me with a horrible look I had never seen befor and said "Kennys dead" then she fell to the floor. I was in shock! This sweet boy who spent so many days and dinners at our house was gone, it cant be. HOW, we learned that these 2 men(26 and 29 yrs old) ( one of which Kenny had exchanged words with over the harassment of another 16yr girl he knew) had gotten him in their car. Took him to a remote area and began to beat him. Once he fell they took metal bats and beat him further then left him under a bush. Well apparently the police talked to these men on the 13th and they denied even knowing him. Once the police left they decided they had to "go make sure". They then ( now six hours since the beating) went back and found him ALIVE! They then stabbed him to death, even cutting his throat. God the funeral was so hard, kennys parents had even taken Heathers picture and placed it in his hands so "He could hold her forever". My daughter was in so much pain and I couldn't fix it. So I put her in councling right away.On her second visit she was told, ya know the chances of this happening again are so remote, so dont worry. My nightmare continues... Just 2 days after being told that my good friend Erika calls me. She wanted to know if I had seen her son Weston North, also 17. She had not seen him since the night befor. I tried to reassure her (and me) that he was fine. It was not the first time he had not checked in. Thenthe next morning 12/31/11 she calls me....I could hardly understand her. She had herd on the radio a body had been found on the edge of town. I rushed to her house while trying to console my Heather saying there is no way this can happen twice. After 2 horrible hours of waiting the Sheriffs show up. Yes in deed in was Weston. He had been hanging out with a few kids, erika knew they were wild and tried warning him to stay away....he didn't listen. Within afew hours they had the 18yr(Gabe Roche) responsible. He was taken to a remote farm road, as the got out ofthe car he satbbed Weston. Weston began to run, he chased him and proceeded to gut him. Gabes brother was there and yelled for him to stop, Gabe looked up and said its too late hes already dead, then cut his throat. Gabe told police he thought Weston was asnitch and he wanted his younger brother to see someone be killed. Gabe is known to be a Meth user as were the men that killed kenny. Ya see we moved here to rural Missouri in August of 2010. Moving from just outside of Boston. Moving here we all felt so safe. Its so quiet here. How could things go so wrong. My daughters pain is my first concern but I find myself crying and grieving to an intense level. I was with erika through the entire process from being notified to making funeral plans and now with court. It hurts so much to see her and the Stout family in so much pain. These were GOOD BOYS!! Just kids who had made mistkes yes but they should never have been taken from us. How am I supposed to handle this for me and my girl? Thanks for listening Dear amandafitzy, I'm very sorry about your daughter's boyfriend. I'm glad you found this board and hope you find some comfort here. The things that have helped me recover after the murders in my family are/were: counseling. This literally saved my life. Also going to the support group Parents of Murdered Children. There's a link to them on here. Also writing about the tragedy, talking to understand friends and family and counseling at church to cover the spiritual aspects of it not covered in regular counseling plus coming to boards like this 1. The emotions you're feeling are normal. Please don't be hard on yourself. I hope this information helps you. Again, welcome to the board. Take care.
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Post by amandafitzy on Feb 9, 2012 14:05:42 GMT -5
This is whats hard for me....These were not my children but were close in my life. I feel like I dont have the right to feel all this pain. My girls pain hurts me, my friends pain hurts me, but while trying to help them I still have all this pain of my own. Not trying tosound selfish but where do I belong in all this.
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Post by amandafitzy on Feb 9, 2012 14:06:40 GMT -5
And thank you for your kind words and welcome Pumpkin
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Post by insideout on Feb 12, 2012 22:41:45 GMT -5
Hey Amanda
I wont go as far as to say i've gone through exactly the same thing as you or your daughter. Everyone has their own experience with these things..
My best friend was murdered by her second cousin nearly 8 years ago. And i will tell you one thing, its still a daily struggle for me. In those 8 years, there has never been a day that passes by i dont think of my angel friend Hannah. And i dont think there ever will be.
But i will say this. My Mum (or Mom as its spelled in the USA, i live in Australia) was my absolute hero all through it. At the time she was the head of the New South Wales Government Commission for Children and Young People Child Death Review Team. She was dealing with the deaths of all the children in our state from a reaserch perspective to see what the government might be able to do to help prevent them from happening. And then she would have to come home and see the other side of it with her own 12 year old daugter. It was really important that she stayed strong for me because without her, i dont think i would have ever got through. One conversation i remember having with her is when i asked her if everything happens for a reason. She pulled me into a hug and told me that as much as we might like to believe that, not everything does. Some truely aweful things just happen.
My Mum was the one that had to tell me too. I remember it so vividly. Like it was yesterday. We had a call on monday, March 15th 2004 in the evening, just before dinner, to say hannah was missing. The next morning I woke up and started to get ready for school. The phone rang again. I answered and it was a friends mum. She asked to speak to my mum and she told her what had happend. Mum hung up and she couldnt even look at me. She told me hannahs cousin David had come yesterday and he had killed her. I also remeber at the funeral, mum got a seat (it was standing room only) and i got seperated from her. I remeber looking around the room and finding her sitting down and i could see even from a distance that there were tears rolling down her cheeks. Thats one of only a few times i can ever remember seeing my mum cry.
Even though Hannah wasn't hers, i know mum still felt the pain. Not only did she now have to stand up for another little girl in government that should NEVER have died, but it was also a little girl that she knew, that she'd watched grow up, but she had to figure out a way to put aside all those things and remain strong for her own child. I guess all you can do as a parent is be there for your daughter. Be strong for her. She will cope in her own way, everyone does. And it will be an ongoing thing. I find writing about it helps. And talking about it. And going to places that have good memories for me of me and hannah. And it might seem strange but listening to the songs that played at her funeral and the songs she liked helps a bit too. Just some suggestions.
Encourage your daughter to remember that the ones we love and care about never truly leave us. it took me years but eventually i realised that Hannah has never truly left me. Shes alive in me and shes always walking with me. Every step i take, shes there, every new stage in life, shes right there with me. Shes just not physically there. Shes there in sprit, she always has been and she forever will be. When i get married i plan to leave a seat empty just for her. So i can look and know that thats where she will be.
Not sure what type of music you like but a couple of songs i found helped were: Jackson Browne, For a Dancer. And I thought of You with Love today by Teena Marie. And Born to Try by Delta Goodrem, just if you feel like having a look at them. They're on youtube.
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Post by amandafitzy on Feb 15, 2012 18:44:16 GMT -5
Dear Insideout,
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Its been 2 months now and its so hard. Everyday is just so hard. I just hold my baby girl close when she cries.I dont have the strength to not cry so I just cry with her. I feel like her teen years have been stolen from her just as Kenny was stolen from her,as your young years were stolen from you. She doenst feel safe, shes now afraid of the dark or even being home alone.
I will look into the music you suggested, and thank you. Heathers favorite song right now is "gone too soon" by Chris Daughtry....spelling maybe off but check it out.
Thank you and God Bless
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Post by insideout on Feb 15, 2012 20:42:50 GMT -5
Hi Amada
It was no problem. I'll check out that song you suggested.
I remember going through all those things your daughter is now. At first i was just scared to be home alone. Then as that eased i would be ok so long as there were no strange noises or anything. I slept with a nightlight on for years, because i thought i could see people in the dark.
If you want, i'll inbox you my email. Just if you, or Heather, want someone to talk to about all this, that has been through it too. Cos i know i found that helpful as well.
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Post by insideout on Feb 15, 2012 21:46:56 GMT -5
Also there is a book that i found really helpful too. Its called Grief Girl and its by Erin Vincent. She lost both her parents when she was 14 because they were run over by a speeding tow truck. She writes about what it was like for her to be orphaned and how she got through. You can find it on Amazon.com. I doubt you'd be able to find it in a book store in the USA though. You might also want to try www.Dymocks.com.au as sometimes they have specials etc and are cheaper than Amazon.
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